For genprompt_bingo
Aug. 25th, 2020 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Are You Happy
Summary: Ben and Poe talk over transmission on Kijimi.
Prompt: Explorer
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Kind of took advantage of Wookieepedia maintaining the Poe-came-back-at-twenty-one thing as well as the implied time skip in Free Fall to write this.
Ben contacted him at one point on Kijimi, when Poe was twenty-one and Ben eighteen. Eighteen years old; had it really been that long, Poe couldn’t help but wonder. He had been away for...kriff, five years. He didn’t even have a holo of Ben to really keep track of how he was getting better. How he was going from boy to man.
They talked, of course. Talked about the Academy — Ben shared stories about what was going on there, and Ben finally, more seriously, said, “Poe...are you happy out there?”
Ben actually sounded...he didn’t even sound wounded, if Poe was to be perfectly honest. Poe wondered if he was secretly wounded, if he was hurting where Poe couldn’t see.
“I...” Poe sighed. Truthfully, he couldn’t say. It wasn’t like Zorii was bad to him. Not at all. He couldn’t say how he felt about her — he could only say that he felt a kinship with her. They were both bound together, both alone in the galaxy, and so he cared for her there.
Besides, Ben had been thirteen when he left — practically a baby.
“I don’t know,” Poe said. “I’ve been seeing different aspects of this life that I’ve been dragged into, Ben, and I don’t know if I like them.”
“Dragged into?” Ben furrowed his brow. “Poe, where are you?”
“I can’t tell you,” Poe said. “It’s too dangerous, Ben...”
“Then you shouldn’t even be out there.”
“I can’t go back.”
Stars, what would his father think of him, Poe thought. What would he say? He wasn’t a killer, but it didn’t stop him from being the family disappointment, did it?
Ben’s face softened even as Poe slumped in his seat, almost wanting to bury his face in his hands. “People have been redeemed in history for far more than you, Poe.”
“Yeah, but...” Poe laughed, a bit strained. “Ben, I kriffed up.”
“I forgive you,” Ben said. “I forgive you completely.” Then, “Doesn’t that count?”
"It does, but I don’t know if I deserve it. That’s all.”
“Yes, you do."
Poe paused. Then, “Why are you doing this, Ben?”
Ben sighed. “You really don’t know, do you? How...” He ran a hand through his hair. “I wish there was a speech I could give you, Poe. To sum up why. I just know two things: you’re better than you think you are, and for that, I love you and believe in you.”
He didn’t deserve that. Poe knew he didn’t. There were so many things he wasn’t worthy of. Him, a man who’d run away from home in a fit of pique, just because he was tired of being all but smothered.
“I...”
Footsteps. Zorii was coming back.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Ben.”
Tomorrow — Poe could only hope that Ben would forgive him, even as he shut off the comm.
Summary: Ben and Poe talk over transmission on Kijimi.
Prompt: Explorer
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Kind of took advantage of Wookieepedia maintaining the Poe-came-back-at-twenty-one thing as well as the implied time skip in Free Fall to write this.
Ben contacted him at one point on Kijimi, when Poe was twenty-one and Ben eighteen. Eighteen years old; had it really been that long, Poe couldn’t help but wonder. He had been away for...kriff, five years. He didn’t even have a holo of Ben to really keep track of how he was getting better. How he was going from boy to man.
They talked, of course. Talked about the Academy — Ben shared stories about what was going on there, and Ben finally, more seriously, said, “Poe...are you happy out there?”
Ben actually sounded...he didn’t even sound wounded, if Poe was to be perfectly honest. Poe wondered if he was secretly wounded, if he was hurting where Poe couldn’t see.
“I...” Poe sighed. Truthfully, he couldn’t say. It wasn’t like Zorii was bad to him. Not at all. He couldn’t say how he felt about her — he could only say that he felt a kinship with her. They were both bound together, both alone in the galaxy, and so he cared for her there.
Besides, Ben had been thirteen when he left — practically a baby.
“I don’t know,” Poe said. “I’ve been seeing different aspects of this life that I’ve been dragged into, Ben, and I don’t know if I like them.”
“Dragged into?” Ben furrowed his brow. “Poe, where are you?”
“I can’t tell you,” Poe said. “It’s too dangerous, Ben...”
“Then you shouldn’t even be out there.”
“I can’t go back.”
Stars, what would his father think of him, Poe thought. What would he say? He wasn’t a killer, but it didn’t stop him from being the family disappointment, did it?
Ben’s face softened even as Poe slumped in his seat, almost wanting to bury his face in his hands. “People have been redeemed in history for far more than you, Poe.”
“Yeah, but...” Poe laughed, a bit strained. “Ben, I kriffed up.”
“I forgive you,” Ben said. “I forgive you completely.” Then, “Doesn’t that count?”
"It does, but I don’t know if I deserve it. That’s all.”
“Yes, you do."
Poe paused. Then, “Why are you doing this, Ben?”
Ben sighed. “You really don’t know, do you? How...” He ran a hand through his hair. “I wish there was a speech I could give you, Poe. To sum up why. I just know two things: you’re better than you think you are, and for that, I love you and believe in you.”
He didn’t deserve that. Poe knew he didn’t. There were so many things he wasn’t worthy of. Him, a man who’d run away from home in a fit of pique, just because he was tired of being all but smothered.
“I...”
Footsteps. Zorii was coming back.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Ben.”
Tomorrow — Poe could only hope that Ben would forgive him, even as he shut off the comm.
