More angst_bingo!
Jun. 26th, 2013 03:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: I'm Lost And I'm Found
Summary: The man once called the Doctor attacks Earth. Clara is traveling to gather an army to take the Doctor down, and meets former companion Martha Jones, who is already treating the victims of the attack. Bit of past one-sided Doctor/Martha in there.
Prompt: Miles From Anywhere
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Notes: Exploring more about John Hurt!Doctor. Title from "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran, which featured in the Doctor Who episode "Cold War".
To save the Doctor, Clara knows that she will do just about anything.
She knows she will. When they stood up to Grandfather, for example, and that day on Trenzalore where she entered the Doctor's timestream if only to save him. And when she was Oswin, back in that Dalek asylum, buying time for the Doctor to escape. So many times she's saved him, and he's saved her -- and now he's turned into someone she can barely recognize.
The Valeyard, some are calling him these days. The Bringer of Death, the Dark Ruler -- the man who claims to want to protect the universe but has done just about nothing but destroy it. Clara's seen it -- the terrible living conditions, the burning islands that he's destroyed in the name of peace and sanity, but what sanity is left in acts like these?
Clara doesn't understand, and she prays that she never will.
In the meantime, she will continue to keep going. She will gather an army. And in the name of humanity itself, in the name of everyone who died, they'll bring him down.
And yet she can't help but hesitate. How can she possibly kill the Doctor? True, he's become a monster the likes of which she doubts anyone has ever seen, but there's too much history, too much of what could have been, to really, truly make her hate him.
She only hates what he's become.
***
It's in her travels that she comes across Martha Jones. She remembers Martha if only vaguely from her experiences in trying to save the Doctor from the Great Intelligence. She's older now, more weary-looking, but she's still Martha nonetheless.
When she finds Martha, Martha is already tending to a group of wounded civilians. Clara can only catch snippets of what they're saying.
"...and these ships just came out of nowhere and started bombarding the city," one of the soldiers says. "I just don't understand -- "
"I don't know either," Martha says. She has a very soft voice, Clara thinks, soft but certain. Very pleasant to listen to.
Clara already figured that Martha loved the Doctor dearly. She could see it, at least, when she had been trying to keep the incarnation of the Doctor two regenerations ago safe. She could see it in some of the glances that Martha shot the Doctor on occasion, and what she was willing to do for him. The sort of madness and genius that only a person in love could do.
And there was the fact that Martha Jones was just, in general, an incredibly brave young woman and a good doctor. She had quite liked Martha, really. She only wished that she had known Martha longer than that.
It's coming face to face with Martha that the latter looks at her if only in confusion. Don't I know you? her face says. Understandable, all things considered.
But she doubts that she can ever tell Martha. To say it would cause problems would be putting it mildly.
Instead, she gets to work helping Martha patch up the civilians. They look awful, Clara thinks -- all these burns, all these scars; Martha seems to think the same because for all she tries to appear stoic, there's that occasional flicker of shock and grief, as if she's wondering how the Doctor -- the Valeyard -- could have gone so far.
They're silent for a long time before Martha speaks.
"It was him. The Doc -- the Valeyard." Clara can hear Martha's voice breaking as she corrects herself, almost as if wondering how the man she'd loved had become a monster. Clara can't quite blame her. "He attacked us. Brought ships to do it -- I tried to shoot them down. We all did." Martha smiled if only faintly, but it's a bitter thing. "Not what...the old Doctor would have wanted, but still..." She grew more serious. "I never thought he'd do this. The man who saved us all so many times. I never thought..."
Clara swallows. "I know."
Clara gently puts a hand on Martha's shoulder. It's not much, but if she can find a way to help her, then it's worth just about everything.
***
They sit now on the porch of Martha's house even as they both look up at the stars. It feels almost lonely some of the time -- Mum and Dad are gone now, Tish is still there, brave and steady and sad. And Leo. Lois Habiba from Torchwood is a good friend, but, Martha muses, they don't talk as often as they should. There's also Mickey, her husband, who she trusts more than anything.
Yet there are times that she feels like she can't quite talk to them. Not about this, at least.
When she thinks of the Doctor, she thinks of the man with messy dark hair and a smile that could light an entire city, a man without a home, a man who had showed her so much of the world, a better way of living her life. And even in spite of everything that had happened, all the misunderstandings and bumps in communication and so much more, Martha doubts she would have traded it for the world.
