More Role Reversal-Verse.
May. 21st, 2011 04:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianMostly a writing exercise I'm doing. :)
Title: Weep Not For Tomorrow
Summary: Caedus prepares to die.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Seriously.
Warnings: Angst, possible trigger warnings for suicide.
Rating: PG, just in case.
The deck shudders under my feet, but in the Force, it's nothing more than a slight tremor. Even in the General's Quarters -- which Alema's been kind enough to lend us, of sorts -- I can already sense the end is near. The end of everything -- everything I've suffered, everything done to me, and everything I've done. I've taken lives in the service of peace and justice and security, and I suspect already it's catching up with me.
Even now, I can still see the image of Luke Skywalker, the Knight I encountered on Geonosis. "You're going to pay for the Jedi you killed today, Caedus!"
"Pay?" Even now, the words sound bitter to my ears. "Do you believe that a callous act of murder will end this bloodbath before it begins? You're more foolish than I thought."
There's a pause. He's so still he seems to shake.
"No," he says, far too serene -- it's almost unsettling. "I only do what I must."
Even now, I wonder about him. He's such a small thing -- something he no doubt inherited from my mother's side -- and yet at the same time, he bears his own mother's fire. I still remember her. Tenel Ka. Though I still remember the days on Hapes with her and Allana with fondness, they seem so faint now. Even when I close my eyes, I can still see cities I once swore to protect lit on fire -- playing my part of the villain with such ease I almost began to enjoy it...
And yet Force knows I tried to save him. Cad Bane, the bounty hunter. The lair of the spider queen. Aurra Sing. Even after his own Padawan, Brakiss, was cut down on Kamino -- indirectly at my hands -- I tried to help him. And yet even then, he continues to slip away. I can still remember his words on Kamino, after Brakiss' funeral.
"There's still good in this galaxy...if you would only see."
Alema's voice cuts through the comm system. "If my Lord would like to see the progress of the Jedi -- "
"Yes, thank you, Alema," I say. "Show it to me."
"Very well, my Lord."
***
I continue to survey the holoprojections of both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker -- even thinking of the name sends unpleasant jolts through me, memories of times long gone. Happier times with...her -- slicing their way through combat droids. They have stout hearts, I will admit, but that won't be enough to save them. Or "save" the Chancellor -- the lady Lumiya, who sits with me this moment.
I've taken lives in her service -- and in the service of my greater love, the galaxy. I've seen the destruction this sadly necessary war has wrought -- what it did to knights like Valin and Jysella Horn, some of the Order's strongest knights -- besides Solo and Skywalker, of course. I've seen so many lives lost -- my sister Jaina and brother Ben -- and so many other lives destroyed. It's a burden no galaxy should have to bear -- but even then, I still have hope.
The visions I've had for the past days -- the masked warrior, standing on his flagship, keeping watch over the galaxy -- may be the key to unlocking the peace, justice and security I've been seeking. And yet, some place, somewhere, I worry it won't be enough.
"It will be." Lumiya's voice is soft.
I turn to look at her, almost in surprise -- before finally being able to articulate my thoughts.
"My lady," I say, "If I may trouble you with boldness..."
"Speak." Her voice is gentle.
I take a deep breath. "Do you believe that he...is the Sith'ari? The one we've been seeking all this time?"
There's silence.
"Even so, does it matter? Skywalker grows more powerful every day. With the correct training," Lumiya says, "We can harness that power." And even now, words aren't enough -- over our bond, I can see Skywalker becoming the masked vigilante, the watchman: a brilliant Dark star, shooting over the galaxy's horizon.
"But at what price?" Tahiri says. "Are you sure we can't choose another? Han, perhaps, or even Yoda?"
Lumiya snorts. "Yoda's perhaps the most unlikely candidate. He's so steeped in Jedi dogma he'd hardly listen to another point of view."
That much is true. I turn to look at Tahiri, who presses on despite herself. "Perhaps Skywalker is the one. But at what price? If he flies out of control -- "
"He won't," Lumiya says. "Not with the proper training." There's silence. "There is a price, yes, but much must be risked in war."
Silence.
And finally, I take in the full implications of what needs to happen in order for the galaxy to be saved. I look from Tahiri to Lumiya -- so impassive, yet somehow, she seems ready to crack -- and finally, I find the right words.
"You knew this would happen from the moment I sought you out," I say. "You knew eventually I'd have to die...so my son could live."
"Son?" Tahiri sounds so confused now. I almost want to reach out, comfort her -- except Lumiya's looking straight into my eyes, so piercing, so...suddenly sad that I can't look away. Even as the tears well up in my eyes
damn them, they burn like fire
I try not to look away.
