For allbingo
Feb. 26th, 2021 10:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: The Good Left Undone
Summary: Ben says a goodbye before heading to Elphrona.
Prompt: Vines
Author’s Notes: Title from the Rise Against song of the same name. Also, note that Ben’s supposed to be an unreliable narrator here. His perceptions of his family are not true; he’s just being gaslit by Snoke.
It was before heading out to Elphrona — Elphrona was a foolish idea, but honestly, Ben thought, it was one of those aspects where a helmet being left behind was a clue. He didn’t know why Ren would leave his helmet behind. It seemed inexplicable — that Ben turned to Snoke. “There’s someone I still need to talk to.”
There was something unpleasant about Snoke’s gaze, almost like he was scraping around inside Ben’s head. Then, “It’s Dameron, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Ben said. “I didn’t get in contact with him and I’m just worried about what he thinks right now...”
Snoke snorted. “You don’t need him...Ben.”
Ben’s brow furrowed. “Did you even hear a word I just said?”
Snoke continued. “I did. Your mother inexplicably favors him over you. You’ve seen it, haven’t you?” Before joining Rapier Squadron, Poe had worked as a political intern, jotting down notes for Leia. “And you’ve seen how he absorbs it. Stealing a mother figure that wasn’t his own...”
Ben blinked. It was something he doubted he could wrap his head around. “Poe isn’t like that at all.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were blinded by love for him.”
The way Snoke said it...it was enough for Ben to at least want to hang his head, even though he didn’t do it outright.
“I love him,” Ben said. “I mean, he’s beautiful — ”
“That’s all you see in him?” Snoke said disdainfully. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, young Solo.”
“ — but he’s also kind,” Ben said. “He’s kind. Witty. Dedicated to fighting injustice. And I can’t take him with me, obviously, because he’s too Light and good. I can’t break him."
Snoke snorted. “He isn’t worth bringing along. He would only drag you down, keep you caged where the Knights of Ren would let you fly...”
Ben swallowed. It was hard to accept. More than hard. But he couldn’t bring Poe with him. He tried to picture Poe becoming like him in a way that seemed so very un-Poe-like...
He couldn’t break someone so beautiful.
"I suppose you’re right,” he lied.
It wouldn’t be the last time he lied to Snoke. Ben knew that much.
***
The vines seemed to be almost a challenge to wade through, winding up to his waist. Even finding a good place to stand and transmit, Ben could feel the Dark Side radiating from the planet. He wondered if it was just one of those Dark Side hotspots, like Malachor or Moraband. Why Luke would exile Snoke here —
No. If there was one thing that Ben had learned, it was that Luke had no idea what he was doing.
He contacted Poe, feeling at least a flutter of relief seeing Poe’s miniature image flicker into existence. Poe stared at him, hair messy, eyes clearly tired and clearly done crying. Ben’s heart ached uncomfortably for him.
“Ben,” Poe said. "You’re here. You’re okay. I was so scared for you. I knew when your Uncle said you burned down a Temple that there was something wrong with it...”
“I didn’t do it,” Ben said. There was a part in the back of his mind that was pretty much ready to kill Luke. To squeeze the life from him. Maybe it wasn’t Light Side. Ben couldn’t bring himself to care. Voe, Tai and Hennix thought he was a monster. Luke thought he was a monster. His mother thought he was a monster, probably his father too.
Only Poe seemed to believe that there was hope for him.
“Ben,” Poe said softly. “I don’t think you’re a killer. You believed in me when I came back from Kijimi. My turn.”
“I was attacked,” Ben said. He purposely left out the identity of Ben’s attacker. It was for the best. He pictured the light going out behind Poe’s eyes while he learned the truth. “Then I was framed for destroying the Academy. You have to believe I wouldn’t do it, Poe. I love these people. Not like I love you, but...”
He paused. It wasn’t how he pictured it. Confessing his love among Dark Side vines that wanted to drag him down...
"Ben,” Poe said. “If you love me, why are you leaving?”
“I’m going to places,” Ben said. “Places I can’t take people I love."
“Like Revan.” Revan and Bastila had been one of Ben’s favorite stories growing up. He didn’t miss the hurt setting Poe’s face, the disappointment.
“Like Revan,” Ben said. “I have work to do. You...no matter what happens, know that our lives cradle each other’s. I love you. I love you more than anything. And I’ll come back.”
Coming back to destroy was still coming back.
Poe nodded. “I love you too,” he said. “I love you so much.”
"You’ll be amazing, Poe. You’ll go from a spice runner to a galactic savior. I’m not a seer, but I just know it, deep in my heart.”
“I just wish you were with me.”
It was wrong to lie. But Ben said, “Maybe”, anyway. In his heart, he hoped that it was the case.
***
"You should leave,” Snoke said. If he had any mockery for Ben, he didn’t show it.
Ben nodded. “That’s the plan,” he said. “May the Force be with you, Snoke.”
“I believe,” Snoke said, “You need it more.”
***
Ben left for the Grimtaash, fired it up to leave for Elphrona. A part, he thought, of where it all began. Poe would grieve, but maybe he’d get over it. Maybe his heart would harden, and he’d have no problems hating Ben. Maybe he’d be the first person Poe Dameron actually hated.
Maybe Ben deserved it. A man that even Luke Skywalker found irredeemable wasn’t meant for happiness. He only hoped that Poe would be happy, in his stead.
