For hc-bingo
Jun. 14th, 2019 07:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Understanding Beyond Comfort
Summary: Poe learns what Snoke did.
Prompt: lost childhood
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It should have been happily ever after after Ben Solo — formerly Kylo Ren — came back to the base. It really wasn’t.
It should have been a prime example of Poe being able to say what a monster and a failure he was — and yet he couldn’t when Ben seemed to be doing his job for him. He seemed like a shell of both Ben Solo and Kylo Ren, a far cry from both, and Poe couldn’t help but wonder what exactly had happened to him to really make him that way.
It was afterwards, in Ben’s room, that Poe confronted him. “Are you...okay?”
Kylo was quiet. “Fine.”
“I never really understood why you did what you did. I mean...Rey told me some of it, but the rest doesn’t add up. Not really. Nothing adds up.”
A beat. Then Ben said, “It was Snoke.”
Something about the way he said that made Poe feel sick. “Snoke? You mean, even after he...”
“Yes.”
“Ben,” and here Poe could swear that his anger and anxiety was now starting to build, to reach almost supernova levels, “What happened to you? What did he do to you?”
Ben was quiet for a while. Then, “He didn’t violate me sexually, there is that.”
“But the rest...” Poe was already feeling a bit lightheaded. They hurt my treasure, my Ben, and I didn’t know anything about it...
Ben nodded. “It went on for years. He started off as kind at first, but then he got...really vicious.”
“Don’t they all.” Finn and Rey had had more obvious examples of childhood abuse, while Ben’s had slowly but surely crept up on him while Leia had basically done nothing.
But then again, had she known?
“I’m sorry, Ben,” Poe said. “If I knew...I would have beat the stuffing out of him.”
Ben smiled. “You have many wonderful qualities, Poe, but I think even you have your limitations. Even killing Snoke...I had to be sneaky about it.”
“For your sake, I would have done anything.”
“I believe you.” Ben looked vulnerable in that moment. “I don’t blame you if you leave, but can you...stay a while? I admit I am afraid.”
“Of Snoke?”
“Of sleeping.”
Poe hesitated. He couldn’t believe he was basically staying with someone who had hurt him so badly, but some old feelings couldn’t be completely shed. Even though Kylo had hurt him worse than he could have imagined, he still loved Ben Solo.
He hated Kylo and loved Ben. Maybe he’d figure it all out. One day.
“I’ll stay a while.” Poe said. “In the...same bed?” Even that brought back memories of seeing Ben at eighteen and realizing he was technically a man now, and lovelier than Poe could ever imagine.
“Whatever you want. I just don’t want you to get a neck crick.”
“How charitable of you,” Poe teased, and it struck him: when was the last time he’d actually joked with Ben like this? Kriff, but he had missed him.
They took separate beds. Poe doubted he was ready, after all, for the leftover trepidation of knowing it was Ben, not Kylo, there, or the complicated mixture of emotions that he’d felt since Crait when he realized who Kylo really was.
Kylo fell asleep immediately. How damn long had he been sleep deprived? Even as Poe watched him deep in slumber, he couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked. Of course, sleep stole the soul in its way, but even so...
He felt sleep take him as well, take him under, and he doubted that he had slept this well in a while.
Summary: Poe learns what Snoke did.
Prompt: lost childhood
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It should have been happily ever after after Ben Solo — formerly Kylo Ren — came back to the base. It really wasn’t.
It should have been a prime example of Poe being able to say what a monster and a failure he was — and yet he couldn’t when Ben seemed to be doing his job for him. He seemed like a shell of both Ben Solo and Kylo Ren, a far cry from both, and Poe couldn’t help but wonder what exactly had happened to him to really make him that way.
It was afterwards, in Ben’s room, that Poe confronted him. “Are you...okay?”
Kylo was quiet. “Fine.”
“I never really understood why you did what you did. I mean...Rey told me some of it, but the rest doesn’t add up. Not really. Nothing adds up.”
A beat. Then Ben said, “It was Snoke.”
Something about the way he said that made Poe feel sick. “Snoke? You mean, even after he...”
“Yes.”
“Ben,” and here Poe could swear that his anger and anxiety was now starting to build, to reach almost supernova levels, “What happened to you? What did he do to you?”
Ben was quiet for a while. Then, “He didn’t violate me sexually, there is that.”
“But the rest...” Poe was already feeling a bit lightheaded. They hurt my treasure, my Ben, and I didn’t know anything about it...
Ben nodded. “It went on for years. He started off as kind at first, but then he got...really vicious.”
“Don’t they all.” Finn and Rey had had more obvious examples of childhood abuse, while Ben’s had slowly but surely crept up on him while Leia had basically done nothing.
But then again, had she known?
“I’m sorry, Ben,” Poe said. “If I knew...I would have beat the stuffing out of him.”
Ben smiled. “You have many wonderful qualities, Poe, but I think even you have your limitations. Even killing Snoke...I had to be sneaky about it.”
“For your sake, I would have done anything.”
“I believe you.” Ben looked vulnerable in that moment. “I don’t blame you if you leave, but can you...stay a while? I admit I am afraid.”
“Of Snoke?”
“Of sleeping.”
Poe hesitated. He couldn’t believe he was basically staying with someone who had hurt him so badly, but some old feelings couldn’t be completely shed. Even though Kylo had hurt him worse than he could have imagined, he still loved Ben Solo.
He hated Kylo and loved Ben. Maybe he’d figure it all out. One day.
“I’ll stay a while.” Poe said. “In the...same bed?” Even that brought back memories of seeing Ben at eighteen and realizing he was technically a man now, and lovelier than Poe could ever imagine.
“Whatever you want. I just don’t want you to get a neck crick.”
“How charitable of you,” Poe teased, and it struck him: when was the last time he’d actually joked with Ben like this? Kriff, but he had missed him.
They took separate beds. Poe doubted he was ready, after all, for the leftover trepidation of knowing it was Ben, not Kylo, there, or the complicated mixture of emotions that he’d felt since Crait when he realized who Kylo really was.
Kylo fell asleep immediately. How damn long had he been sleep deprived? Even as Poe watched him deep in slumber, he couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked. Of course, sleep stole the soul in its way, but even so...
He felt sleep take him as well, take him under, and he doubted that he had slept this well in a while.