"Yes," Lumiya says, but she sounds, so much, like she's pulling teeth. "I knew that. I foresaw it."
There's silence. Such a long silence.
"You knew I'd have to die," I continue, "So that we could build our Empire -- perfect the galaxy. Because if not -- " I pause. Somehow, I don't want to consider the idea. The galaxy in chaos -- the war consuming cities, the Republic growing bloated with corruption, the threat beyond the Unknown Regions coming to threaten us -- to consume us. Everyone I loved and still love, gone.
And my son -- becoming the monster I despised most --
I take a deep breath. Either way, we'll have to make him into the man that I was taught to loathe, back in the Jedi Order. A defender of the weak, a vigilante -- a creature of black-plated durasteel. I remember the sleepless nights forging the armor, rubbing away my fingerprints, leaving chunks in my knuckles to make sure the armor was the way I wanted it to be. Perhaps it won't quite fit my beloved son -- he is a small thing, after all -- but at the very least, I hope it will. Most of all, I hope that things will go the way we've planned them -- that my son will live long into the future to defend our new Empire -- speaking with our voices, carrying out our orders, seeing with our eyes and hearing with our ears. Even now, I remember hammering the little details into the armor -- all the things I saw in my dream. The military helmet, the cape -- the lone dark warrior, standing on the bridge of his personal flagship, keeping the watch long after I am gone.
Lumiya looks at me. "Caedus, you know that I've -- "
"My lady, please." I lower her hand; she seems so intent to comfort me that it almost terrifies. She is strong, my lady, but at the same time, so fragile. So much like Tahiri. So much like others I've known. And yet, somehow, unlike so many others that I've known. She's tried so hard to be guarded, but she's an open book to me.
"I know," I say. "And I know I would have followed you to the end. To hell and beyond." Silence. "Tahiri...look after the others. Especially Shevu. He will not understand."
Tahiri tries to smile. "I think he will, sir. He's tough. He'll survive."
The alarms we put in place begin to sound, and I know that Luke and Han have finally reached us. Lumiya seems startled at first, and then, gently, she smiles.
"Play your part well, apprentice. The future of the galaxy is at stake."
Tahiri and I assume our positions on the balcony. In the shadows, where no one else can hear, I turn to her. "Together?"
She nods. "Together."
Though this is the end of my so-called "reign of terror", we've saved the best for last.
Title: Weep Not For Tomorrow
Summary: Caedus prepares to die.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Seriously.
Warnings: Angst, possible trigger warnings for suicide.
Rating: PG, just in case.
The deck shudders under my feet, but in the Force, it's nothing more than a slight tremor. Even in the General's Quarters -- which Alema's been kind enough to lend us, of sorts -- I can already sense the end is near. The end of everything -- everything I've suffered, everything done to me, and everything I've done. I've taken lives in the service of peace and justice and security, and I suspect already it's catching up with me.
Even now, I can still see the image of Luke Skywalker, the Knight I encountered on Geonosis. "You're going to pay for the Jedi you killed today, Caedus!"
"Pay?" Even now, the words sound bitter to my ears. "Do you believe that a callous act of murder will end this bloodbath before it begins? You're more foolish than I thought."
There's a pause. He's so still he seems to shake.
"No," he says, far too serene -- it's almost unsettling. "I only do what I must."
Even now, I wonder about him. He's such a small thing -- something he no doubt inherited from my mother's side -- and yet at the same time, he bears his own mother's fire. I still remember her. Tenel Ka. Though I still remember the days on Hapes with her and Allana with fondness, they seem so faint now. Even when I close my eyes, I can still see cities I once swore to protect lit on fire -- playing my part of the villain with such ease I almost began to enjoy it...
And yet Force knows I tried to save him. Cad Bane, the bounty hunter. The lair of the spider queen. Aurra Sing. Even after his own Padawan, Brakiss, was cut down on Kamino -- indirectly at my hands -- I tried to help him. And yet even then, he continues to slip away. I can still remember his words on Kamino, after Brakiss' funeral.
"There's still good in this galaxy...if you would only see."
Alema's voice cuts through the comm system. "If my Lord would like to see the progress of the Jedi -- "
"Yes, thank you, Alema," I say. "Show it to me."
"Very well, my Lord."
***
I continue to survey the holoprojections of both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker -- even thinking of the name sends unpleasant jolts through me, memories of times long gone. Happier times with...her -- slicing their way through combat droids. They have stout hearts, I will admit, but that won't be enough to save them. Or "save" the Chancellor -- the lady Lumiya, who sits with me this moment.
