For allbingo
Dec. 20th, 2021 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Logical Weakness
Summary: In which Vulcan instructor Ben Solo hates Starfleet Cadet Poe Dameron until he doesn’t.
Prompt: Fandom Fusion
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Yes, I’m combining Star Wars and Star Trek for…reasons.
Ben’s already feeling the student who cheated on the Kobayashi Maru exam about to, in human terms, get under his skin.
Saying that Poe Dameron is frustrating at bare minimum is one way of putting it. Ben knows that much. After all, Ben is trying to be as logical as he possibly can in designing the Kobayashi Maru. It's something that Ben is trying to teach to the new Starfleet cadets — sometimes there are no-win scenarios, and you have to cope with them as best you can.
His father would tell him that Great Uncle Snoke was rubbing off on him too much. Ben supposes that much is true. Ben sighs. Sometimes he envies the Vulcans who were able to control their emotions, who were able to be masters of composure.
(He thinks back to his cousin Ren, and how Ren had gotten fed up with it. The fact Ren’s mother was a Vulcan princess who had disagreed with the Vulcans’ ideas of emotional repression definitely hadn’t helped at all)
It doesn’t help that Poe Dameron is the first one in a while to really, truly get under Ben’s skin. (That’s the human expression for it. Ben wonders if there’s an equivalent in Vulcan) Ben’s…frustrated. Angry is too strong a word for it.
Ben inhales. He has to think. Be logical. Right now, he’s going to have to keep going.
***
Poe finds him later.
“I did not expect you to come back,” Ben says.
“I wanted to…apologize. I obviously struck some sort of nerve with you, and…whatever that was, I didn’t mean that.”
“Fascinating,” Ben says. “You are a very…inconsistent human, Poe Dameron. You insult my methods to my face, and yet you apologize.”
“I do know I cheated.” Poe says. “I just know that…well, my roommate suggested I have a ‘saving people thing’.”
“Ah yes, a reference to an author with outdated at best views about other genders.”
“Yeah, I know,” Poe says. “Still fits me.” Then, “People say you’re not bad when they get to know you.”
“They are mistaken.” Then, “For what it is worth, I appreciate your apology, cadet. Apologies are…quite difficult for humans.”
“I’d say that’s a trait that spans species.” Poe sits down, comfortably.
Despite better judgment, Ben sits down with him. He notices that it brings him on a common level with Poe. An odd feeling. Then again, even during the trial…
For all others described him as a “hard-ass” (the whispers only reminding Ben of ostracization and bullying he faced for not only his half-human heritage, but the fact that his grandfather, Anakin, had broken Vulcan law to try and find Sha-Ka-Ree after his wife’s untimely death in childbirth. “The Mad Vulcan”, Anakin had been called), Ben has never been one to dislike a worthy opponent. Poe did impress him.
“You…were brave,” Ben said. "I would even say you said some things that were mildly amusing.”
“Oh, really?” Poe actually looks surprised. “I thought I went too far…”
“No, you did not. Poe…you probably heard the whispers about my grandfather The Mad Vulcan. Believe me, your jokes were harmless in comparison.”
“They shouldn’t treat you like that, you know,” Poe says. “You’re nothing like him. Anyone who’d say it’s your fault…well, they’re being illogical."
It seems to be that moment where Ben feels something warm in his heart, which he can only assume is close to love.
***
Poe ultimately gets suspended for a week. Ben wonders if he sees it as informal vacation time.
He finds himself…drawn towards Poe despite better judgment. Poe is loud, and happy, and charismatic, and overwhelmingly friendly towards almost everyone — you could count the people he doesn’t give the time of day to on one hand, and one hand exactly. Ben can’t imagine who would think ill of him. Someone who…well, Ben can imagine flowers sprouting up under Poe’s feet when he walks, like in the human legend of Hades and Persephone.
“Hades wasn’t a monster,” Han once said to his son. “He seemed like that because he was dark and ominous and scary, but he really wasn’t. He was the god of the dead, but probably the nicest of the Pantheon considering the lot of them were jerks. And he loved his wife. It was, still is, like me and your mother. In that moment, there’s nothing but brilliance.”
Han and Leia were not just husband and wife, but thy’la. Still are, Ben thinks. Poe…well, Ben thinks wryly, you can’t be thy’la with someone you just met. It’s illogical.
