Mostly written because I'm feeling down and need to get my feelings out

[ladyofleithian]

TITLE: Feel For You

SUMMARY: Lumiya flies Luke from Mustafar, and memories of the past fly with them. Set in the Role Reversal verse.

WARNINGS: Other than some rusty writing skills, nothing much.

RATING: PG.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters. Seriously.




Below, Mustafar was a vision of hell.

Even as Empress Lumiya managed to safely dock her ship in the least likely place it would be doused by flames, she could already feel his agony. Smoldering down there, writhing in pain.

Oh Force, oh dear Force...

Her walk broke into a sprint as she ran down to that lava bank. There he lay, near death -- his limbs were almost all cut off, and his skin...Mustafar had nearly cooked it from his bones. He seemed so helpless now, more like a small, scared child than the Sith Lord she'd trained.

She looked out the window at the fallen form of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. There could have been another way. There should have been, really. But he'd chosen the way of the Jedi Order -- chosen the way of the traitors. He'd wasted his potential. Even clenching the window sill, she hadn't felt Luke come up behind her, place a hand on her shoulder. "What do we do now?"

She turned to look at him. There was such honesty in his eyes, such passion underneath the surface, that somehow, she was reminded too much of Caedus. How he'd come to her long ago, asking how to save the Republic.

"Why save something you despise so deeply?"

And even now, she could have asked the same question of Luke as well. So honest. So hell-bent on doing what he believed was right. He'd stood with her. When so many Jedi had abandoned her, he'd defended her, loved her -- in his way -- stood with her...it was a miracle he hadn't taken a bullet for her at this moment.

"I...doubt either of us wants to take this next step, Luke," she said, "But...it has to be done."

"Chancellor?"

She turned to look at him. "Go to the Temple. Wipe out the Jedi. All of them."

"Chancellor -- "

She took his hands. "Killing one group of traitors won't end treason. You know how the Jedi despise my kind. We must make the stroke before they kill us."

"I know," Luke said. "But those people..." He sighed. "You may not feel any particular attachment to them, Shira, but I do. I served with them. They're my friends."

"Friends?" Lumiya almost laughed. "What friends?"

There was silence.

"Han trusts me."

"Not enough to tell you of their plot."

There was a long silence. Luke seemed to be contemplating all that had happened -- everything he'd done, everything done to him. All those hopes come to nothing, all those dreams come to nothing, how the galaxy lay in the balance, how Mara's life lay in the balance...

And finally...

"I'll do it, Shira. For the galaxy's sake."


"Luke..."

She scooped him into her arms. He seemed to stir slightly, murmur...something.

"My lady..."

It was a name she knew all too well. Caedus had used it once. And Luke...

It was one night as they looked out at galactic city that Luke turned to look at her. "You seem troubled, Shira. Is there something wrong?"

"I'm fine," she said. "It's just..." She took a deep breath. "I doubt I can continue ruling as I do if the people refuse to trust in me...in us."

"The people have faith in you," Luke said. "And Qui-Gon is still loyal to you."

She smiled faintly. "He's lost whatever trust he used to have in me. I know I've lost my trust in him."

Fingers touched her cheek gently, almost too gently. "Don't speak like that."

She turned away from him. Somehow, that simple touch seemed to burn like a lightsaber. To make her heart flutter -- how was she going to carry out the last of Plagueis' wishes if she could barely control how this boy made her...

feel?

"My lady."

She nearly jumped. A wave of rage swept over her for a moment, making her shake

she remembered a man who used a similar phrase, and who had died for his love for her. Everyone she'd cared about, sacrificed in the name of the greater good...

but her anger softened as she saw the sheer love and truth and feeling in his eyes. He wasn't taunting her -- merely...trying to reassure her. In his way. And she smiled.

Luke continued in earnest. "My lady...you are honest and true and brave, and have much to fight for. And I have...nothing to offer this galaxy. Nothing but...my loyalty. And the hope I can save my friends. Qui-Gon. Han. Leia. Mara. More than anything I...I wish I could see them again."

"What of me?" she asked. "Would I be counted as a friend as well?"