I've taken lives in her service -- and in the service of my greater love, the galaxy. I've seen the destruction this sadly necessary war has wrought -- what it did to knights like Valin and Jysella Horn, some of the Order's strongest knights -- besides Solo and Skywalker, of course. I've seen so many lives lost -- my sister Jaina and brother Ben -- and so many other lives destroyed. It's a burden no galaxy should have to bear -- but even then, I still have hope.
The visions I've had for the past days -- the masked warrior, standing on his flagship, keeping watch over the galaxy -- may be the key to unlocking the peace, justice and security I've been seeking. And yet, some place, somewhere, I worry it won't be enough.
"It will be." Lumiya's voice is soft.
I turn to look at her, almost in surprise -- before finally being able to articulate my thoughts.
"My lady," I say, "If I may trouble you with boldness..."
"Speak." Her voice is gentle.
I take a deep breath. "Do you believe that he...is the Sith'ari? The one we've been seeking all this time?"
There's silence.
"Even so, does it matter? Skywalker grows more powerful every day. With the correct training," Lumiya says, "We can harness that power." And even now, words aren't enough -- over our bond, I can see Skywalker becoming the masked vigilante, the watchman: a brilliant Dark star, shooting over the galaxy's horizon.
"But at what price?" Tahiri says. "Are you sure we can't choose another? Han, perhaps, or even Yoda?"
Lumiya snorts. "Yoda's perhaps the most unlikely candidate. He's so steeped in Jedi dogma he'd hardly listen to another point of view."
That much is true. I turn to look at Tahiri, who presses on despite herself. "Perhaps Skywalker is the one. But at what price? If he flies out of control -- "
"He won't," Lumiya says. "Not with the proper training." There's silence. "There is a price, yes, but much must be risked in war."
Silence.
And finally, I take in the full implications of what needs to happen in order for the galaxy to be saved. I look from Tahiri to Lumiya -- so impassive, yet somehow, she seems ready to crack -- and finally, I find the right words.
"You knew this would happen from the moment I sought you out," I say. "You knew eventually I'd have to die...so my son could live."
"Son?" Tahiri sounds so confused now. I almost want to reach out, comfort her -- except Lumiya's looking straight into my eyes, so piercing, so...suddenly sad that I can't look away. Even as the tears well up in my eyes
damn them, they burn like fire
I try not to look away.
"Yes," Lumiya says, but she sounds, so much, like she's pulling teeth. "I knew that. I foresaw it."
There's silence. Such a long silence.
"You knew I'd have to die," I continue, "So that we could build our Empire -- perfect the galaxy. Because if not -- " I pause. Somehow, I don't want to consider the idea. The galaxy in chaos -- the war consuming cities, the Republic growing bloated with corruption, the threat beyond the Unknown Regions coming to threaten us -- to consume us. Everyone I loved and still love, gone.
And my son -- becoming the monster I despised most --
I take a deep breath. Either way, we'll have to make him into the man that I was taught to loathe, back in the Jedi Order. A defender of the weak, a vigilante -- a creature of black-plated durasteel. I remember the sleepless nights forging the armor, rubbing away my fingerprints, leaving chunks in my knuckles to make sure the armor was the way I wanted it to be. Perhaps it won't quite fit my beloved son -- he is a small thing, after all -- but at the very least, I hope it will. Most of all, I hope that things will go the way we've planned them -- that my son will live long into the future to defend our new Empire -- speaking with our voices, carrying out our orders, seeing with our eyes and hearing with our ears. Even now, I remember hammering the little details into the armor -- all the things I saw in my dream. The military helmet, the cape -- the lone dark warrior, standing on the bridge of his personal flagship, keeping the watch long after I am gone.
Lumiya looks at me. "Caedus, you know that I've -- "
"My lady, please." I lower her hand; she seems so intent to comfort me that it almost terrifies. She is strong, my lady, but at the same time, so fragile. So much like Tahiri. So much like others I've known. And yet, somehow, unlike so many others that I've known. She's tried so hard to be guarded, but she's an open book to me.
"I know," I say. "And I know I would have followed you to the end. To hell and beyond." Silence. "Tahiri...look after the others. Especially Shevu. He will not understand."
Tahiri tries to smile. "I think he will, sir. He's tough. He'll survive."
The alarms we put in place begin to sound, and I know that Luke and Han have finally reached us. Lumiya seems startled at first, and then, gently, she smiles.
"Play your part well, apprentice. The future of the galaxy is at stake."
Tahiri and I assume our positions on the balcony. In the shadows, where no one else can hear, I turn to her. "Together?"
She nods. "Together."
Though this is the end of my so-called "reign of terror", we've saved the best for last.
