ladyofleithian | Chapter Fourteen: Premonitions and Decisions

In which we get back to reality (of course), at least for a bit.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. Sadly enough.

It was the same dream that he kept having ever since the Clone Wars had begun. Or perhaps even further than that. The glow of a Sith’s eyes. The sound of its laughter. The Jedi Temple, smoke rising in the distance. Screams. And words that chilled Obi Wan to the bone.

“The time has come.” The Sith Lord Darth Sidious’ voice, sibilant and slippery and menacing, no more than a whisper if anything else. “Execute Order 66.”

Vader’s voice: “You’re no more than just a soldier following commands.”

A man in a cloak and a hood marching up the steps of the Jedi Temple with clonetroopers in his wake. His face was hidden, but at the same time, Obi Wan could sense the utter determination and duty in him.

Marching into the Temple. Cin Drallig, bless his soul, ordering his students to run. But of course, they wouldn’t leave him, would they?

Slaughter. Nothing more than slaughter. The scent of cloven flesh smelled almost sickeningly sweet.

The Trade Federation, dying.

The man in the cloak, dueling Padmè. Padmè, pleading with him. “Stop! Come back! We can help you!”

And, “Let me take Sabe to the medical center. She’s hurt. She needs medical attention.”

The man, in a low growl: “Don’t try and persuade me, Padawan. You’ve long forsaken that right.”

Dueling.

And Padmè: “Master, don’t. It’s over. I have the high ground. Just...put that lightsaber away and come with me. I can save you.”

The man, completely and utterly still on that platform, floating alone on the lava. And then...

“I am so sorry.”

Obi Wan woke, gasping for breath. He checked next to him only to find Sabe, bless her, still sound asleep. Her hair falling all around her almost like a waterfall, half a smile on her lips...Obi Wan found himself almost gasping with relief. She was all right. She was here with him. None of this was real.

None of this is real. Compose yourself. There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no death; there is the Force.

And even focusing on the Jedi Code, the simple rhythm of it, the lessons that it had to teach...even that was enough to at least still Obi Wan’s shaking.

There is no emotion...

But only slightly. It didn’t completely still Obi Wan’s shaking. If anything, even sitting on the bed, he had to worry – who was this man? That voice...it had sounded like him – but that couldn’t be him. It wasn’t him. He would never betray the Jedi. Not once. Not ever.

He would never –

Frustrated with the thoughts that wouldn’t completely go away, that refused to leave his mind no matter how much he tried, Obi Wan got up and walked towards the balcony on Coruscant. Even looking out over it was enough to make him feel bizarrely empty. Before, the skies of Coruscant were buzzing with air traffic. Now...now it seemed to have almost slowed to a complete halt. And the skies – they were already still burning with the aftermath of the war. The once proud city that he had been raised in, the city that had been his home, was no more than an empty durasteel wasteland. Broken. Desolate. Stained with darkness.

Even looking at it was almost too much to take in.

And he felt the familiar emotions beginning to rise – hatred, hatred that he had tried so vainly to control and stifle and smother, but was, if anything, coming faster. Hatred of the Separatists that built in his hands that seemed to curl on the railing of the balcony and squeeze the railings so hard that his hands hurt – Force, they hurt – and build in his shoulders and his arms and rise to his face with a heat that almost frightened him, and built in the hollows of his eyelids. And worse than that was grief – grief for all the lives that the Separatists had taken.

He could still remember his words to Dooku in their next confrontation. “You treat yourself as if you’re righteous, but all you do is murder and destroy. Did you even see her? What you did to Padawan Tano?”

“Her death was wrong.” Dooku’s voice was soft, almost like the toll of a requiem. “If it does console you, Master Kenobi...her death was not in vain.”

And yet that had done little to console him. Even in this moment, even remembering, the hatred seemed to die away if only to a dull ache inside his heart. A sort of emptiness that wouldn’t stop hurting. Before, he had been good at letting go – even with Qui Gon, he was good at it.