His hand gently brushed her cheek, brushed stray coils of hair from her face. "More than that. You're perhaps my only true friend...my lady."

They were close. Too close.

Playing into my hands, doing my job for me --

And they were kissing, and Lumiya's heart -- it was already bursting open like the mysterious blooms of Alderaan that Leia had once given her, long long ago...

Finally, they broke apart, gasping for breath. Confused. Luke even looked...slightly guilty.

"We shouldn't have done such a thing," he said. "It's wrong. I shouldn't...I shouldn't -- someone else -- "

"Who, Luke?" she said, gently. "Who?"

"Mara. Mara and I..."

"I know." He hadn't tried to hide his love for her, ever since they'd first arrived on Coruscant. Ever since he and Mara had seen one another again.

And perhaps since before that...

They stood looking over Coruscant, in silence, trying and failing to pretend

she was usually so good at pretending

like the kiss had never happened.


"Luke," she whispered, brushing strands of hair away from his face. She activated her comlink. "Ralter! Get the medical capsule, immediately!"

"But -- "

"Just do it!" Lumiya snapped.

Once Ralter had managed to get the capsule

he was efficient, Lumiya would grant him that

she sat next to Luke, placed her hand tenderly over his forehead. She hadn't realized, somehow, in her last attempt to honor her Master's wishes, that she'd end up falling in love

somehow

with Luke Skywalker. But she had.

The boy was easy to love.

Such a bright star couldn't be taken from this galaxy without diminishing all that remained. Somehow, that light needed to be reflected. A brilliant Dark star, shooting over the galaxy's horizon.

The Empress knelt next to her fallen knight and let her will, her quiet prayer to the Dark Side of the Force itself, flow into the young Knight's body. What power you granted me, let it pass to him. Let him be spared.

Save him...


***

Memories. Memories continued to swim through the haziness of Luke Skywalker's vision.

Owen and Beru. Owen, gruff and stern but kind, and Beru -- sweet and funny and unfailingly kind no matter what -- racing through Beggar's Canyon on speeders, much to the annoyance of those living next door.

Biggs. Camie. So many people he'd left behind on Tatooine.

Deep blue eyes suddenly going bright as Han said, "Maybe I can teach you some things, kid. I mean...I'm not what you'd call 'good', but at the very least...we could learn more about the Jedi together."

A smile spread over Luke's face despite himself. "I'd love to!"

Mara. Dear Mara. Her smile, her laugh -- her warm touch and embrace. That glorious fan of red gold hair falling around her shoulder as she laughed on Alderaan with him, so long ago...

...holding her tight against the burning backdrop of Coruscant. "Our baby is a blessing, not a problem."...

Racing against one another on speeders through Alderaan, much to the annoyance of the neighbors.

Meeting her family.

Dismounting from the wreckage of the formerly grand Star Destroyer, the Deliverance, giving his speech, on Chancellor Brie's request, to those below. "Let the Corellian Confederacy know this -- never again will our grand city fall into enemy hands!"

Mara, embracing him in the dark, quietly. "You're back. I didn't think you'd...come back."

Stroking back her hair -- that beautiful hair. He'd always loved that hair. Like a sunrise. "I'm here, Mara. You don't need to be afraid."

That look of disbelief turning into a broad smile.

And the kiss...the confession...the possibility of the life they could have had, away from war and grief and despair --


When he woke, he was in a pristine white room, surrounded by his beloved comrades. People he'd laughed with and eaten with and played with and bantered with and bickered with --

Including Dack Ralter. Bless Dak. Dack was always there for him. Always with him...

Except maybe Cato Nemoidia, Luke remembered with a faint smile. But then again, it wasn't exactly his fault. He'd gotten there a little too late.

Dack was weeping. Somehow, it didn't seem right. Dack shouldn't weep.

"I'm not going to let a ten thousand strong Vong army keep me back."

Luke grinned at him. "I know what you mean."

They were gods. No one could stop them. No one would even try.

Luke looked at Dack, sent the kindest thoughts he could his way. It's all right. It doesn't hurt anymore. He was dead -- that was the only explanation for the white room, for the tears, for the sheer emptiness that seemed to fill everything...and he was whole. The lava hadn't seared off his limbs.

