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Apr. 19th, 2011 11:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTITLE: Crosswise
SUMMARY: Anakin's thoughts about Obi-Wan before the latter comes to Mustafar. ROTS Novelization-verse.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this. Seriously.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just a bit of a writing exercise I did.
Tell me all those things you don't say to my face.
Tell me that I'm a monster. That I'm frozen. That I'm nothing but a traitor, an enemy to the state. Tell me that I'm unclean, unimportant, tell me that you didn't care and never would.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Not really.
Tell me all those things that you say that I don't believe.
Tell me all those things that you never say.
Tell me everything, Master.
Say anything.
Say nothing at all.
Tell me all the things that I wanted to hear when I was with you, Master. Hell, tell me everything you would never want me to hear. Tell me how you wish I had died at Theed and Qui-Gon had lived.
Tell me these things.
It's better than the silence outside.
Did you ever see the sunset from Coruscant? Is it the same from Mustafar? From Tatooine? I'm sure it is...even if you refuse to admit it. You never were willing to step outside the boundaries the Jedi put out for you. You were afraid, hiding in the shadows, afraid of everything you were.
A coward.
A liar.
If there's one thing that I have over you, it's the fact that I am not afraid of myself.
You tried to make me afraid.
You'll be expelled from the Order.
Your thoughts are of jealousy and pride.
On Qui-Gon's request, you imprisoned me. You made my body a cage, my mind bars, my soul the only thing to keep me company in this...prison that you and the others set up for me.
Don't lie to me, Obi-Wan. For all the times you said you loved me, for all the times you said that you cared about me, all that really mattered to you was making sure that the cub never surpassed you in glory.
Egalitarian.
No one's better than everyone else.
It's in the damn code. No one's better than everyone else. Ambition is of the Dark Side. All these things I was fed as a Padawan seem to stream back to me in bursts of memory -- flashes. Pin pricks.
The sun's dying over Mustafar. And as it does, one part of me, that still naive part of me who would have given everything I was to make you happy, reaches out to you, trying to find you.
I love you, comes its silent cry.
You don't answer.
That's fine.
It was nothing more than a dream, Obi-Wan. The idea that you would love me -- that you would see me for who I really was and stand beside me. That I would sit beside you as your equal. For all the Order's talks of equality, they're nothing but liars.
Seats on the Jedi Council are not handed out like party favors...
The last remains of your memory die in the growing dusk of Mustafar like the ashes of that dead star dragon you planted inside me such a long time ago. For a moment, I hear your voice
strong and wise Anakin and I am very proud of you
but it blows away as well.
You lied to me, Obi-Wan.
You're going to kill me -- I've sensed it. You think I didn't sense that the little green toad was collaborating with you to kill me?
What will happen after you kill me?
Maybe I'll be brushed away from your memory like you have from mine -- another dirty little Jedi secret.
But I won't die today.
After all, there are visions of glory I must fulfill -- and promises that have to be kept.
SUMMARY: Anakin's thoughts about Obi-Wan before the latter comes to Mustafar. ROTS Novelization-verse.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this. Seriously.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just a bit of a writing exercise I did.
Tell me all those things you don't say to my face.
Tell me that I'm a monster. That I'm frozen. That I'm nothing but a traitor, an enemy to the state. Tell me that I'm unclean, unimportant, tell me that you didn't care and never would.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Not really.
Tell me all those things that you say that I don't believe.
Tell me all those things that you never say.
Tell me everything, Master.
Say anything.
Say nothing at all.
Tell me all the things that I wanted to hear when I was with you, Master. Hell, tell me everything you would never want me to hear. Tell me how you wish I had died at Theed and Qui-Gon had lived.
Tell me these things.
It's better than the silence outside.
Did you ever see the sunset from Coruscant? Is it the same from Mustafar? From Tatooine? I'm sure it is...even if you refuse to admit it. You never were willing to step outside the boundaries the Jedi put out for you. You were afraid, hiding in the shadows, afraid of everything you were.
A coward.
A liar.
If there's one thing that I have over you, it's the fact that I am not afraid of myself.
You tried to make me afraid.
You'll be expelled from the Order.
Your thoughts are of jealousy and pride.
On Qui-Gon's request, you imprisoned me. You made my body a cage, my mind bars, my soul the only thing to keep me company in this...prison that you and the others set up for me.
Don't lie to me, Obi-Wan. For all the times you said you loved me, for all the times you said that you cared about me, all that really mattered to you was making sure that the cub never surpassed you in glory.
Egalitarian.
No one's better than everyone else.
It's in the damn code. No one's better than everyone else. Ambition is of the Dark Side. All these things I was fed as a Padawan seem to stream back to me in bursts of memory -- flashes. Pin pricks.
The sun's dying over Mustafar. And as it does, one part of me, that still naive part of me who would have given everything I was to make you happy, reaches out to you, trying to find you.
I love you, comes its silent cry.
You don't answer.
That's fine.
It was nothing more than a dream, Obi-Wan. The idea that you would love me -- that you would see me for who I really was and stand beside me. That I would sit beside you as your equal. For all the Order's talks of equality, they're nothing but liars.
Seats on the Jedi Council are not handed out like party favors...
The last remains of your memory die in the growing dusk of Mustafar like the ashes of that dead star dragon you planted inside me such a long time ago. For a moment, I hear your voice
strong and wise Anakin and I am very proud of you
but it blows away as well.
You lied to me, Obi-Wan.
You're going to kill me -- I've sensed it. You think I didn't sense that the little green toad was collaborating with you to kill me?
What will happen after you kill me?
Maybe I'll be brushed away from your memory like you have from mine -- another dirty little Jedi secret.
But I won't die today.
After all, there are visions of glory I must fulfill -- and promises that have to be kept.
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no subject
Date: 2011-04-19 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-19 04:11 pm (UTC)And yes, Anakin deserves all the hugs he can get. :( *Hugs him* ^__^
no subject
Date: 2011-04-19 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-19 07:52 pm (UTC)And very interesting thoughts, pronker. ^__^