He still doesn't know why she saved him from Malachor, why she pulled him from the wreckage of the Mass Shadow Generator. He can only conclude that it was some twisted form of mercy -- the woman is no Sith. If anything, she is nothing more than an infiltrator, infecting the Sith ranks with her soft-hearted dream of a better galaxy, while the rest of the Sith suffer in obscurity -- and the worst part is, he may actually *agree* with her on some points.
I kind of succumbed to rambly sentences here. Sorry.
====
He tries to block out the memories of Mustafar, tries to block out the memories of Padme pleading with him to come back ("I love you"), tries to block out the memories of Obi-Wan begging, in his last moments, to come back to the light side ("You were my...brother, Anakin...") -- and yet at night, they come flooding back in full force. Raising Luke and Leia is a joyous (if difficult) task, and even having the presence of them is enough to dull the pain of the memories -- at least at times. And yet, when he falls asleep, he can hear the sound of the dead star dragon that's haunted his childhood, whispering to him of his failure, and that, if anything, losing Obi-Wan and Padme was just the beginning -- something that he simply cannot take.
He hadn't expected to find Padme again -- nor Luke -- after Mustafar, let alone any time before this moment, and yet, even now, with the both of them, watching the stars outside the viewscreen, he felt something he hadn't felt in a while: he felt foolishly content, and most of all determined.
They would take down the Emperor -- they would avenge everything they had lost, they would atone for the mistakes had made.
And yet even now, underneath that layer of determination, of certainty, of sheer *relief* that they were once again together, Vader could not help but wonder if they would ever forgive him -- how could they, after all, when after all these years, it was hard to forgive himself?
I also find it nice that Vader is unequivocally happy to be with them. Not to say that it’s bad when he struggles to deny his feelings because he’s trying to erase all traces of Anakin Skywalker from himself (as has happened in many fanfics), but it’s still nice to see that he’s relieved that they’re alive and that he’s content to just be with them.
I think, in a way, I can see both possibilities happening. Vader trying to harden his heart against those who seemingly wronged him (and TBF, where Obi-Wan's concerned, it's not like I disagree. But that's another rant entirely) -- but ultimately, in the end, he's still quite loving (especially where Padme and Luke are concerned). He's a complicated character, Vader -- one of many reasons I like him. :)
(Sorry if I don't make sense, BTW -- can't say I slept well last night)
That's good to know. Thanks. :) *Hugs some more* I guess I was worried because...I can't say I slept well last night. (But I guess that's the upside of weekends -- they allow you to get more sleep)
And thanks. :) Januaried made it; she's very talented.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-15 11:02 pm (UTC)Hope it's good (my KOTOR skills are a little rusty).
Date: 2012-02-15 11:05 pm (UTC)Re: Hope it's good (my KOTOR skills are a little rusty).
Date: 2012-02-15 11:13 pm (UTC)Uh huh! Admit it, Sion.
Is good! Thanks!
Re: Hope it's good (my KOTOR skills are a little rusty).
Date: 2012-02-15 11:22 pm (UTC)I know, right?!
And happy to oblige! :D
no subject
Date: 2012-02-15 11:18 pm (UTC)Here it is. *Prays it's good, normal-verse skills are a bit rusty*
Date: 2012-02-18 01:33 am (UTC)====
He tries to block out the memories of Mustafar, tries to block out the memories of Padme pleading with him to come back ("I love you"), tries to block out the memories of Obi-Wan begging, in his last moments, to come back to the light side ("You were my...brother, Anakin...") -- and yet at night, they come flooding back in full force. Raising Luke and Leia is a joyous (if difficult) task, and even having the presence of them is enough to dull the pain of the memories -- at least at times. And yet, when he falls asleep, he can hear the sound of the dead star dragon that's haunted his childhood, whispering to him of his failure, and that, if anything, losing Obi-Wan and Padme was just the beginning -- something that he simply cannot take.
Re: Here it is. *Prays it's good, normal-verse skills are a bit rusty*
Date: 2012-02-20 01:11 am (UTC)Re: Here it is. *Prays it's good, normal-verse skills are a bit rusty*
Date: 2012-02-20 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-16 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-16 02:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 12:45 am (UTC)Here it is. *Prays it's up to scratch*
Date: 2012-02-18 01:39 am (UTC)They would take down the Emperor -- they would avenge everything they had lost, they would atone for the mistakes had made.
And yet even now, underneath that layer of determination, of certainty, of sheer *relief* that they were once again together, Vader could not help but wonder if they would ever forgive him -- how could they, after all, when after all these years, it was hard to forgive himself?
Re: Here it is. *Prays it's up to scratch*
Date: 2012-02-18 04:32 am (UTC)I also find it nice that Vader is unequivocally happy to be with them. Not to say that it’s bad when he struggles to deny his feelings because he’s trying to erase all traces of Anakin Skywalker from himself (as has happened in many fanfics), but it’s still nice to see that he’s relieved that they’re alive and that he’s content to just be with them.
Re: Here it is. *Prays it's up to scratch*
Date: 2012-02-18 01:19 pm (UTC)I think, in a way, I can see both possibilities happening. Vader trying to harden his heart against those who seemingly wronged him (and TBF, where Obi-Wan's concerned, it's not like I disagree. But that's another rant entirely) -- but ultimately, in the end, he's still quite loving (especially where Padme and Luke are concerned). He's a complicated character, Vader -- one of many reasons I like him. :)
(Sorry if I don't make sense, BTW -- can't say I slept well last night)
Re: Here it is. *Prays it's up to scratch*
Date: 2012-02-19 12:14 am (UTC)Don’t worry, you made perfect sense. :)
P.S. I love your Luke/Vader icon.
Re: Here it is. *Prays it's up to scratch*
Date: 2012-02-19 12:20 am (UTC)And thanks. :) Januaried made it; she's very talented.