But Poe…he continues winning Ben over. Ben is almost afraid of himself, of his feelings. The Mad Vulcan loved his Vulcan princess wife so much that he thought Sha’karee could bring her back. The shadow of Anakin has hung over Ben his whole life, that possibility of losing control. He fears he may lose it with every joke from Poe, every smile and kind word, every fact Ben memorizes as fiercely as he would a text.
Poe is healing scars Ben didn’t know he had. He gives back. Reassures, protects, shields.
***
They have to head to Vulcan when they get a distress call. Ben already fears the worst.
Poe, of course, comforts him. "We’ll get everyone out. I know you can do it. I know we all can.”
“It is like you. Your optimism. People who think less of you are utter fools.”
Poe…it strikes Ben that they’re close enough for their lips to touch. Ben is already afraid of drowning, but he wants to drown, if…
“Thank you.” Poe says. Then, “I better go. Snap will kill me. Uh, he’s my roommate; he’s studying to be a doctor."
“I severely doubt he’ll murder you,” Ben says.
Poe laughs. It’s happy laughter, and Ben finds himself drawn in more and more. If Poe wanted Ben to be, Ben would be his forever.
“No, really; I better go.” Poe smiles at him as he speaks. “See you on the ship.”
***
The closest he gets to losing control is after Vulcan is destroyed. A Romulan named Maul, seeking vengeance for his whole planet being destroyed in a supernova (in a different timeline at that, Ben later learns) and among the panic…
Poe was on the drill. Poe…Poe is here. Han is dead, Vulcan is dead. Ben finds that holding onto logic is difficult, and he feels…
He can all but feel his grandfather’s shadow looming over him. He remembers how his grandfather described his worse emotions like a dragon living in his insides, talking about how all things die in the end. Now…now Ben can feel that dragon hissing and coiling and roaring, eager to make Maul pay for destroying Vulcan and capturing (and likely torturing) Ben’s mother.
Poe finds him. "Are you okay?”
“ ‘Okay’ implies none of this happened. That I am not a member of an endangered species.”
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
“I don’t know what this…has done to me.”
***
He tells Poe. Tells Poe, in ways that make sense to him, that he loves him. “I love you more than I thought I could love anyone," he finally says. “The fact you could have died…”
“It’s okay.” Poe hugs him — he feels short, small, but so strong. Ben only loves him more. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you too, Ben. So much.”
They cling to each other. They’ll have to recover, find a way to stop Maul, but for now, they can at least hold each other.
Summary: In which Vulcan instructor Ben Solo hates Starfleet Cadet Poe Dameron until he doesn’t.
Prompt: Fandom Fusion
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Yes, I’m combining Star Wars and Star Trek for…reasons.
Ben’s already feeling the student who cheated on the Kobayashi Maru exam about to, in human terms, get under his skin.
Saying that Poe Dameron is frustrating at bare minimum is one way of putting it. Ben knows that much. After all, Ben is trying to be as logical as he possibly can in designing the Kobayashi Maru. It's something that Ben is trying to teach to the new Starfleet cadets — sometimes there are no-win scenarios, and you have to cope with them as best you can.
His father would tell him that Great Uncle Snoke was rubbing off on him too much. Ben supposes that much is true. Ben sighs. Sometimes he envies the Vulcans who were able to control their emotions, who were able to be masters of composure.
(He thinks back to his cousin Ren, and how Ren had gotten fed up with it. The fact Ren’s mother was a Vulcan princess who had disagreed with the Vulcans’ ideas of emotional repression definitely hadn’t helped at all)
It doesn’t help that Poe Dameron is the first one in a while to really, truly get under Ben’s skin. (That’s the human expression for it. Ben wonders if there’s an equivalent in Vulcan) Ben’s…frustrated. Angry is too strong a word for it.
Ben inhales. He has to think. Be logical. Right now, he’s going to have to keep going.
***
Poe finds him later.
“I did not expect you to come back,” Ben says.
“I wanted to…apologize. I obviously struck some sort of nerve with you, and…whatever that was, I didn’t mean that.”
“Fascinating,” Ben says. “You are a very…inconsistent human, Poe Dameron. You insult my methods to my face, and yet you apologize.”
“I do know I cheated.” Poe says. “I just know that…well, my roommate suggested I have a ‘saving people thing’.”
“Ah yes, a reference to an author with outdated at best views about other genders.”
“Yeah, I know,” Poe says. “Still fits me.” Then, “People say you’re not bad when they get to know you.”
“They are mistaken.” Then, “For what it is worth, I appreciate your apology, cadet. Apologies are…quite difficult for humans.”
“I’d say that’s a trait that spans species.” Poe sits down, comfortably.
