For allbingo
Oct. 25th, 2020 08:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Weakness and Strength
Summary: What happened the night Luke nearly killed Ben?
Prompt: Nightmares
If Ben Solo was to be honest about the whole thing, he didn’t want to go to sleep. It sounded so childish, that whole “I don’t want to go to bed” thing, but when his nightmares seemed fo dominate his sleep, it was hard to really go to sleep. To be calm about the idea of going to sleep. Sleep was necessary. Sleep was required. Ben didn’t know, of course, why his sleeping hours seemed to be filled with so many nightmares.
Perhaps they’re visions, child, the Voice in his mind said. Perhaps they’re outlines of what is to be. There’s no use fighting them, after all.
“Go away.” Ben snuggled under the covers of his bed, grabbing the fabric of his blankets closer to himself. “Get out of my head.”
I only speak the truth. Maybe you ought to give in. See the truth.
Ben fought to keep his eyes open. Tried to read some of the Jedi teachings that he’d taken notes on in his datapad. But he was so very tired...
Even as he dreaded it, the waves of his nightmares pulled him under, and he was back in a familiar nightmare.
***
It was something that could have started off pleasant at first. He and Poe sitting under the Force tree, when his subconscious let him hear the crackle of flames, the sight of orange flames consuming the very top of the tree. And outside, a battlefield. Some sky above a Sith world, with Poe’s ship falling out of the sky with one shot —
Only you have the power to save him, said the Voice. Only you can help him...
“I won’t fall,” Ben said. Even if his uncle somehow thought he was a failure, Ben wasn’t about to give in to this Voice. “I can’t fall.”
Who’s to say that it’s falling? Perhaps it's freedom. Freedom from your uncle, from your Jedi — from just about everyone...
A beat.
Have they ever been grateful to you? Voe hasn’t. Some of the other students haven’t. Your mother and uncle haven’t. They think you’re so limited, their affections so conditional...
A beat.
They don’t know anything about you, care anything about you. Not like I do.
It was while Ben was still resisting, still fighting, that he felt something else, someone else, there. His uncle. What would his uncle think of him, being so weak?
Why don’t you open your eyes, child, and look at your true enemy?
Ben did, and it was there that his heart, plain and simply broke.
Because Luke was standing over him. His own uncle. With his lightsaber ignited, glowing green as it all but illuminated the room.
Somehow, Luke had been listening in the whole time.
Somehow, Luke had seen Vader as being worthy of being saved...but not Ben.
It took a split-second for Ben’s hurt, his pain, to be replaced with the knowledge that he needed to defend himself.
He summoned his lightsaber to him. Ignited it. Even as Luke protested, tried to explain, Ben fought. But he couldn’t defeat his uncle in combat. He simply couldn’t.
So he brought the roof of the hut down.
And when he woke, feeling like he was being smothered by chunks of the hut, it took effort — but he let himself stretch through the Force. Strain. Force the chunks to hover in the air, the remnants of a hut that he’d destroyed.
Everything hurt. It felt like his heart was broken but still beating. He stumbled away, feeling like he was going mad. He didn’t know what caused the Dark Side storm, if it was him accidentally or something.
But he knew that he loved Poe Dameron — and Luke Skywalker hated him for it.
***
It was when Luke woke up, when he came to — that he clawed his way out of the ruins of the collapsed hut and found his way to the burning Temple.
It was done. He’d pushed Ben over the edge, no doubt. Because of his own weakness, because he hadn’t been able to resist what was inside his head. What was controlling him, hurting him. He was such a coward. And he had been unable to save himself...
It was his fault. All of it. Because he’d been weak.
***
Time passed, and Luke couldn’t tell anyone the truth, which he took to his grave. Being so weak. He didn’t expect his absolution to come when Ben visited him in the afterlife. Only temporarily dead, Luke found. Only temporarily.
And he told Ben the truth. Even if Ben thought less of him...
Ben went still. Then, “So...Palpatine was controlling you?”
“Revenge, no doubt,” Luke said, “For my defiance on the second Death Star.” A sigh. “I could have been stronger...”
“You defied him,” Ben said. “You broke free of his control. That’s not something to scoff at.” Then, “I just wish I’d seen it. Realized what had really happened. Uncle...you did it.”
“That’s kind of you to say, Ben, but...I feel I need to do something more. I need to do this, or I’ll feel like I haven’t truly given back to the galaxy. I didn’t want our family to end like this, and it won’t.” Luke knew exactly what he needed to do. “I’m bringing you back.”
“How?” Ben said.
“Force Healing. The same thing that killed you in the first place. By the way,” Luke said, “Rey’s technically your cousin. Palpatine being my grandfather and all.” He’d explain more, of course. He had to.
“Oh my Force...”
The mortification on his nephew’s face was almost adorable, in a way.
“But,” Luke said, “That’s another story. Ghosts can use Force powers. Yoda managed to burn down a Force tree while still a ghost.”
“Why?”
“It’s...a long story.” Luke had a feeling that he’d need to explain a lot to Ben. “Ben...I failed to save you. But if I give back to the galaxy, somehow..."
“I’ll do it...just to make amends. There’s a lot I need to do.” Ben swallowed. “Uncle...”
Luke smiled. “I know, Ben.”
He poured his energy into the Force. That was the fascinating thing about Force Ghosts using the Force; they all but were luminous beings of pure energy. He watched as Ben faded away.
