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Author's Notes: Well, we're nearing the end. I'd like to thank everyone who's stuck with me thus far. You guys have been absolutely amazing. :)
Also, I'd definitely like to recommend
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numberthescars' art for this fic: http://numberthescars.livejournal.com/16770.html#cutid1. Because she did an amazing job. :3 It was morning when Satine went into labor.
Even now, trying to catch up on whatever remnants of sleep that he had, it was early in the morning when Anakin was woken up by Padme, telling him to go to the medical center. “Satine may be dying.”
“What?”
“The medical droids...” Padme sighed. “They don’t know what happened, but they’re losing her. They’re operating quickly to save the children, but I’m not sure it’ll be enough.”
So fighting the urge to grumble -- how could he possibly complain about not getting enough sleep, when the life of one of his dearest friends was at stake? -- Anakin followed Padme into the room where Satine was.
***
The pain kept pouring in, steadier and steadier. Even now, lying on the birthing table,, Satine Kryze Kenobi doubted that she had been in so much pain in her life. And yet she had to press on. She was not made the Duchess of Mandalore for giving into pain, giving into fear.
And yet even now, she could feel Obi-Wan on Coruscant, as Sidious continued to operate on him, to prepare him for...something. She knew not what, but she knew that it couldn’t possibly be good.
“Satine.” She could hear Anakin’s voice, ragged with worry, ragged with fear. Even looking up at him, she could see traces of the scared nine year old boy she knew once. “Hold on. You’re going to be all right.”
She smiled, rather weakly, up at him. “I don’t know...”
And then the pains overtook her again. Labor pains -- even now, it felt like her nerves were on fire as she continued to push -- as the medical droid encouraged her, gently, soothingly, to push.
But more than that. Obi-Wan’s construction was still underway. Could it be she had formed a bond with him? A mental bond, so much like a Master-Padawan bond, only deeper?
It was not outside the realm of possibility, she assumed.
And finally...
A boy, the medical droids had said. A beautiful, healthy baby boy. Even now, Satine remembered the names that Obi-Wan had suggested for the child. One was Jinn, after his late master, Qui-Gon Jinn.
Jinn. Even now, that fit perfectly.
“Jinn...” Even now, reaching out to touch her newly born child, Satine smiled -- he was writhing now in Anakin’s arms, red in the face, wailing, and yet even now, he was beautiful...more than beautiful. How she wished that Obi-Wan was here to see this day.
And then the labor pains overtook her again.
“Satine,” Anakin murmured, “Hold on. Stay with me.” His voice cracked, almost as if he sensed -- or feared? -- that she would not survive this.
And even now, the darkness was threatening to overtake her.
She had to fight it.
Had to...
Finally, another infant was born. A girl. Even now, Satine had to chuckle -- in a way, they were both right. They were twins...even now, she could see so many possibilities. She and Obi-Wan, happy together, Padme at peace, Anakin a Master in his own right -- perhaps they would be standing together, standing tall against the darkness, and all would be well. But that...that was a thing that was never to be.
“Satine,” Anakin murmured, “Stay with me.” It was a broken repetition, the repetition of a madman, almost -- except not quite. It was the broken repetition of a child.
Satine smiled wearily. “Name her...name her Kaida.”
“Kaida...” Anakin repeated the name, almost as if testing it. “Kaida Kenobi...” He smiled through the tears that seemed to be threatening to fall. “It sounds wonderful.”
Even now, holding Jinn while Padme held Kaida, Satine could not help but realize he looked...old. As if he had matured far beyond his years. A far cry from the naive, high-spirited, cocky young Padawan that Obi-Wan had taken under his wing.
“Anakin,” Satine whispered, “Protect them. No matter what happens.”
“I will,” Anakin said. “I promise.”
Satine felt relief pour through her body. Even now, she could still see Jinn resting in Anakin’s arms, Kaida resting in Padme’s. She found herself reaching for them, almost as if swimming up towards the surface of Kamino’s tempestuous oceans, trying to stay afloat...
...only for the waves of darkness to claim her, pull her under.
And it was there, on Polis Massa, on a lone asteroid colony, surrounded by her dearest friends, those she was most glad to be with at the end of everything, that Satine Kenobi died.
***
Chaos tore through the medical room. Even now, Jinn began wailing in Anakin’s arms, while alarms continued to go off. The medical droids, if anything, seemed confused that Satine had died on the operating table like that.
Died...
Even now, holding Jinn in his arms, Anakin could not help but feel the old claws, the old shadow, of sheer failure begin to sink its way into his heart. He could not afford to break down, not now -- not while Jinn still needed him.
“Is there anything...any blue milk we could heat up for Jinn?”
“I’m certain it’s around here somewhere,” Padme said. “I hope.”
It was searching for a long while -- and attempting to calm Jinn, to sing softly to him; Anakin could not say that his singing was very good, but at the very least, it was worth the effort -- that Anakin finally found milk to heat up for Jinn. Even now, feeding Jinn this, the child seemed a bit quieter...calmer even.
It was no replacement for Satine’s warmth -- even remembering it was enough to send pangs of guilt through Anakin
i promised there wouldn’t be another death, and yet
thinking about it.
Jinn, now that he was better fed, slightly calmer now away from the alarms of the medical droids, long after the bottle was drained and thrown away, reached up and inquisitively touched his fingers to Anakin’s face.
“It’s all right, Jinn,” Anakin said, trying to keep his voice as level, as soothing as he could -- even though on the inside, his emotions were already whirling, confused, practically screaming. “It’ll be fine.”
Jinn frowned, almost inquisitively -- Anakin had to fight the urge to laugh and cry at the same time. The expression was almost a perfect match for Obi-Wan’s.
“It will,” Anakin said. “I promise.”
Even now, humming a Tatooine lullaby to Jinn, lulling the child to sleep, Anakin could not help but remember. Tatooine -- his mother, Shmi Skywalker, kind and gentle and warm and supportive: you can’t stop change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting.
And yet even now, as he cradled the now sleeping Jinn in his arms, Anakin wished he could.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Caught up - again.
Date: 2012-10-07 09:58 pm (UTC)Re: Caught up - again.
Date: 2012-10-07 10:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-08 02:21 am (UTC)It's obvious that Anakin feels that he avoided a trap that got Obi Wan instead. :(
no subject
Date: 2012-10-08 02:30 am (UTC)And definite thanks. :)
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