For allbingo
Mar. 15th, 2021 01:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Torture Buddies
Summary: A joke can hide so much pain behind it.
Prompt: Abduction and Kidnapping
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Torture buddies. That was what Poe had joked about with Rey, an awkward attempt at not only bonding, but joking about that horrible thing that had happened to him. (Shadows. Shadows and blood and outstretching hands, falters in the torture like his captor was fighting it — unless Poe was hallucinating? — before the information was all but yanked out of Poe)
(His captor, giving him at least a moment of mercy, a moment of rest. Maybe that was the only moment where Ben was merciful towards his old friend)
Torture buddies. That summed it up, pain on the rack and the pain of old memories being yanked to the surface.
It was long when he was alone that Poe felt the pain crash down on him again.
He ought to throw everything of Ben’s out. Ought to crush his calligraphy set into pieces. Ought to throw his scarves out the airlock. Throw out everything that reminded him of Ben Solo...
He couldn’t, though. Even as he prepared to drop the calligraphy set and start smashing it, he remembered.
— Ben’s hand, tracing out a drawing of Poe, sketching out curls, sketching out a face that was recognizably Poe’s —
— Ben, chattering to him about Shara being one with the Force now —
It would be easy to say that it would have been better if they had never met. If they had never known each other. It would be easy to say that Poe would have been exempt of pain. Completely exempt. He would have been happy. Maybe there would have been none of that pain, maybe it would have been easier to hate Kylo Ren, to be separated from him.
But not knowing Ben...
What would he have without Ben? Someone who had believed in him when he’d come back from the Spice Runners, someone who had believed in him no matter what. A childhood friend. Everything.
"I can’t do it,” Poe finally said. “I just can’t. It hurts too much.”
He, gently, placed the calligraphy set down. Gently, with the utmost tenderness. He pulled the covers over himself, taking comfort in the texture that covered him. He was safe. Safe on the Falcon, where he belonged.
He should hate Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren had planted the seeds of at least pain in his heart, anger that burned like a sun. But Ben...
It only made it unbelievable that Ben would do this. There was still something so very wrong with it...
To not meet him would have at least avoided pain. Made it easier to hate. But to not know him was also agony. It would have been a different kind of agony, an agony where Poe would have been sad without knowing why. Empty as the skies above, without knowing the cause.
Maybe it would have been better if Ben had never known that voice inside his mind. If Poe had been able to save him...
Maybe. That, at least, was a compromise he could live with.
He could build a sort of healing on that compromise.
Poe curled up in bed, only vaguely aware of BB-8 rolling in by him. To never know Kylo Ren was a blessing, but to never know Ben Solo was a “maybe” he could never take.
Summary: A joke can hide so much pain behind it.
Prompt: Abduction and Kidnapping
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Torture buddies. That was what Poe had joked about with Rey, an awkward attempt at not only bonding, but joking about that horrible thing that had happened to him. (Shadows. Shadows and blood and outstretching hands, falters in the torture like his captor was fighting it — unless Poe was hallucinating? — before the information was all but yanked out of Poe)
(His captor, giving him at least a moment of mercy, a moment of rest. Maybe that was the only moment where Ben was merciful towards his old friend)
Torture buddies. That summed it up, pain on the rack and the pain of old memories being yanked to the surface.
It was long when he was alone that Poe felt the pain crash down on him again.
He ought to throw everything of Ben’s out. Ought to crush his calligraphy set into pieces. Ought to throw his scarves out the airlock. Throw out everything that reminded him of Ben Solo...
He couldn’t, though. Even as he prepared to drop the calligraphy set and start smashing it, he remembered.
— Ben’s hand, tracing out a drawing of Poe, sketching out curls, sketching out a face that was recognizably Poe’s —
— Ben, chattering to him about Shara being one with the Force now —
It would be easy to say that it would have been better if they had never met. If they had never known each other. It would be easy to say that Poe would have been exempt of pain. Completely exempt. He would have been happy. Maybe there would have been none of that pain, maybe it would have been easier to hate Kylo Ren, to be separated from him.
But not knowing Ben...
What would he have without Ben? Someone who had believed in him when he’d come back from the Spice Runners, someone who had believed in him no matter what. A childhood friend. Everything.
"I can’t do it,” Poe finally said. “I just can’t. It hurts too much.”
He, gently, placed the calligraphy set down. Gently, with the utmost tenderness. He pulled the covers over himself, taking comfort in the texture that covered him. He was safe. Safe on the Falcon, where he belonged.
He should hate Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren had planted the seeds of at least pain in his heart, anger that burned like a sun. But Ben...
It only made it unbelievable that Ben would do this. There was still something so very wrong with it...
To not meet him would have at least avoided pain. Made it easier to hate. But to not know him was also agony. It would have been a different kind of agony, an agony where Poe would have been sad without knowing why. Empty as the skies above, without knowing the cause.
Maybe it would have been better if Ben had never known that voice inside his mind. If Poe had been able to save him...
Maybe. That, at least, was a compromise he could live with.
He could build a sort of healing on that compromise.
Poe curled up in bed, only vaguely aware of BB-8 rolling in by him. To never know Kylo Ren was a blessing, but to never know Ben Solo was a “maybe” he could never take.