Live, Ben. Run home, and live.
Summary: What happened the night Luke nearly killed Ben?
Prompt: Nightmares
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
If Ben Solo was to be honest about the whole thing, he didn’t want to go to sleep. It sounded so childish, that whole “I don’t want to go to bed” thing, but when his nightmares seemed fo dominate his sleep, it was hard to really go to sleep. To be calm about the idea of going to sleep. Sleep was necessary. Sleep was required. Ben didn’t know, of course, why his sleeping hours seemed to be filled with so many nightmares.
Perhaps they’re visions, child, the Voice in his mind said. Perhaps they’re outlines of what is to be. There’s no use fighting them, after all.
“Go away.” Ben snuggled under the covers of his bed, grabbing the fabric of his blankets closer to himself. “Get out of my head.”
I only speak the truth. Maybe you ought to give in. See the truth.
Ben fought to keep his eyes open. Tried to read some of the Jedi teachings that he’d taken notes on in his datapad. But he was so very tired...
Even as he dreaded it, the waves of his nightmares pulled him under, and he was back in a familiar nightmare.
***
It was something that could have started off pleasant at first. He and Poe sitting under the Force tree, when his subconscious let him hear the crackle of flames, the sight of orange flames consuming the very top of the tree. And outside, a battlefield. Some sky above a Sith world, with Poe’s ship falling out of the sky with one shot —
Only you have the power to save him, said the Voice. Only you can help him...
“I won’t fall,” Ben said. Even if his uncle somehow thought he was a failure, Ben wasn’t about to give in to this Voice. “I can’t fall.”
Who’s to say that it’s falling? Perhaps it's freedom. Freedom from your uncle, from your Jedi — from just about everyone...
A beat.
Have they ever been grateful to you? Voe hasn’t. Some of the other students haven’t. Your mother and uncle haven’t. They think you’re so limited, their affections so conditional...
A beat.
They don’t know anything about you, care anything about you. Not like I do.
It was while Ben was still resisting, still fighting, that he felt something else, someone else, there. His uncle. What would his uncle think of him, being so weak?
Why don’t you open your eyes, child, and look at your true enemy?
Ben did, and it was there that his heart, plain and simply broke.
Because Luke was standing over him. His own uncle. With his lightsaber ignited, glowing green as it all but illuminated the room.
Somehow, Luke had been listening in the whole time.
Somehow, Luke had seen Vader as being worthy of being saved...but not Ben.
It took a split-second for Ben’s hurt, his pain, to be replaced with the knowledge that he needed to defend himself.
He summoned his lightsaber to him. Ignited it. Even as Luke protested, tried to explain, Ben fought. But he couldn’t defeat his uncle in combat. He simply couldn’t.
So he brought the roof of the hut down.
And when he woke, feeling like he was being smothered by chunks of the hut, it took effort — but he let himself stretch through the Force. Strain. Force the chunks to hover in the air, the remnants of a hut that he’d destroyed.
Everything hurt. It felt like his heart was broken but still beating. He stumbled away, feeling like he was going mad. He didn’t know what caused the Dark Side storm, if it was him accidentally or something.
But he knew that he loved Poe Dameron — and Luke Skywalker hated him for it.
***
It was when Luke woke up, when he came to — that he clawed his way out of the ruins of the collapsed hut and found his way to the burning Temple.
It was done. He’d pushed Ben over the edge, no doubt. Because of his own weakness, because he hadn’t been able to resist what was inside his head. What was controlling him, hurting him. He was such a coward. And he had been unable to save himself...
It was his fault. All of it. Because he’d been weak.
***
Time passed, and Luke couldn’t tell anyone the truth, which he took to his grave. Being so weak. He didn’t expect his absolution to come when Ben visited him in the afterlife. Only temporarily dead, Luke found. Only temporarily.
And he told Ben the truth. Even if Ben thought less of him...
Ben went still. Then, “So...Palpatine was controlling you?”
“Revenge, no doubt,” Luke said, “For my defiance on the second Death Star.” A sigh. “I could have been stronger...”
“You defied him,” Ben said. “You broke free of his control. That’s not something to scoff at.” Then, “I just wish I’d seen it. Realized what had really happened. Uncle...you did it.”
“That’s kind of you to say, Ben, but...I feel I need to do something more. I need to do this, or I’ll feel like I haven’t truly given back to the galaxy. I didn’t want our family to end like this, and it won’t.” Luke knew exactly what he needed to do. “I’m bringing you back.”
“How?” Ben said.
“Force Healing. The same thing that killed you in the first place. By the way,” Luke said, “Rey’s technically your cousin. Palpatine being my grandfather and all.” He’d explain more, of course. He had to.
“Oh my Force...”
The mortification on his nephew’s face was almost adorable, in a way.
“But,” Luke said, “That’s another story. Ghosts can use Force powers. Yoda managed to burn down a Force tree while still a ghost.”
“Why?”
“It’s...a long story.” Luke had a feeling that he’d need to explain a lot to Ben. “Ben...I failed to save you. But if I give back to the galaxy, somehow..."
“I’ll do it...just to make amends. There’s a lot I need to do.” Ben swallowed. “Uncle...”
Luke smiled. “I know, Ben.”
He poured his energy into the Force. That was the fascinating thing about Force Ghosts using the Force; they all but were luminous beings of pure energy. He watched as Ben faded away.
Live, Ben. Run home, and live.
