ladyofleithian | Status report of the USS Hadhafang.

Heh, sorry; just kind of felt like using a particularly witty title today. Anyway, generally doing all right -- got to read out loud from a bit of a play at NOVA called "Love Is A Fallacy" (long story, really), am doing generally better moodwise, and that's made all the more impressive considering I am actually on the second day of my period.

Yeah...to say that miserable hadhafang is slightly miserable would be putting it mildly. The medicine I'm taking eases it slightly, but it still sucks majorly. :/ It feels at times like my moods are like fucking tidal waves. Almost to the point of me worrying that it's not just anxiety I'm suffering from -- my mom's tried to tell me that it's all part of being a teen, but it doesn't make it any better. *Sighs* And why does it have to involve bleeding as well? Seriously...I know it's a stupid question, but still. Also not helped that I worry about alienating people. Again. (Dammit, self...)

On a much brighter note, my mom, brother and I watched "A Christmas Carol" (the DOCTOR WHO episode). Overall? Amazing episode, though I did *not* need an episode torturing my feels at the moment...

First off, I really loved the opening with the crashing ship. It was a really good opening, especially with the Doctor's COME ALONG, POND message flashing across the screen, all while Amy's waiting for the Doctor to show up. And next...Kazran. I think Kazran is probably one of Moffat's best characters because...well, when you first meet him, he's pretty much like Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol" (hence, why the episode is called such). He's very cruel and callous towards his workers, even referring to Abigail Pettigrew, the woman put in a sort of frozen state, as "unimportant" (leading to a rather lovely moment, IMHO, from the Doctor when he defends her. *), and being...well, generally, dickish. He was so dickish, really, that I was pretty much suppressing my anger during his early scenes. That said, that moment where he nearly slapped the boy but held himself back from doing so...that was very powerful. Although I admit that considering his actions earlier towards the family...well, I honestly was all sarcastically, "Oh, so that makes everything better" when Eleven says that Kazran wasn't like his father because he didn't hit the boy. I mean...yeah, maybe you didn't, but that doesn't really excuse treating people deplorably and endangering other people's lives by not letting them land. That said, when we got a look at Kazran as a child...that's when my mind started to change.

I think what struck me most about little Kazran was just how sweet and innocent he was. Setting up that video recording in his room, all top-secret and all, only for his father to just come in and *beat* him...There's definitely something about child abuse that really gets to me **, probably because...well, the idea of someone doing that to their own children is just horrible. And Kazran's father's reaction regarding the fish...that terrified me also. Also, Kazran, just this sweet, gentle boy, breaking down once his father leaves...yeah. And older Kazran's reaction. His behavior is still contemptible, but there's also a reason behind it. He's the man his father made him, and that's perhaps one of the saddest parts about it.

On the other hand, little!Kazran's interactions with Eleven were a joy to watch (Eleven is just way too good with kids) -- for example, Kazran not buying the "mature, responsible adult" part; seriously, Doctor, you're like a puppy trapped in Time Lord form. *** (It really gives me the urge to draw the DOCTOR WHO cast as puppies somehow...but I digress) And the "when-boys-get-in-trouble-they-say-mummy" joke, which was also excellent. XD Also, Kazran's "There's a shark in my room?!" **** -- the actor's delivery was brilliant. XD (Seriously, DOCTOR WHO, how do you get such excellent child actors?)

Also, Kazran's pity for the sky shark was very sweet, and, I think, very realistic for a child. (Seriously, Steven Moffat is way too good at writing children) And it really makes it all the more heartbreaking with the idea of this sweet young boy becoming this bitter, broken man. Fortunately, the sky shark is not dead, and even comes in useful later when they're in a bind (let's say she ate half of Eleven's screwdriver). I also loved Abigail singing to her -- also a bit of a Crowning Moment of Funny when the fish (they're drawn to her voice, really) start biting the Doctor when he starts talking during Abigail's singing, and Kazran tells him to shut up. Also loved the visits to Abigail, and...well, there was something about riding on a sleigh drawn by a shark (seriously, how awesome is that? :D) and other things that made me wish I was with them. Seriously, they were that fun. :) Also, teenage Kazran developing feelings for Abigail, and a bit of his ignorance in regards to her family status -- I love how he's not portrayed as a sort of Upper Class Twit (for lack of a better word) but just a teenage boy who happens to come from a rich (if unhealthy) background. I also loved Eleven chatting with that one kid at the dinner who kept sort of spoiling his card tricks. XD That was adorable and funny at the same time.

