For hc_bingo
Aug. 11th, 2020 11:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Resolution
Summary: Ben gets set up in the Resistance Base.
Prompt: Fire
They’re close together now. Ben can feel it, their close proximity, their warmth — he’s embarrassed to admit that he likes it more than childhood friends should. At least he hasn’t had any awkward erections. Yet.
(He admits he’s had some, like when Poe was twenty-one and graduated from the Academy, looking so dashing in his Republic uniform that it sent a painful jolt of desire to Ben’s heart. And his cock. It was a good thing Jedi robes could conceal an erection)
Ben watches Poe — smooth bronze-gold skin, black, curly hair. He looks like an angel. Maybe he is an angel, for all intents and purposes.
Maybe.
“Kriff,” Poe mutters. “What time is it?”
Ben checks. “Four o’hundred. I can sense we’re coming up on D’Qar.”
“Ah. Should be...interesting, at least.” Poe says.
Ben thinks he catches Voe’s curious look and Tai’s smile over breakfast, and it’s the first hint that there may be a semblance of okay after everything that happened.
***
The Grimtaash touches down on D’Qar, and Ben looks around in that moment, trying to take in this strange new place with its strange new rules. Its new status quo. And Ben can feel people at his side. The other Jedi, including his uncle, and Voe, Tai and Hennix. And then there’s Poe. Poe winks at him, and Ben smiles. For a while, he can keep his cool. At least before Han Solo makes his way towards them.
“Ben?” Han just sounds bewildered. Bewildered and concerned.
“Dad.” Ben breaks in that moment, and Han hugs him close, rubbing his back as Ben feels tears running down his face. A Jedi isn’t supposed to grieve. And no one died. But there’s the simple, honest fact that everything he knew, a site that he thought was safe, a place his mother promised would help him — it’s just gone.
He could have lost everything.
Everyone could have died.
“It’s all right, kiddo,” Han says softly. “Come on, inside. Where it’s safe.” He speaks gently, almost as if speaking to a wounded animal, a lost child.
Ben supposes he is both, in a way.
He withdraws, turns to Poe and wipes his eyes. “Sorry,” he says.
“It’s fine,” Poe says. “Really.” He sighs. “You had a long yesterday.”
A long yesterday. That’s one way to put it, Ben thinks.
***
“You said it would be safe.”
That’s what Ben says when he confronts his mother. How dare she stand there, with her soft eyes, when she was the one who sent him there.
“I thought it would be, Ben,” Leia says. The other Jedi are mercifully out of the room, as is Luke; he’s helping them get settled in. “I really did. There were times I turned it...over and over again in my head if it was the right thing to do...”
“So you really thought the right thing,” Ben says tightly, “Was just to dump me there?”
Leia winces. Ben wishes he didn’t do that to her. “Ben,” she says, “I thought it could help you. You know I trained under your uncle once. It helped me. I know it did. I was able to help you too — keeping the Voice out of your head for some time.”
“For some time,” Ben repeats bitterly. Then, “Well, how kriffing wonderful,” he says acidically. “So you didn’t even visit me, didn’t even contact me via hologram...you thought just because I was acting like a kid would that you could kriffing ditch me?!”
“You don’t have to swear at your mother every other sentence,” Han says.
Ben sighs. “Dad, don’t.”
“Ben,” Poe says, “Just...breathe. Please.”
There’s something in his tone that at least gets Ben to do that much. “I just don’t understand,” he says.
Leia nods. “The first rule of being an adult, Ben: you realize your parents aren’t gods.” She sighs. “Let me finish — I did make a mistake. I thought I was protecting you. I thought that if I sent you to Adani, your uncle could help you. Protect you. And...I was struggling with many other things. It’s not an excuse, but I did struggle to do many things right.” A beat. “I was...terrified of turning out like your grandfather. At least in terms of parenting.”
“You’re not him.” Ben relaxes a little, allowing at least a pinprick of pity to enter his heart. His mother isn’t a goddess. She’s a person — a being with flaws and virtues in equal measure. True, she had her problems, but she gave him happy times and life lessons too.