//The Doctor.// She remembers him too well. She hadn't intended to get attached to him. But in a way, he had made it a bit too easy. The way he laughed. The way he spoke. The sheer vulnerability in him, which had always struck Martha as unfair -- the fact that such a kind, gentle, brilliant man had to suffer like that. And while she couldn't say that she had been as infatuated with him as she was, he still has a place in her heart.
In some ways, he made her better. For all of the bad things in traveling with him (his occasional inconsiderate manner, his anger, his tendency to be a bit insufferable in his genius, to name a few. For all she loved the Doctor, she wasn't blind to his faults), there was plenty of good in it as well. And even as this new man, this Valeyard who has gone against just about everything that the Doctor ever stood for (justice, protecting the weak, compassion), Martha can't hate him.
She wants to. But by God, she can't.
"Are you all right?" Clara's voice jars her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm good." Martha sighs, rubs her temples. "Just remembering."
"The Doctor?"
Martha merely nods. Somehow, she feels for a moment as if she can barely speak.
"You must miss him," Clara says.
She's too perceptive for her own good. Martha takes a deep breath. "For my part, yes."
Clara's voice is gentle. "Tell me about him."
Martha smiles if only a bit. "I think it all started when I was going to work at this hospital..."
And as she tells Clara about him, talks about Judoon on the moon and the Plasmavore and Carrionites and New Earth and Dalek Sec, for a moment, she can see the man she once loved so clearly that it's almost as if he's sitting right beside her, listening to her story.
It's one thing that has kept her going during the Year That Never Was. One of many, at least. Even in the pain surrounding her, all the horrors she saw, the thought of that brave, wonderful, impossible man -- that kept her going.
They've saved one another so many times before. The last time she saw him, before the Valeyard mess, he saved her and Mickey Smith from a Sontaran. She's saved him too -- the hospital, for example. It would be unfair to, much like a Judoon, decide that he was beyond redemption and simply kill him.
That and even after all the Doctor's done, all that he's going to do, Martha knows, deep in her heart, there's still a chance to save him.
Summary: The man once called the Doctor attacks Earth. Clara is traveling to gather an army to take the Doctor down, and meets former companion Martha Jones, who is already treating the victims of the attack. Bit of past one-sided Doctor/Martha in there.
Prompt: Miles From Anywhere
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Notes: Exploring more about John Hurt!Doctor. Title from "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran, which featured in the Doctor Who episode "Cold War".
To save the Doctor, Clara knows that she will do just about anything.
She knows she will. When they stood up to Grandfather, for example, and that day on Trenzalore where she entered the Doctor's timestream if only to save him. And when she was Oswin, back in that Dalek asylum, buying time for the Doctor to escape. So many times she's saved him, and he's saved her -- and now he's turned into someone she can barely recognize.
The Valeyard, some are calling him these days. The Bringer of Death, the Dark Ruler -- the man who claims to want to protect the universe but has done just about nothing but destroy it. Clara's seen it -- the terrible living conditions, the burning islands that he's destroyed in the name of peace and sanity, but what sanity is left in acts like these?
Clara doesn't understand, and she prays that she never will.
In the meantime, she will continue to keep going. She will gather an army. And in the name of humanity itself, in the name of everyone who died, they'll bring him down.
And yet she can't help but hesitate. How can she possibly kill the Doctor? True, he's become a monster the likes of which she doubts anyone has ever seen, but there's too much history, too much of what could have been, to really, truly make her hate him.
She only hates what he's become.
***
It's in her travels that she comes across Martha Jones. She remembers Martha if only vaguely from her experiences in trying to save the Doctor from the Great Intelligence. She's older now, more weary-looking, but she's still Martha nonetheless.
When she finds Martha, Martha is already tending to a group of wounded civilians. Clara can only catch snippets of what they're saying.
"...and these ships just came out of nowhere and started bombarding the city," one of the soldiers says. "I just don't understand -- "
"I don't know either," Martha says. She has a very soft voice, Clara thinks, soft but certain. Very pleasant to listen to.