And it really makes it all the more heartrending when Kazran sort of loses his innocence, in a way. It's very underplayed, but it's just a simple matter of Christmas Eves starting to bore him. Not to mention him pulling the curtains in the Doctor's face when the Doctor shows up outside his window. And later, when the Doctor speaks with him, and he starts arguing with the Doctor...and restrains himself from striking younger Kazran -- a very powerful echo of the beginning. And then he just straight up breaks down along with little Kazran...it's just devastating to watch. Also, his line to the Doctor earlier when the Doctor talks about the future. Sort of mocking the whole "ending up lonely" thing, with, "We all end up lonely, eventually", basically -- the man's not just cold anymore; he's just plain vulnerable and alone. Not to mention his reasoning for locking Abigail in the freeze -- because he didn't want her to die. Because she was ill, and he wanted to preserve her. Hell, Abigail herself said that he was hoarding her days like a miser (basically). Still, Moffat doesn't demonize him for it. He isn't praised either; he's just shown with the utmost sympathy and the utmost compassion, taking a man one would ordinarily find despicable and showing him as human. And really, I think wanting to hold onto those we love is very human -- God knows it's very real for me. I can recall fangirlblog once referring to Anakin's desire to preserve his loved ones as selfish if only to prop up Obi-Wan some more...but really, in the end, we are far from perfect beings. We can be kinder, gentler, more thoughtful, and so on and so forth, but we can't simply purge ourselves of everything that makes us human. We wouldn't go as far as Kazran or Anakin, or anyone, but we have many flaws in us, and many strengths, and many qualities that make us human. Denying them won't make us better, not truly. I think showing more compassion to ourselves and others, and actively working on those flaws instead of denying them, and pressing on no matter what happens...that will help us be better, not striving to an impossible ideal of perfection. Perfection is doomed to fail. But basic courage? That's one of many things that makes us the best of who we are.

So yes...Kazran's Heel Face Turn was lovely. Made even more powerful, IMHO, because in a way...well, it was like the old Kazran coming out to dance again. And made even more powerful when he gets on the sled pulled by the sky shark and goes soaring with Abigail. Lovely book-ends are lovely. <3

I also loved Amy there, with her What The Hell speech to Kazran in regards to the people he's letting die up there on the ship, and later, her and Rory hugging after the ship is saved. Also, Eleven failing at dating advice, getting accidentally engaged to Marilyn Monroe, and...well, a lot of things. Honestly, it was a beautiful episode. Just...flawless.

* I also don't think that the Doctor really changed regarding that. I think in every incarnation, Nine, Ten and Eleven, he's had that outlook. That "no one is unimportant" thing. I think that's one of many reasons it was so terrifying when Ten went over the edge in "The Waters of Mars". If nothing else, I think it's simply a bit of the Doctor that was broken if only slightly by the end of Ten's run coming out to dance again in Eleven. (I...probably just talked a lot of gibberish there. Sorry)

** Same for Eddie Connolly and his son in "The Idiot's Lantern", which really isn't helped considering how frighteningly realistic it came off as. Just the way he spoke to his son, and his wife...yeah. *Shivers*

*** Seriously, Matt Smith even has the eyes. And, as TV Tropes described him once, the personality of a Jack Russell terrier.

**** Seriously, I am already frightened of sharks, Moffat; you didn't have to make them fucking *fly*. (Well, not fly, more like air-swim, but you get my meaning. At least this sky shark is bizarrely adorable when you get to know her. :)

So overall? Seriously, watch it. It is amazing. And Moffat? Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. :)