Dack turned to Lumiya. "What's wrong with him?" he asked. "Is his...mind affected?"

Luke laughed despite himself. Dack, dear Dack... Sometimes he loved the man. More than anything else. He stopped. Why wasn't Dack laughing too?

Force, his throat hurt. Felt like he'd been inhaling sand particles for hours...

"Where is Mara?" His voice practically scraped. "Where is she?" And the child, was his unspoken plea to Lumiya. Where is our child?

Where is he?

Lumiya cast a sympathetic look in Dack's direction. "It's best you aren't there to see this," she said.

"Why?" Dack said, almost perfectly echoing Luke's question. I'm dead. They can't hurt me any more. They can't hurt me, or Mara, or anyone else. Why am I being denied the right to see my child?

Lumiya sighed, whispered something to Dack that Luke couldn't hear -- let alone read. Her face was so difficult to read that it was almost infuriating. Show me where Mara is, Luke wanted to shout. Show me anything -- my greatest fears, my greatest hopes come true -- show them to me!

But he didn't say it out loud. Force, he was so tired. So sore...

Once Dack was -- reluctantly -- out of earshot, Lumiya walked towards him. There was something about her face, something uncommon -- almost like she was on the verge of tears. Luke reached up towards her face, to brush them away --

she looked so much like Mara. Force, he loved them both...

-- only for him to brush a trail of soil and blood across that flawless face.

He paused.

Blood.


He was alive.

And then he remembered. Vader's fury come to life, burning hotter than the fires of Mustafar, as he and Mara fought. He remembered her, falling -- wounded -- and he remembered those screams that kept echoing across their bond even as he lay wounded on the surface of Mustafar --

and Han leaving him to die

no Force no!

The Force couldn't have let him live.

The Force couldn't have taken away everything he had -- his friends, his family, his identity, everything -- and not had the mercy to grant him a quick death.

"I'm sorry, Luke."

And in that moment, the Sith Lord's fury came to life. In the Force, all those jumbled thoughts came together into a wordless, unrecognizable scream of rage that could have been heard across galaxies. Everything in the room shattered even as he screamed his fury, his frustration, his rage into the Force.

And finally, he turned to look at Lumiya.

There was only sadness and pity in her eyes. Uncharacteristic sadness and pity, almost as if saying, This is the price you paid. The price we paid.

She drew him into her arms and rubbed soothing circles on his back even as he wept in the darkness.

Comments

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

XD

In the good sense or the bad sense (regarding the "something else" thing. ^__^)?

And Tor Whitloc is absolutely win. Seriously. XD

[darth-eldritch.livejournal.com]

In a great hilarious sense!!!!!! XD!!!!

Thanks! I always have fun with Tor.

His avatar is the handsome blond guy with blue eyes, he usually wears the black Jedi Knight robes, or the Gray Jedi robes when I can find them, and has a silver double bladed lightsaber.
I would love to find a mod to get rid of the extreme dark side uglification of the face, just change the eyes dark side. Then he would look great!

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

Ah. I see. :)

And you're definitely welcome. :)

And yeah...the Dark Side effects aren't exactly my cup of tea either. Although you do get an abundance of Black Comedy when people decide to, um, point them out. I remember one priceless moment when I played as a DSF Exile and I got back to Telos for the battle with Nihilus:

LIEUTENANT GRENN: You look terrible; what happened to you? Some sort of plague going around?

I dunno; it was just so unexpected it made me laugh. XD

[darth-eldritch.livejournal.com]

I know, the comments... Whitloc would be saying something about it, too. like, you want to live?

I so want mods for that to get rid of it.

But my Dark Side Revan looks good, even with the bad coloring of the skin. He's the bald one who looks like Genghis Khan.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

I think they released some mods. I can't recall their names though. #Probably at Filefront or something?

[darth-eldritch.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I'll look for them when I get another computer for gaming, which should be soon.

[ladyhadhafang.livejournal.com]

No problem. :) Good luck! :D