For allbingo
Dec. 29th, 2021 08:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Questions Asked
Summary: Ben wants answers about Vader.
Prompt: Free Space — Fog/Mist/Miasma
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It should have been easy before. Ben knew that much. Vader was an evil monster, Vader’s death (along with Palpatine’s) was a good thing.
Now, it seemed, things had gotten even more complicated knowing that Vader was his grandfather. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. After all, grandfathers — as far as Ben knew, Bail Organa was supposed to be his grandfather. It was supposed to be that way. Bail and Breha, the people who had raised Leia.
Ben didn’t know what to think with Vader’s shadow hanging over the picture.
***
It was despite better judgment that he sought out Artoo. “Hey, Artoo,” he said softly to the astromech, “Did you…know Vader before?”
Artoo began beeping reproachfully. Some things were better left buried, that was the gist of what he was saying.
"Artoo, I know.” Ben sighed in frustration. “But I can’t just…not know. It’s something I need to…” He trailed off. What exactly was he trying to accomplish here? Right here, right now?
Viewing any of this was going to cause him pain. At least it was a pain that he’d earned.
***
The Mustafar recording — it was strange seeing his grandfather without the armor. As Anakin Skywalker, someone Ben had looked up to — no, not Anakin, Ben corrected. Anakin had good as been sacrificed for…some reason. What could have motivated Anakin Skywalker, The Hero With No Fear, to betray the Jedi? None of it made any sense.
It was strange, too, seeing Anakin behaving so tenderly with Padme — and it took guts, on his grandmother’s part, to go out to Mustafar heavily pregnant just to see if she could save the one she loved. People probably didn’t see or care about that sort of strength. The small things, like trying to talk your loved one down.
Ben thought, impulsively, of Poe, and how he had thought about going to Kijimi to get him when the news first broke that he’d run away. He had only been thirteen then, a child, but it didn’t assuage the feeling he had like he could have done so much more.
The argument didn’t take long to build, in the hologram. Ben wanted to look away, turn it off — he didn’t know what exactly led him to keep watching, as his grandfather kept talking about not wanting Padme to die the way Anakin’s mother had.
It was something that sent a visceral stabbing of disgust through Ben. And yet he knew what it was like. Practicing resurrecting animals, after Shara’s death (Shara Bey wasn’t supposed to die today). The shame, afterwards, like Mom and Dad were mad at him just for wanting to help those animals, to make them alive again.
He and Anakin were nothing alike — and yet they were similar in certain ways, the ways that mattered. Ben couldn’t imagine hurting Poe the way that Anakin had hurt Padme (dear Force, why?) but he could identify too well with the idea of wanting to save someone, being afraid.
How disturbing it really was to have some similarities there.
And Obi-Wan…how could he? It wasn’t like Anakin was off the hook for Force choking Padme (how could the iconic way Vader punished those who failed him have first been used on his own wife, his soulmate?), but in his own way, Obi-Wan had betrayed Padme: had hid aboard her ship without her knowledge, had all but used her because the bastard couldn’t be bothered to get his own ship, what was wrong with him?
Padme Amidala was innocent. Completely innocent. She had done nothing wrong, except thinking her husband could be saved from himself. And Anakin…he had self-sabotaged, trying to save his wife only to condemn her to death instead.
“Turn it off, Artoo," Ben said. “I think I got what I came for.”
***
Artoo tried to clarify more things. Of course he did. Stuff like Padme’s death ultimately being more psychosomatic than anything else (a broken heart, like somehow a broken neck wasn’t enough to kill her), stuff like Obi-Wan actually leaving Anakin to burn to death (all while, in Ben’s eyes, making excuses for Obi-Wan doing so).
“I’m sorry,” Ben said. “I just…I can’t do this, Artoo. The only one who even remotely comes out looking like a good person is my grandmother. At least she tried. At least she wanted to help. She believed in and loved my grandfather even when he was being an idiot, and not the fun idiot either…"
He was already trembling. Shaking. He doubted he had ever been so close to the answers yet more lost than ever.
“Thank you, Artoo,” he said, softly. "I didn’t like seeing that but…thank you for trying to help, at least.” It wasn’t the astromech’s fault, after all. He’d tried.