“Kind of you to say, but I wonder if I hurt you in my own way.” Leia sighs. “I loved you, but love isn’t just a feeling, isn’t it? It’s an action. And I feel like I didn’t show it to you enough. I am sorry, Ben. I didn’t scream or hit, or torture, or slice off any limbs — but it doesn’t have to be as dramatic as that to hurt, does it?”
“The Voice said you didn’t love me. That you’d...replace me...”
Leia goes rigid. Ben can almost imagine her becoming like an avenging warrior. Then, “Ben...I’m not angry at you. I’m just...very angry at whoever, at whatever, told you something so cruel. It’s despicable, that they would say that to you. My son.”
My little angel, the unspoken words are.
“Believe me, Ben...I would never replace you,” Leia says, more softly. “And I’m so, so sorry, sorry beyond belief, that I didn’t know.”
Ben believes her. And he nods.
Leia smiles then. “I’m blessed by the Force to have you as my son,” she says. “And when the Force gives you a gift...should you ask why it’s given?”
It’s everything Ben wanted to hear and more.
***
“I...guess I’m the last person who should lecture you about yelling at a parent.”
Poe says it then, even as they head up towards their rooms.
“Yes, indeed,” Threepio says; if protocol droids could tut, Ben has a feeling Threepio would be doing it right now. "Mistress Leia was quite distraught when she felt the fire, Master Ben; it was obvious how much she loves you...”
“I was unfair,” Ben says. Then, “I’ve been so used to being angry at her and trying to deny it. What now?”
“Well,” Poe says, gently, “That’s really up to you. I guess I just...want you to get well.”
“Like you did?”
“Like I did. I got better, Ben. You can too.”
They’re close now. Ben wonders if they’re close enough to kiss. Should he take that chance? Not until Poe’s ready, at least — and not with Threepio watching.
“Thank you,” Ben says. “Really.”
Poe smiles. “No problem. I’m a shout across the hall if you need anything.”
Ben smiles back. He trusts Poe. The Voice lied about everything. He’s safe.
Summary: Ben gets set up in the Resistance Base.
Prompt: Fire
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
They’re close together now. Ben can feel it, their close proximity, their warmth — he’s embarrassed to admit that he likes it more than childhood friends should. At least he hasn’t had any awkward erections. Yet.
(He admits he’s had some, like when Poe was twenty-one and graduated from the Academy, looking so dashing in his Republic uniform that it sent a painful jolt of desire to Ben’s heart. And his cock. It was a good thing Jedi robes could conceal an erection)
Ben watches Poe — smooth bronze-gold skin, black, curly hair. He looks like an angel. Maybe he is an angel, for all intents and purposes.
Maybe.
“Kriff,” Poe mutters. “What time is it?”
Ben checks. “Four o’hundred. I can sense we’re coming up on D’Qar.”
“Ah. Should be...interesting, at least.” Poe says.
Ben thinks he catches Voe’s curious look and Tai’s smile over breakfast, and it’s the first hint that there may be a semblance of okay after everything that happened.
***
The Grimtaash touches down on D’Qar, and Ben looks around in that moment, trying to take in this strange new place with its strange new rules. Its new status quo. And Ben can feel people at his side. The other Jedi, including his uncle, and Voe, Tai and Hennix. And then there’s Poe. Poe winks at him, and Ben smiles. For a while, he can keep his cool. At least before Han Solo makes his way towards them.
“Ben?” Han just sounds bewildered. Bewildered and concerned.
“Dad.” Ben breaks in that moment, and Han hugs him close, rubbing his back as Ben feels tears running down his face. A Jedi isn’t supposed to grieve. And no one died. But there’s the simple, honest fact that everything he knew, a site that he thought was safe, a place his mother promised would help him — it’s just gone.
He could have lost everything.
Everyone could have died.
“It’s all right, kiddo,” Han says softly. “Come on, inside. Where it’s safe.” He speaks gently, almost as if speaking to a wounded animal, a lost child.
Ben supposes he is both, in a way.
