For allbingo
Dec. 10th, 2017 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Whoever We Want To Be
Summary: Rey and Ben’s relationship begins to heal.
Prompt: Enemies/rivals become friends/lovers
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
She doesn’t forgive him, and yet it doesn’t mean that she can’t be grateful, at least, for what he’s done. He saved her life, and she has to say that in the end, she truly didn’t expect something like that to happen. Something like that does not happen every day.
It doesn’t quite make up for his other atrocities, but it’s a start.
Right now, Rey’s recovering more memories. She doesn’t know quite what to make of them, of training with Ben, of having friends, a sort of family that she didn’t even know about. And her mother took her away from that...
Rey doesn’t know how to take this in. Isn’t sure if she’s Rey, if she’s Jaina, if she’s somewhere in between. She’s talked to Finn about it, and Poe, but this is different. She has to speak with her cousin.
He’s still in medbay, currently working on something on a datapad. He looks up at her, and there’s something in those eyes, that expression, that suggests that he’s genuinely happy to see her. “You’re back.”
“I guess I am,” Rey says. She can only conclude that the definition of insanity is trying to get something that was good as out of reach. Some say it’s doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Rey knows better. She’s had brushes with that sort of insanity too, on Jakku, doing the same thing (waiting and dreaming for her family to come back) and expecting a different result (for her family to come back), but nothing close to this. Maybe she is insane, by that definition. Half-insane. Expecting a different result through repetition.
She doesn’t know what that exactly says about her.
She sits down comfortably in one of the chairs. Well, not quite comfortably. She’s still adjusting to talking to the former Kylo Ren like an equal, actually. She’s still coping with that very idea.
“How are you?” she says.
“Never better,” Ben says, and Rey can’t help but notice how bizarre it is that the former Kylo Ren essentially cracked a joke. She’s used to him being angry, bitter, cruel, with occasional moments of softness in between. She doesn’t know how to take him cracking a joke. She’s certain that that’s some sort of bizarreness that hasn’t been fully analyzed yet.
“Really,” she says, “How are you?”
“It’s terribly boring in here,” Ben says. “Not much to do. But it’s more pleasant than First Order medbays, I’ll say that much.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“What about you, Jaina? You’re not just here to ask me how I’m doing, are you?”
“No. I have more questions.”
“I should have known.”
“There was a memory that I had on Ach-To. About Snoke. He actually taught me how to read others’ minds...”
“He did,” Ben says. “He taught both of us. He actually saw both of us as strong in the Force. When you resisted my probing, I had a feeling it was familiar, but I thought I was chasing a ghost.”
“Did you?”
“Yes. Everything about you — I thought it was a coincidence. That you couldn’t possibly be Jaina Skywalker. It wasn’t until you summoned Grandfather’s lightsaber that I realized who you were.” There’s something in his voice that’s soft, all but trembling with emotion. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
“I’m here,” Rey says. “And I’m fine.” What happened to her isn’t fine, but she is fine.
“I didn’t really tell you everything about how I looked for you.”
“No.”
“Well,” Ben says, “Getting to Jakku was far from easy. And wandering about there was far from easy either. I was actually picked up by one of Poe Dameron’s squad; otherwise, I would have surely died of dehydration. Your father said that you were with Aaron and Zara, that you were safe.”
“I was,” Rey says. “For a time. They died when I was thirteen. That was when Unkar Plutt...took me in.” Even saying those words leaves a bad taste in her mouth. Unkar may have been her guardian, but he was no father to her.
“If I could have, I would have rescued you. If I’d known.”
Rey is quiet. She doesn’t know if that would have been a good thing. She would have been with her family, but what a high price to pay for having a family!
“I had my share of adventures on Jakku,” she says.
“Did you?”
“I did.” She isn’t sure if she’s ready to talk about them, but even so...maybe one day. One day.
There is silence. Then Rey says, “Who are we?” It’s a question she hasn’t thought of asking Ben Solo, but he’s the closest to what it feels like to have two names, being between two states. The name you were given at birth and the name you were given for your protection, the name you were given and the name you took.
Ben looks at her. “We’re above any absolutes, I know that much.”
“We are.” But names...names are difficult.
“Perhaps we are who we want to be."
Rey smiles a bit. “Yeah,” she says. “We are.”
Even later, leaving medbay, Rey knows that they’re not the best of friends. But their relationship is healing, piece by piece, bit by bit. And that...that is what matters most.