Ben just wished he didn’t feel so lost.
Summary: Ben wants answers about Vader.
Prompt: Free Space — Fog/Mist/Miasma
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It should have been easy before. Ben knew that much. Vader was an evil monster, Vader’s death (along with Palpatine’s) was a good thing.
Now, it seemed, things had gotten even more complicated knowing that Vader was his grandfather. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. After all, grandfathers — as far as Ben knew, Bail Organa was supposed to be his grandfather. It was supposed to be that way. Bail and Breha, the people who had raised Leia.
Ben didn’t know what to think with Vader’s shadow hanging over the picture.
***
It was despite better judgment that he sought out Artoo. “Hey, Artoo,” he said softly to the astromech, “Did you…know Vader before?”
Artoo began beeping reproachfully. Some things were better left buried, that was the gist of what he was saying.
"Artoo, I know.” Ben sighed in frustration. “But I can’t just…not know. It’s something I need to…” He trailed off. What exactly was he trying to accomplish here? Right here, right now?
Viewing any of this was going to cause him pain. At least it was a pain that he’d earned.
***
The Mustafar recording — it was strange seeing his grandfather without the armor. As Anakin Skywalker, someone Ben had looked up to — no, not Anakin, Ben corrected. Anakin had good as been sacrificed for…some reason. What could have motivated Anakin Skywalker, The Hero With No Fear, to betray the Jedi? None of it made any sense.
It was strange, too, seeing Anakin behaving so tenderly with Padme — and it took guts, on his grandmother’s part, to go out to Mustafar heavily pregnant just to see if she could save the one she loved. People probably didn’t see or care about that sort of strength. The small things, like trying to talk your loved one down.
Ben thought, impulsively, of Poe, and how he had thought about going to Kijimi to get him when the news first broke that he’d run away. He had only been thirteen then, a child, but it didn’t assuage the feeling he had like he could have done so much more.
The argument didn’t take long to build, in the hologram. Ben wanted to look away, turn it off — he didn’t know what exactly led him to keep watching, as his grandfather kept talking about not wanting Padme to die the way Anakin’s mother had.
It was something that sent a visceral stabbing of disgust through Ben. And yet he knew what it was like. Practicing resurrecting animals, after Shara’s death (Shara Bey wasn’t supposed to die today). The shame, afterwards, like Mom and Dad were mad at him just for wanting to help those animals, to make them alive again.
He and Anakin were nothing alike — and yet they were similar in certain ways, the ways that mattered. Ben couldn’t imagine hurting Poe the way that Anakin had hurt Padme (dear Force, why?) but he could identify too well with the idea of wanting to save someone, being afraid.
How disturbing it really was to have some similarities there.
And Obi-Wan…how could he? It wasn’t like Anakin was off the hook for Force choking Padme (how could the iconic way Vader punished those who failed him have first been used on his own wife, his soulmate?), but in his own way, Obi-Wan had betrayed Padme: had hid aboard her ship without her knowledge, had all but used her because the bastard couldn’t be bothered to get his own ship, what was wrong with him?
Padme Amidala was innocent. Completely innocent. She had done nothing wrong, except thinking her husband could be saved from himself. And Anakin…he had self-sabotaged, trying to save his wife only to condemn her to death instead.
“Turn it off, Artoo," Ben said. “I think I got what I came for.”
***
Artoo tried to clarify more things. Of course he did. Stuff like Padme’s death ultimately being more psychosomatic than anything else (a broken heart, like somehow a broken neck wasn’t enough to kill her), stuff like Obi-Wan actually leaving Anakin to burn to death (all while, in Ben’s eyes, making excuses for Obi-Wan doing so).
“I’m sorry,” Ben said. “I just…I can’t do this, Artoo. The only one who even remotely comes out looking like a good person is my grandmother. At least she tried. At least she wanted to help. She believed in and loved my grandfather even when he was being an idiot, and not the fun idiot either…"
He was already trembling. Shaking. He doubted he had ever been so close to the answers yet more lost than ever.
“Thank you, Artoo,” he said, softly. "I didn’t like seeing that but…thank you for trying to help, at least.” It wasn’t the astromech’s fault, after all. He’d tried.
Ben just wished he didn’t feel so lost.