He withdraws, turns to Poe and wipes his eyes. “Sorry,” he says.
“It’s fine,” Poe says. “Really.” He sighs. “You had a long yesterday.”
A long yesterday. That’s one way to put it, Ben thinks.
***
“You said it would be safe.”
That’s what Ben says when he confronts his mother. How dare she stand there, with her soft eyes, when she was the one who sent him there.
“I thought it would be, Ben,” Leia says. The other Jedi are mercifully out of the room, as is Luke; he’s helping them get settled in. “I really did. There were times I turned it...over and over again in my head if it was the right thing to do...”
“So you really thought the right thing,” Ben says tightly, “Was just to dump me there?”
Leia winces. Ben wishes he didn’t do that to her. “Ben,” she says, “I thought it could help you. You know I trained under your uncle once. It helped me. I know it did. I was able to help you too — keeping the Voice out of your head for some time.”
“For some time,” Ben repeats bitterly. Then, “Well, how kriffing wonderful,” he says acidically. “So you didn’t even visit me, didn’t even contact me via hologram...you thought just because I was acting like a kid would that you could kriffing ditch me?!”
“You don’t have to swear at your mother every other sentence,” Han says.
Ben sighs. “Dad, don’t.”
“Ben,” Poe says, “Just...breathe. Please.”
There’s something in his tone that at least gets Ben to do that much. “I just don’t understand,” he says.
Leia nods. “The first rule of being an adult, Ben: you realize your parents aren’t gods.” She sighs. “Let me finish — I did make a mistake. I thought I was protecting you. I thought that if I sent you to Adani, your uncle could help you. Protect you. And...I was struggling with many other things. It’s not an excuse, but I did struggle to do many things right.” A beat. “I was...terrified of turning out like your grandfather. At least in terms of parenting.”
“You’re not him.” Ben relaxes a little, allowing at least a pinprick of pity to enter his heart. His mother isn’t a goddess. She’s a person — a being with flaws and virtues in equal measure. True, she had her problems, but she gave him happy times and life lessons too.
“Kind of you to say, but I wonder if I hurt you in my own way.” Leia sighs. “I loved you, but love isn’t just a feeling, isn’t it? It’s an action. And I feel like I didn’t show it to you enough. I am sorry, Ben. I didn’t scream or hit, or torture, or slice off any limbs — but it doesn’t have to be as dramatic as that to hurt, does it?”
“The Voice said you didn’t love me. That you’d...replace me...”
Leia goes rigid. Ben can almost imagine her becoming like an avenging warrior. Then, “Ben...I’m not angry at you. I’m just...very angry at whoever, at whatever, told you something so cruel. It’s despicable, that they would say that to you. My son.”
My little angel, the unspoken words are.
“Believe me, Ben...I would never replace you,” Leia says, more softly. “And I’m so, so sorry, sorry beyond belief, that I didn’t know.”
Ben believes her. And he nods.
Leia smiles then. “I’m blessed by the Force to have you as my son,” she says. “And when the Force gives you a gift...should you ask why it’s given?”
It’s everything Ben wanted to hear and more.
***
“I...guess I’m the last person who should lecture you about yelling at a parent.”
Poe says it then, even as they head up towards their rooms.
“Yes, indeed,” Threepio says; if protocol droids could tut, Ben has a feeling Threepio would be doing it right now. "Mistress Leia was quite distraught when she felt the fire, Master Ben; it was obvious how much she loves you...”
“I was unfair,” Ben says. Then, “I’ve been so used to being angry at her and trying to deny it. What now?”
“Well,” Poe says, gently, “That’s really up to you. I guess I just...want you to get well.”
“Like you did?”
“Like I did. I got better, Ben. You can too.”
They’re close now. Ben wonders if they’re close enough to kiss. Should he take that chance? Not until Poe’s ready, at least — and not with Threepio watching.
“Thank you,” Ben says. “Really.”
Poe smiles. “No problem. I’m a shout across the hall if you need anything.”
Ben smiles back. He trusts Poe. The Voice lied about everything. He’s safe.