Summary: Ben says a goodbye before heading to Elphrona.
Prompt: Vines
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Title from the Rise Against song of the same name. Also, note that Ben’s supposed to be an unreliable narrator here. His perceptions of his family are not true; he’s just being gaslit by Snoke.
It was before heading out to Elphrona — Elphrona was a foolish idea, but honestly, Ben thought, it was one of those aspects where a helmet being left behind was a clue. He didn’t know why Ren would leave his helmet behind. It seemed inexplicable — that Ben turned to Snoke. “There’s someone I still need to talk to.”
There was something unpleasant about Snoke’s gaze, almost like he was scraping around inside Ben’s head. Then, “It’s Dameron, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Ben said. “I didn’t get in contact with him and I’m just worried about what he thinks right now...”
Snoke snorted. “You don’t need him...Ben.”
Ben’s brow furrowed. “Did you even hear a word I just said?”
Snoke continued. “I did. Your mother inexplicably favors him over you. You’ve seen it, haven’t you?” Before joining Rapier Squadron, Poe had worked as a political intern, jotting down notes for Leia. “And you’ve seen how he absorbs it. Stealing a mother figure that wasn’t his own...”
Ben blinked. It was something he doubted he could wrap his head around. “Poe isn’t like that at all.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were blinded by love for him.”
The way Snoke said it...it was enough for Ben to at least want to hang his head, even though he didn’t do it outright.
“I love him,” Ben said. “I mean, he’s beautiful — ”
“That’s all you see in him?” Snoke said disdainfully. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, young Solo.”
“ — but he’s also kind,” Ben said. “He’s kind. Witty. Dedicated to fighting injustice. And I can’t take him with me, obviously, because he’s too Light and good. I can’t break him."
Snoke snorted. “He isn’t worth bringing along. He would only drag you down, keep you caged where the Knights of Ren would let you fly...”
Ben swallowed. It was hard to accept. More than hard. But he couldn’t bring Poe with him. He tried to picture Poe becoming like him in a way that seemed so very un-Poe-like...
He couldn’t break someone so beautiful.
"I suppose you’re right,” he lied.
It wouldn’t be the last time he lied to Snoke. Ben knew that much.
***
The vines seemed to be almost a challenge to wade through, winding up to his waist. Even finding a good place to stand and transmit, Ben could feel the Dark Side radiating from the planet. He wondered if it was just one of those Dark Side hotspots, like Malachor or Moraband. Why Luke would exile Snoke here —
No. If there was one thing that Ben had learned, it was that Luke had no idea what he was doing.
He contacted Poe, feeling at least a flutter of relief seeing Poe’s miniature image flicker into existence. Poe stared at him, hair messy, eyes clearly tired and clearly done crying. Ben’s heart ached uncomfortably for him.
“Ben,” Poe said. "You’re here. You’re okay. I was so scared for you. I knew when your Uncle said you burned down a Temple that there was something wrong with it...”
“I didn’t do it,” Ben said. There was a part in the back of his mind that was pretty much ready to kill Luke. To squeeze the life from him. Maybe it wasn’t Light Side. Ben couldn’t bring himself to care. Voe, Tai and Hennix thought he was a monster. Luke thought he was a monster. His mother thought he was a monster, probably his father too.
Only Poe seemed to believe that there was hope for him.
“Ben,” Poe said softly. “I don’t think you’re a killer. You believed in me when I came back from Kijimi. My turn.”
“I was attacked,” Ben said. He purposely left out the identity of Ben’s attacker. It was for the best. He pictured the light going out behind Poe’s eyes while he learned the truth. “Then I was framed for destroying the Academy. You have to believe I wouldn’t do it, Poe. I love these people. Not like I love you, but...”
He paused. It wasn’t how he pictured it. Confessing his love among Dark Side vines that wanted to drag him down...
"Ben,” Poe said. “If you love me, why are you leaving?”
“I’m going to places,” Ben said. “Places I can’t take people I love."
“Like Revan.” Revan and Bastila had been one of Ben’s favorite stories growing up. He didn’t miss the hurt setting Poe’s face, the disappointment.
“Like Revan,” Ben said. “I have work to do. You...no matter what happens, know that our lives cradle each other’s. I love you. I love you more than anything. And I’ll come back.”
Coming back to destroy was still coming back.
Poe nodded. “I love you too,” he said. “I love you so much.”
"You’ll be amazing, Poe. You’ll go from a spice runner to a galactic savior. I’m not a seer, but I just know it, deep in my heart.”
“I just wish you were with me.”
It was wrong to lie. But Ben said, “Maybe”, anyway. In his heart, he hoped that it was the case.
***
"You should leave,” Snoke said. If he had any mockery for Ben, he didn’t show it.
Ben nodded. “That’s the plan,” he said. “May the Force be with you, Snoke.”
“I believe,” Snoke said, “You need it more.”
***
Ben left for the Grimtaash, fired it up to leave for Elphrona. A part, he thought, of where it all began. Poe would grieve, but maybe he’d get over it. Maybe his heart would harden, and he’d have no problems hating Ben. Maybe he’d be the first person Poe Dameron actually hated.
Maybe Ben deserved it. A man that even Luke Skywalker found irredeemable wasn’t meant for happiness. He only hoped that Poe would be happy, in his stead.
