For hc-bingo
Jun. 13th, 2019 07:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Twisted
Summary: Poe is recaptured, and he and Kylo share a twisted kinship.
Prompt: Crucifixion
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Call it me venting about the whole Holdo bullshit. Also warning for suicidal ideation and abuse mentions. Also went for the figurative on the crucifixion thing.
When it really crashed down on him, one of many things that occurred to Poe was that he was a murderer, or good as.
Rose said she didn’t blame him for Paige’s death. “She gave her life; she volunteered,” Rose had said, and Poe knew it was true. Jess had been furious with Holdo and Leia both, accusing Leia in particular of good as crapping on Paige Tico’s grave. Finn had apologized for not coming to his defense, saying that he hadn’t expected Leia to slap Poe...and Poe couldn’t even say he was mad.
In a way, he’d deserved it. He should have been dead instead of Paige. If not for worrying about the Resistance and who would fight Kylo Ren
Ben. So Leia had lied about what happened to him
Poe would have gone through with it.
***
When Kylo captured him again, there were notable changes to his environment. It wasn’t on the Finalizer, Kylo was maskless (the scar Rey gave him gleaming in a thin line on his cheek), and Hux’s troopers hadn’t beaten the stang out of him.
There was that.
“I didn’t expect to see you again,” the monster with Ben’s face said.
Silence.
“You’re hurting, aren’t you?”
“It’s none of your business.” And yet Poe knew that was a lie. He knew that he was good as exposed to Kylo, permission be damned. He could remember Ben complaining about how it occasionally felt like he couldn’t “turn off” people’s thoughts. Couldn’t even lower the volume.
It didn’t make him hate Kylo any less.
“Do you think I have a choice whether or not it’s my business?” Kylo said.
“You has every choice in the galaxy when you broke into my head.” A beat. “Kriff, Ben, but I can’t believe I...”
He trailed off. He couldn’t say it out loud. There were things even Resistance leaders had to keep hidden.
“If I can’t say it out loud for you, I want you to say it.”
“Fine. It doesn’t matter.” Poe took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for you.”
Silence. Then, “If it’s all the same to you, I’m confused too."
Kylo left. Poe was alone then, alone with his thoughts.
***
“If it’s all the same to you, I don’t know what you see in the Resistance.”
Kylo came back, of course. He seemed more interested in talking to Poe than actually getting information out of him. Or maybe that was an alternate way of getting information out of him. Either way, Poe didn’t like it.
“Maybe if you didn’t kill people, we’d leave you alone.” Poe said.
“The General’s killed people,” Kylo said.
“That’s...different,” Poe said. “Mostly they were people who attacked first.”
“And then...” Kylo trailed off. He was alert, almost like he was sensing something. “And then she accuses you of being a murderer.”
“Get away from me,” Poe snapped. “So I took out a dreadnaught. A giant kriff-you battleship of hate, a kriffing fleet killer, and somehow I’m the monster for destroying it.”
He paused. He hadn’t expected to go on that rant.
“Not you. Never you. You’re on the short end, but you’re no monster.” Kylo said.
Poe couldn’t say he expected that.
“Did the General tell you that?” Kylo said. “She did, didn’t she?”
Silence. Poe couldn’t bear to say anymore.
Kylo’s voice was low. “So she took you, and abused you, and had the hypocrisy to blast you while no doubt praising her sainted brother.”
“She...” Poe swallowed. Was it abuse? Usually when people thought of abuse, they thought of big, hulking men looming over battered women and children. Not an old woman slapping a pilot who’d probably deserved it all and more for getting people killed.
“Poe...I want to show you something. If you wish.”
Poe swallowed. “Let’s get this over with.”
Kylo pulled away his tunic, and it was on his back that Poe saw the whip marks, the carved marks, and more. He wasn’t completely covered in scars on his back, but the fact of the matter was that Poe had seen Ben half-naked under better circumstances. At eighteen, more specifically, where he didn’t have those scars.
“Who the kriff did this to you?” Poe said, feeling a protective spark flare up in him despite himself. For Kylo and Ben. Whatever Kylo did, he didn’t deserve this.
“Snoke,” Kylo said. “He had a...creative variety of techniques for punishing me for my failure.”
“Dear stars.” And something in Poe welled up. White hot rage that threatened to go supernova, and he hoped that Snoke’s death had been slow and painful.
“The point is,” Kylo said, “I am not weak because I was hurt by him. And you are not less of a man. The General is less of a sentient being for everything she did to you. But you are not less of a man.”
He pulled his tunic back on. The scars were covered up again, and so were the marks of Kylo’s shame — at least the shame Snoke wanted him to feel, no doubt.
Poe didn’t really know what to say. He wished he did, actually. Now, though, he was left with the fact that Kylo could be kind as well as cruel. The people who were straightforwardly cruel were less scary; at least you knew what to expect.
The people who could give you whiplash with their actions were the ones you really needed to look out for.
***
Poe was asleep later, when Kylo came in to check on him. The bars were fundamentally unnecessary and Kylo regretted them, but Hux had insisted on them. Even watching Poe, he couldn’t help but feel a sudden tender pang that wasn’t the overwhelming rage he had come to expect.
He knew what to do with rage. He didn’t know what to do with softer emotions.
Did he squash them? Keep them? Turn them into rage? He had felt Poe’s reaction to his scars (Snoke could go back and forth between gentleness and cruelty), his anger...on his behalf. He hadn’t expected pity. It was unpleasant, and yet...welcome.
"We’ll have more to discuss tomorrow,” he said softly. Poe looked so much like an angel when he slept, which reminded Kylo of when he’d thought Poe was an angel, really.
But that was then, this was now. Let the past die...and yet Kylo doubted it was so simple.