Summary: Rey and Ben’s relationship begins to heal.
Prompt: Enemies/rivals become friends/lovers
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
She doesn’t forgive him, and yet it doesn’t mean that she can’t be grateful, at least, for what he’s done. He saved her life, and she has to say that in the end, she truly didn’t expect something like that to happen. Something like that does not happen every day.
It doesn’t quite make up for his other atrocities, but it’s a start.
Right now, Rey’s recovering more memories. She doesn’t know quite what to make of them, of training with Ben, of having friends, a sort of family that she didn’t even know about. And her mother took her away from that...
Rey doesn’t know how to take this in. Isn’t sure if she’s Rey, if she’s Jaina, if she’s somewhere in between. She’s talked to Finn about it, and Poe, but this is different. She has to speak with her cousin.
He’s still in medbay, currently working on something on a datapad. He looks up at her, and there’s something in those eyes, that expression, that suggests that he’s genuinely happy to see her. “You’re back.”
“I guess I am,” Rey says. She can only conclude that the definition of insanity is trying to get something that was good as out of reach. Some say it’s doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Rey knows better. She’s had brushes with that sort of insanity too, on Jakku, doing the same thing (waiting and dreaming for her family to come back) and expecting a different result (for her family to come back), but nothing close to this. Maybe she is insane, by that definition. Half-insane. Expecting a different result through repetition.
She doesn’t know what that exactly says about her.
She sits down comfortably in one of the chairs. Well, not quite comfortably. She’s still adjusting to talking to the former Kylo Ren like an equal, actually. She’s still coping with that very idea.
“How are you?” she says.
“Never better,” Ben says, and Rey can’t help but notice how bizarre it is that the former Kylo Ren essentially cracked a joke. She’s used to him being angry, bitter, cruel, with occasional moments of softness in between. She doesn’t know how to take him cracking a joke. She’s certain that that’s some sort of bizarreness that hasn’t been fully analyzed yet.
“Really,” she says, “How are you?”
“It’s terribly boring in here,” Ben says. “Not much to do. But it’s more pleasant than First Order medbays, I’ll say that much.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“What about you, Jaina? You’re not just here to ask me how I’m doing, are you?”
“No. I have more questions.”
“I should have known.”
“There was a memory that I had on Ach-To. About Snoke. He actually taught me how to read others’ minds...”
“He did,” Ben says. “He taught both of us. He actually saw both of us as strong in the Force. When you resisted my probing, I had a feeling it was familiar, but I thought I was chasing a ghost.”
“Did you?”
“Yes. Everything about you — I thought it was a coincidence. That you couldn’t possibly be Jaina Skywalker. It wasn’t until you summoned Grandfather’s lightsaber that I realized who you were.” There’s something in his voice that’s soft, all but trembling with emotion. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
“I’m here,” Rey says. “And I’m fine.” What happened to her isn’t fine, but she is fine.
“I didn’t really tell you everything about how I looked for you.”
“No.”
“Well,” Ben says, “Getting to Jakku was far from easy. And wandering about there was far from easy either. I was actually picked up by one of Poe Dameron’s squad; otherwise, I would have surely died of dehydration. Your father said that you were with Aaron and Zara, that you were safe.”
“I was,” Rey says. “For a time. They died when I was thirteen. That was when Unkar Plutt...took me in.” Even saying those words leaves a bad taste in her mouth. Unkar may have been her guardian, but he was no father to her.
“If I could have, I would have rescued you. If I’d known.”
Rey is quiet. She doesn’t know if that would have been a good thing. She would have been with her family, but what a high price to pay for having a family!
“I had my share of adventures on Jakku,” she says.
“Did you?”
“I did.” She isn’t sure if she’s ready to talk about them, but even so...maybe one day. One day.
There is silence. Then Rey says, “Who are we?” It’s a question she hasn’t thought of asking Ben Solo, but he’s the closest to what it feels like to have two names, being between two states. The name you were given at birth and the name you were given for your protection, the name you were given and the name you took.
Ben looks at her. “We’re above any absolutes, I know that much.”
“We are.” But names...names are difficult.
“Perhaps we are who we want to be."
Rey smiles a bit. “Yeah,” she says. “We are.”
Even later, leaving medbay, Rey knows that they’re not the best of friends. But their relationship is healing, piece by piece, bit by bit. And that...that is what matters most.
