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She could hear the faint sound of a frantic voice, pleading with her to open her eyes. Even now, she doubted that she could find the strength. Everything seemed to hurt, to ache all over – if she was dead, dying shouldn’t have hurt that much –
“Satine? Satine, can you hear me? Satine!”
Slowly, slowly but surely, Satine opened her eyes. There, standing above her, was a familiar face -- Anakin Skywalker. The first thing she noticed about him were the bloodshot eyes and the messy hair -- he looked almost as if he had stayed up far too late that night worrying about her. Not surprising considering Anakin, but even so...Satine wished, sometimes, that he didn’t have to worry about her so much.
Then again, considering that it was Anakin, it was par for the course.
“Knight Skywalker.” Satine smiled, wanly. “I knew you’d come for me.” She sat up. “What is this place?”
“You’re at the Polis Massa asteroid colony,” Anakin said. “It’s not the best place to go, but even so...” He sighed. “It’s definitely the best place to stay so you can recuperate.”
“I see. Knight Skywalker?”
“Yes?”
“You worry too much. For all of us.”
Anakin went solemn; Satine could only imagine that he was remembering the loss of his mother. How she had been kidnapped and brutally murdered by the Tusken Raiders...and there was something else in his eyes, something darker than what she had seen even on Tatooine, when she and Obi-Wan had had to try and stir him out of his rage and desire for bloodshed.
“Anakin?”
“It was Sidious,” Anakin said, bitterly. “He set it up. All of it.” He sighed. “I would probably appreciate his abilities if he hadn’t hurt so many people as a result.”
“Indeed?” Suddenly, Satine was curious -- too curious, in fact. Too curious by half was a good way to put it. Something in her told her that she already knew, and yet at the same time, she had to at least know how much Sidious had actually set up. How thoroughly they had been played. Everyone needed to know, at least.
“Everything to the letter,” Anakin said. “He needed decoys -- that’s what Dooku and Grievous and the others were. Nothing more than decoys. Grievous...” He seemed to be taking a deep breath, as if remembering. “They were all ploys, just to draw me in. And when he couldn’t seize me, he seized Obi-Wan instead.”
“So everything that happened on Mustafar...”
“Yes,” Anakin said. “All of it was just a result of a set-up. We were tricked...every last one of us.”
And even now, Satine could only stare in sheer bewilderment at the idea, the sheer inanity of it all. Sidious played us, all of us, like pawns in a game of dejarik...
“I’m sorry, Satine,” Anakin said. “I shouldn’t have brought that up...”
“No,” Satine said. “There is no need for apologies. Of all the people who need to apologize for this,” she said, “It’s not you.”
Something flickered in Anakin’s eyes -- a trace of guilt, and something worse than that, sheer, overpowering grief. Even now, Satine didn’t need the Force to understand that what Anakin felt, how Anakin felt...
It seemed all too similar to when Obi-Wan had returned to Stewjon and found it in ruins.
“Anakin,” she said, “What happened?”
“Obi-Wan...I...”
“What happened to him?”
“I let him go,” Anakin said. “I...I didn’t want to, but he told me to run. And I knew I had to run -- for all of your sakes. If...if it weren’t for you, for Padme, for Yoda, for the others, I wouldn’t have run.”
Even now, Satine knew she had every right in the galaxy to be angry. And yet somehow, seeing Anakin in such a vulnerable position, in such a broken state, so similar after his near-rampage at the Tusken camp, she couldn’t bring herself to shout at him. Mustafar...Mustafar had left her drained anyway.
Besides, it would be the ultimate hypocrisy to tell Anakin off in such a manner, considering that Satine herself had made similar decisions.
And yet...
In the end, the best she could do was console him, with mere empty platitudes about the importance of doing one’s duty. Even Anakin, however, didn’t seem to be able to accept them.
“I didn’t want to leave him,” he said, almost blankly -- it sounded almost like a man who had been stretched to the limits of his sanity. A broken, tired young man who was so different from the idealistic young Padawan that she knew. Mustafar had broken him. Utapau had broken him. Everything about the Clone Wars had broken him. "I never would have left him." He kept repeating it to himself, softly.
"Anakin," Satine said, softly. "It's all right."
“No, it's not. I’m a Jedi.” Even now, he sounded broken, on the edge of tears. “I know I’m better than this.”
And even now, sitting next to him, Satine Kryze, for the first time in her life, didn’t know what to say.
***
It took a while before Anakin could finally calm himself -- get himself together, to collect himself, to become the Jedi Knight everyone else was used to instead of the broken, helpless, almost child-like young man he had most likely betrayed himself as. At the very least, looking into Satine Kryze’s eyes, he could only imagine that’s what he had come off as. She seemed afraid, frightened, even helpless-looking -- and even the idea that he had unintentionally inflicted that on her was enough to fill him with guilt.
“Satine,” he said, “Please forgive me for my display. I simply...”
“War is never easy. Nor are the choices made.”
“I know that,” Anakin said, “But even so...knowing is one thing. Seeing is another.” He paused, realizing that he had almost, perfectly, quoted Obi-Wan. It was almost as if the former Jedi Master’s voice was still there, in his thoughts, in his actions, haunting him.
He had half-expected Satine to write him off as a monster. To call him cold, frozen, cruel, to accuse him of leaving Obi-Wan there if only to suffer, to burn to death. But even that...he doubted that Satine would have done something like that. Although the Duchess of Mandalore had her limits
former Duchess of Mandalore? even now, he wasn’t sure -- they were, after all, now men and women on the run from the Empire. if even Yoda couldn’t defeat Sidious, who could?
he doubted that she was the one to blindly accuse someone without a trial. It didn’t seem to be in her character, really.
A quirk seemed to appear at the corners of Satine’s lips. “Obi-Wan did rub off on you, didn’t he?”
Anakin nodded. “For his part. Satine,” he added, “You should get some rest. Just in case.”
Satine seemed quizzical at first -- she wasn’t the type to simply lie around, so to speak, when there was much to be done. But eventually, she nodded. “Very well then. Thank you.”
It was then that Padme walked inside. “Anakin,” she said, “Let her go. She’ll be all right.”
Anakin smiled, sadly. “I don’t know.”