Summary: Poe is recaptured, and he and Kylo share a twisted kinship.
Prompt: Crucifixion
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Call it me venting about the whole Holdo bullshit. Also warning for suicidal ideation and abuse mentions. Also went for the figurative on the crucifixion thing.
When it really crashed down on him, one of many things that occurred to Poe was that he was a murderer, or good as.
Rose said she didn’t blame him for Paige’s death. “She gave her life; she volunteered,” Rose had said, and Poe knew it was true. Jess had been furious with Holdo and Leia both, accusing Leia in particular of good as crapping on Paige Tico’s grave. Finn had apologized for not coming to his defense, saying that he hadn’t expected Leia to slap Poe...and Poe couldn’t even say he was mad.
In a way, he’d deserved it. He should have been dead instead of Paige. If not for worrying about the Resistance and who would fight Kylo Ren
Ben. So Leia had lied about what happened to him
Poe would have gone through with it.
***
When Kylo captured him again, there were notable changes to his environment. It wasn’t on the Finalizer, Kylo was maskless (the scar Rey gave him gleaming in a thin line on his cheek), and Hux’s troopers hadn’t beaten the stang out of him.
There was that.
“I didn’t expect to see you again,” the monster with Ben’s face said.
Silence.
“You’re hurting, aren’t you?”
“It’s none of your business.” And yet Poe knew that was a lie. He knew that he was good as exposed to Kylo, permission be damned. He could remember Ben complaining about how it occasionally felt like he couldn’t “turn off” people’s thoughts. Couldn’t even lower the volume.
It didn’t make him hate Kylo any less.
“Do you think I have a choice whether or not it’s my business?” Kylo said.
“You has every choice in the galaxy when you broke into my head.” A beat. “Kriff, Ben, but I can’t believe I...”
He trailed off. He couldn’t say it out loud. There were things even Resistance leaders had to keep hidden.
“If I can’t say it out loud for you, I want you to say it.”
“Fine. It doesn’t matter.” Poe took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for you.”
Silence. Then, “If it’s all the same to you, I’m confused too."
Kylo left. Poe was alone then, alone with his thoughts.
***
“If it’s all the same to you, I don’t know what you see in the Resistance.”
Kylo came back, of course. He seemed more interested in talking to Poe than actually getting information out of him. Or maybe that was an alternate way of getting information out of him. Either way, Poe didn’t like it.
“Maybe if you didn’t kill people, we’d leave you alone.” Poe said.
“The General’s killed people,” Kylo said.
“That’s...different,” Poe said. “Mostly they were people who attacked first.”
“And then...” Kylo trailed off. He was alert, almost like he was sensing something. “And then she accuses you of being a murderer.”
“Get away from me,” Poe snapped. “So I took out a dreadnaught. A giant kriff-you battleship of hate, a kriffing fleet killer, and somehow I’m the monster for destroying it.”
He paused. He hadn’t expected to go on that rant.
“Not you. Never you. You’re on the short end, but you’re no monster.” Kylo said.
Poe couldn’t say he expected that.
“Did the General tell you that?” Kylo said. “She did, didn’t she?”
Silence. Poe couldn’t bear to say anymore.
Kylo’s voice was low. “So she took you, and abused you, and had the hypocrisy to blast you while no doubt praising her sainted brother.”
“She...” Poe swallowed. Was it abuse? Usually when people thought of abuse, they thought of big, hulking men looming over battered women and children. Not an old woman slapping a pilot who’d probably deserved it all and more for getting people killed.
“Poe...I want to show you something. If you wish.”
Poe swallowed. “Let’s get this over with.”
Kylo pulled away his tunic, and it was on his back that Poe saw the whip marks, the carved marks, and more. He wasn’t completely covered in scars on his back, but the fact of the matter was that Poe had seen Ben half-naked under better circumstances. At eighteen, more specifically, where he didn’t have those scars.
“Who the kriff did this to you?” Poe said, feeling a protective spark flare up in him despite himself. For Kylo and Ben. Whatever Kylo did, he didn’t deserve this.
“Snoke,” Kylo said. “He had a...creative variety of techniques for punishing me for my failure.”
“Dear stars.” And something in Poe welled up. White hot rage that threatened to go supernova, and he hoped that Snoke’s death had been slow and painful.
“The point is,” Kylo said, “I am not weak because I was hurt by him. And you are not less of a man. The General is less of a sentient being for everything she did to you. But you are not less of a man.”
He pulled his tunic back on. The scars were covered up again, and so were the marks of Kylo’s shame — at least the shame Snoke wanted him to feel, no doubt.
Poe didn’t really know what to say. He wished he did, actually. Now, though, he was left with the fact that Kylo could be kind as well as cruel. The people who were straightforwardly cruel were less scary; at least you knew what to expect.
The people who could give you whiplash with their actions were the ones you really needed to look out for.
***
Poe was asleep later, when Kylo came in to check on him. The bars were fundamentally unnecessary and Kylo regretted them, but Hux had insisted on them. Even watching Poe, he couldn’t help but feel a sudden tender pang that wasn’t the overwhelming rage he had come to expect.
He knew what to do with rage. He didn’t know what to do with softer emotions.
Did he squash them? Keep them? Turn them into rage? He had felt Poe’s reaction to his scars (Snoke could go back and forth between gentleness and cruelty), his anger...on his behalf. He hadn’t expected pity. It was unpleasant, and yet...welcome.
"We’ll have more to discuss tomorrow,” he said softly. Poe looked so much like an angel when he slept, which reminded Kylo of when he’d thought Poe was an angel, really.
But that was then, this was now. Let the past die...and yet Kylo doubted it was so simple.