But this? This...this he could not quite let go of.

He could feel her presence before she so much as entered the room. And when she entered, if anything, the worry on her face was enough to make him feel if only the first pangs of guilt for upsetting her so. Then she spoke. “Are you all right?”

“I am, I am.” Obi Wan sighed. “Simply...nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Sabe’s brows furrowed. “Of what sort?”

“Just...nightmares. About the war. I mean,” Obi Wan said, trying to inject some degree of levity into his tone, “It comes with the territory, I suppose.” He had been good at trying to inject a degree of humor to lighten the situation. Always had. And yet even now, he didn’t quite believe it himself.

Sabe sighed and shook her head. “Obi Wan,” she said, “If they’re bothering you so...just tell me.”

“All right.”

Obi Wan took a deep breath. Even telling her about the nightmares was enough to hurt his heart; recounting the man who battled with Padmè, and Sabe getting hurt, and so much more...when he finished, he felt, almost, as if someone had cut him open if only to cut out his heart.

No, not just that. He felt almost shaky, and drained, and exhausted even talking about it – and yet at the very least, he could take a degree of consolation from the fact that Sabe was here, and all was well.

“Obi Wan,” Sabe said, softly, “It’s just a dream. I really doubt that it’s going to come to pass.”

“I don’t know. The future is always in motion, after all.” Obi Wan reached up if only to rub his temples; it felt as if there was a loose thought in there, rattling in around his mind and refusing to leave.

The loose thought in question being the nightmare, and his fears for the future.

“Well,” Sabe said, “If the future is always in motion – then maybe it means that the dream is just a dream, and it’s not going to come to pass.”

“It keeps occurring.”

“Then maybe there’s a way to prevent it. After all,” Sabe said, “What use are choices if you can’t change your own fate?”

Obi Wan could only suppose that she was right. And yet, at the same time...

“Perhaps,” he said, “The question is how to do it.”

“If we find the Sith Lord,” Sabe said, “Perhaps then we can find a place to begin.”

Obi Wan grinned. “Did anyone ever tell you that you are a genius, Sabe?”

“I try.” A smile came across Sabe’s face, and a degree of her old humor and mischief seemed to return.

In spite of everything, the both of them laughed. And then Obi Wan faltered. “Sabe,” he said, “Whatever happens, we are going to find Dooku and Grievous and bring them to justice.” A pause. “Perhaps find a way to save Dooku if we can.”

Sabe nodded. Then she faltered as well. “Obi Wan,” she said, “I’m not saying that this is a bad thing, but...after all that Dooku’s done, why do you want to save him?”

There were so many reasons now that Obi Wan thought about it. Perhaps it was the fact he was Qui Gon’s master once – thus, Obi Wan was trying to get into contact with a man he had barely gotten the chance to know. A sort of grandfather figure to him, of sorts – after all, Qui Gon had been almost like the father he had never had. Perhaps it was the fact that Dooku was great once, and he could be so much more if he allowed himself to be. Perhaps it was the fact that, if anything, it was the Jedi thing to do. In the end, he said, “Because even he was a great man once, Sabe. Perhaps one of the greatest men on the Council. And if anything...” He sighed. “I have to believe he can be saved. Perhaps then...then we can do something right for once.”

“You’ve done a lot of things right.”

“I don’t know.”

“Whatever you may have done, you did it for the right reasons,” Sabe said. “We’ve all had to make sacrifices. If anything...whatever others have said, they’re wrong.” She smiled. “I think the best way to put it is that every last one of the Jedi are good men and women, no matter what.” A pause. “Including you,” she said, more lightly, “But that may be some degree of favoritism on my part.”

And in spite of everything, they both laughed. At least, Obi Wan thought, some degree of a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Perhaps the end of the war wouldn’t be easy. Perhaps averting a bad future wouldn’t be easy – but it didn’t mean that they couldn’t try.