Clara already figured that Martha loved the Doctor dearly. She could see it, at least, when she had been trying to keep the incarnation of the Doctor two regenerations ago safe. She could see it in some of the glances that Martha shot the Doctor on occasion, and what she was willing to do for him. The sort of madness and genius that only a person in love could do.
And there was the fact that Martha Jones was just, in general, an incredibly brave young woman and a good doctor. She had quite liked Martha, really. She only wished that she had known Martha longer than that.
It's coming face to face with Martha that the latter looks at her if only in confusion. Don't I know you? her face says. Understandable, all things considered.
But she doubts that she can ever tell Martha. To say it would cause problems would be putting it mildly.
Instead, she gets to work helping Martha patch up the civilians. They look awful, Clara thinks -- all these burns, all these scars; Martha seems to think the same because for all she tries to appear stoic, there's that occasional flicker of shock and grief, as if she's wondering how the Doctor -- the Valeyard -- could have gone so far.
They're silent for a long time before Martha speaks.
"It was him. The Doc -- the Valeyard." Clara can hear Martha's voice breaking as she corrects herself, almost as if wondering how the man she'd loved had become a monster. Clara can't quite blame her. "He attacked us. Brought ships to do it -- I tried to shoot them down. We all did." Martha smiled if only faintly, but it's a bitter thing. "Not what...the old Doctor would have wanted, but still..." She grew more serious. "I never thought he'd do this. The man who saved us all so many times. I never thought..."
Clara swallows. "I know."
Clara gently puts a hand on Martha's shoulder. It's not much, but if she can find a way to help her, then it's worth just about everything.
***
They sit now on the porch of Martha's house even as they both look up at the stars. It feels almost lonely some of the time -- Mum and Dad are gone now, Tish is still there, brave and steady and sad. And Leo. Lois Habiba from Torchwood is a good friend, but, Martha muses, they don't talk as often as they should. There's also Mickey, her husband, who she trusts more than anything.
Yet there are times that she feels like she can't quite talk to them. Not about this, at least.
When she thinks of the Doctor, she thinks of the man with messy dark hair and a smile that could light an entire city, a man without a home, a man who had showed her so much of the world, a better way of living her life. And even in spite of everything that had happened, all the misunderstandings and bumps in communication and so much more, Martha doubts she would have traded it for the world.
//The Doctor.// She remembers him too well. She hadn't intended to get attached to him. But in a way, he had made it a bit too easy. The way he laughed. The way he spoke. The sheer vulnerability in him, which had always struck Martha as unfair -- the fact that such a kind, gentle, brilliant man had to suffer like that. And while she couldn't say that she had been as infatuated with him as she was, he still has a place in her heart.
In some ways, he made her better. For all of the bad things in traveling with him (his occasional inconsiderate manner, his anger, his tendency to be a bit insufferable in his genius, to name a few. For all she loved the Doctor, she wasn't blind to his faults), there was plenty of good in it as well. And even as this new man, this Valeyard who has gone against just about everything that the Doctor ever stood for (justice, protecting the weak, compassion), Martha can't hate him.
She wants to. But by God, she can't.
"Are you all right?" Clara's voice jars her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm good." Martha sighs, rubs her temples. "Just remembering."
"The Doctor?"
Martha merely nods. Somehow, she feels for a moment as if she can barely speak.
"You must miss him," Clara says.
She's too perceptive for her own good. Martha takes a deep breath. "For my part, yes."
Clara's voice is gentle. "Tell me about him."
Martha smiles if only a bit. "I think it all started when I was going to work at this hospital..."
And as she tells Clara about him, talks about Judoon on the moon and the Plasmavore and Carrionites and New Earth and Dalek Sec, for a moment, she can see the man she once loved so clearly that it's almost as if he's sitting right beside her, listening to her story.
It's one thing that has kept her going during the Year That Never Was. One of many, at least. Even in the pain surrounding her, all the horrors she saw, the thought of that brave, wonderful, impossible man -- that kept her going.
They've saved one another so many times before. The last time she saw him, before the Valeyard mess, he saved her and Mickey Smith from a Sontaran. She's saved him too -- the hospital, for example. It would be unfair to, much like a Judoon, decide that he was beyond redemption and simply kill him.
That and even after all the Doctor's done, all that he's going to do, Martha knows, deep in her heart, there's still a chance to save him.
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