For allbingo
Dec. 24th, 2021 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Love As A Savior
Summary: Going off to the Mandalorian Wars is not the only choice Ben had to make.
Prompt: Historical AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The day that Ben Solo left the Jedi Order with the rest of the Revanchists, he wouldn’t deny that he was nervous. Especially given what he was about to do, going off to war like that. Defying the Council, disobeying the Council. Master Skywalker had been furious, of course — there had been one terrifying moment where Ben had thought that Master Skywalker was going to draw a lightsaber on Ben, even if he ultimately hadn’t.
It still felt like a betrayal, nonetheless, even if it was a split second of instinct. Even if. There was something about the ship that Republic soldiers and Jedi alike had taken in order to get to the rendezvous point where they would begin their war with the Mandalorians. Something about the ship where Ben was grateful for the seclusion, where he could hide in the back while Revan, Malak and Arawn Sinn had their little conspiratorial moment.
He had always been jealous of them to an extent. They were a reminder that he hadn’t done anything extraordinary with his life, which only made it rankle even more.
At least Poe understood. And Tai. Though Tai was back with the Jedi Order, having failed to dissuade Ben from his path.
Ben wanted to help. And maybe a bit of wanting to prove he could do something right, maybe a bit.
“You okay?” Poe said.
Ben nodded. “Just…everything’s going to change now, isn’t it?”
“It will,” Poe said, “But we’ll be there to meet it nonetheless. I know it, Ben. Trust me.” Then, “Master Skywalker shouldn’t have nearly drawn a lightsaber on you.”
“No,” Ben said. He sighed. “I mean, he resisted at the last minute, but it still terrified me. Is it weird that it terrified me?”
Poe shook his head. “I’d say it’s a perfectly reasonable response. He shouldn’t have done that,” Poe continued. “You…you didn’t deserve that, Ben. No one does, but…”
Poe trailed off, but one of the things that just was about Ben’s ability to read and sense thoughts (something that disgraced Jedi Master Snoke only encouraged him to use all the more) was the simple fact that he couldn’t turn it off, no matter how he wanted to.
Dear Force, he wished he could.
"Poe, you know we can’t.” Ben said. I can’t. Even though Ben wanted to, even though there was no one else he’d rather be with, there was the simple fact that fear was holding him back. The story of Anakin Skywalker, who had helped cause the previous iteration of the Order’s downfall thanks to his love for Republic Senator Padme Amidala — it was a tale woven into the Jedi Order’s history to “prove" why falling in love was bad and attachments forbidden. Even Luke Skywalker, to a degree, had internalized it.
He didn’t miss the look of pain, of guilt, on Poe’s face. “Ben, I’m sorry — ”
“It’s not your fault,” Ben said. “I suppose I am afraid.”
“Of breaking the Code? Because you did that already.”
Ben shook his head. “Of myself.”
Poe took Ben’s hand, gently. “Love doesn’t lead to the Dark Side. Passion, obsession, abuse — those are more…perversions of love, but love itself isn’t bad. I’m not pressuring you; I hope I’m not. I just hope…I want you to know you’re so much better than you think you are.”
Ben definitely didn’t deserve someone as understanding as Poe. He simply didn’t.
“I think you are too, Poe. I think so, so much."
Their hands entwined. They’d have more time to figure this out, sooner or later. Ben was just grateful to Poe for being in his life, even as they were going off to their doom.
Summary: Going off to the Mandalorian Wars is not the only choice Ben had to make.
Prompt: Historical AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The day that Ben Solo left the Jedi Order with the rest of the Revanchists, he wouldn’t deny that he was nervous. Especially given what he was about to do, going off to war like that. Defying the Council, disobeying the Council. Master Skywalker had been furious, of course — there had been one terrifying moment where Ben had thought that Master Skywalker was going to draw a lightsaber on Ben, even if he ultimately hadn’t.
It still felt like a betrayal, nonetheless, even if it was a split second of instinct. Even if. There was something about the ship that Republic soldiers and Jedi alike had taken in order to get to the rendezvous point where they would begin their war with the Mandalorians. Something about the ship where Ben was grateful for the seclusion, where he could hide in the back while Revan, Malak and Arawn Sinn had their little conspiratorial moment.
He had always been jealous of them to an extent. They were a reminder that he hadn’t done anything extraordinary with his life, which only made it rankle even more.
At least Poe understood. And Tai. Though Tai was back with the Jedi Order, having failed to dissuade Ben from his path.
Ben wanted to help. And maybe a bit of wanting to prove he could do something right, maybe a bit.
“You okay?” Poe said.
Ben nodded. “Just…everything’s going to change now, isn’t it?”
“It will,” Poe said, “But we’ll be there to meet it nonetheless. I know it, Ben. Trust me.” Then, “Master Skywalker shouldn’t have nearly drawn a lightsaber on you.”
“No,” Ben said. He sighed. “I mean, he resisted at the last minute, but it still terrified me. Is it weird that it terrified me?”
Poe shook his head. “I’d say it’s a perfectly reasonable response. He shouldn’t have done that,” Poe continued. “You…you didn’t deserve that, Ben. No one does, but…”
Poe trailed off, but one of the things that just was about Ben’s ability to read and sense thoughts (something that disgraced Jedi Master Snoke only encouraged him to use all the more) was the simple fact that he couldn’t turn it off, no matter how he wanted to.
Dear Force, he wished he could.
"Poe, you know we can’t.” Ben said. I can’t. Even though Ben wanted to, even though there was no one else he’d rather be with, there was the simple fact that fear was holding him back. The story of Anakin Skywalker, who had helped cause the previous iteration of the Order’s downfall thanks to his love for Republic Senator Padme Amidala — it was a tale woven into the Jedi Order’s history to “prove" why falling in love was bad and attachments forbidden. Even Luke Skywalker, to a degree, had internalized it.
He didn’t miss the look of pain, of guilt, on Poe’s face. “Ben, I’m sorry — ”
“It’s not your fault,” Ben said. “I suppose I am afraid.”
“Of breaking the Code? Because you did that already.”
Ben shook his head. “Of myself.”
Poe took Ben’s hand, gently. “Love doesn’t lead to the Dark Side. Passion, obsession, abuse — those are more…perversions of love, but love itself isn’t bad. I’m not pressuring you; I hope I’m not. I just hope…I want you to know you’re so much better than you think you are.”
Ben definitely didn’t deserve someone as understanding as Poe. He simply didn’t.
“I think you are too, Poe. I think so, so much."
Their hands entwined. They’d have more time to figure this out, sooner or later. Ben was just grateful to Poe for being in his life, even as they were going off to their doom.