Despite better judgment, Ben sits down with him. He notices that it brings him on a common level with Poe. An odd feeling. Then again, even during the trial…
For all others described him as a “hard-ass” (the whispers only reminding Ben of ostracization and bullying he faced for not only his half-human heritage, but the fact that his grandfather, Anakin, had broken Vulcan law to try and find Sha-Ka-Ree after his wife’s untimely death in childbirth. “The Mad Vulcan”, Anakin had been called), Ben has never been one to dislike a worthy opponent. Poe did impress him.
“You…were brave,” Ben said. "I would even say you said some things that were mildly amusing.”
“Oh, really?” Poe actually looks surprised. “I thought I went too far…”
“No, you did not. Poe…you probably heard the whispers about my grandfather The Mad Vulcan. Believe me, your jokes were harmless in comparison.”
“They shouldn’t treat you like that, you know,” Poe says. “You’re nothing like him. Anyone who’d say it’s your fault…well, they’re being illogical."
It seems to be that moment where Ben feels something warm in his heart, which he can only assume is close to love.
***
Poe ultimately gets suspended for a week. Ben wonders if he sees it as informal vacation time.
He finds himself…drawn towards Poe despite better judgment. Poe is loud, and happy, and charismatic, and overwhelmingly friendly towards almost everyone — you could count the people he doesn’t give the time of day to on one hand, and one hand exactly. Ben can’t imagine who would think ill of him. Someone who…well, Ben can imagine flowers sprouting up under Poe’s feet when he walks, like in the human legend of Hades and Persephone.
“Hades wasn’t a monster,” Han once said to his son. “He seemed like that because he was dark and ominous and scary, but he really wasn’t. He was the god of the dead, but probably the nicest of the Pantheon considering the lot of them were jerks. And he loved his wife. It was, still is, like me and your mother. In that moment, there’s nothing but brilliance.”
Han and Leia were not just husband and wife, but thy’la. Still are, Ben thinks. Poe…well, Ben thinks wryly, you can’t be thy’la with someone you just met. It’s illogical.
But Poe…he continues winning Ben over. Ben is almost afraid of himself, of his feelings. The Mad Vulcan loved his Vulcan princess wife so much that he thought Sha’karee could bring her back. The shadow of Anakin has hung over Ben his whole life, that possibility of losing control. He fears he may lose it with every joke from Poe, every smile and kind word, every fact Ben memorizes as fiercely as he would a text.
Poe is healing scars Ben didn’t know he had. He gives back. Reassures, protects, shields.
***
They have to head to Vulcan when they get a distress call. Ben already fears the worst.
Poe, of course, comforts him. "We’ll get everyone out. I know you can do it. I know we all can.”
“It is like you. Your optimism. People who think less of you are utter fools.”
Poe…it strikes Ben that they’re close enough for their lips to touch. Ben is already afraid of drowning, but he wants to drown, if…
“Thank you.” Poe says. Then, “I better go. Snap will kill me. Uh, he’s my roommate; he’s studying to be a doctor."
“I severely doubt he’ll murder you,” Ben says.
Poe laughs. It’s happy laughter, and Ben finds himself drawn in more and more. If Poe wanted Ben to be, Ben would be his forever.
“No, really; I better go.” Poe smiles at him as he speaks. “See you on the ship.”
***
The closest he gets to losing control is after Vulcan is destroyed. A Romulan named Maul, seeking vengeance for his whole planet being destroyed in a supernova (in a different timeline at that, Ben later learns) and among the panic…
Poe was on the drill. Poe…Poe is here. Han is dead, Vulcan is dead. Ben finds that holding onto logic is difficult, and he feels…
He can all but feel his grandfather’s shadow looming over him. He remembers how his grandfather described his worse emotions like a dragon living in his insides, talking about how all things die in the end. Now…now Ben can feel that dragon hissing and coiling and roaring, eager to make Maul pay for destroying Vulcan and capturing (and likely torturing) Ben’s mother.
Poe finds him. "Are you okay?”
“ ‘Okay’ implies none of this happened. That I am not a member of an endangered species.”
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
“I don’t know what this…has done to me.”
***
He tells Poe. Tells Poe, in ways that make sense to him, that he loves him. “I love you more than I thought I could love anyone," he finally says. “The fact you could have died…”
“It’s okay.” Poe hugs him — he feels short, small, but so strong. Ben only loves him more. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you too, Ben. So much.”
They cling to each other. They’ll have to recover, find a way to stop Maul, but for now, they can at least hold each other.
