Chapter Thirty Nine: Blood and Ashes
Feb. 19th, 2017 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianDisclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: I'm going to be honest, Ben's mental breakdown after getting cut by Narudar wasn't planned -- it just suddenly happened. Oh, Ben. *Hugs* I really need to do something nice for you, I swear to God. Poe too, actually. Also, the last name "Adare" is definitely a KOTOR II shout-out -- Terena Adare was awesome in K2 (one of my favorite things about K2 was the sheer amount of strong female characters. K1 as well, with Bastila, etc.) and I'd like to think her descendants are around still being awesome.
Dantooine could not have seemed more empty.
Even as they disembarked from the ship, Ben could feel the sheer emptiness of the planet, the sheer isolation, as if there was something about it lost to ancient history. He knew back in the Old Republic era, it was a place for one of the most famous Jedi Enclaves. Before Darth Malak had destroyed it, of course, and before later on, Palpatine had raided it during Order 66.
He looked through the lonely sky, reached out through the Force, trying to find any sign, any at all of Narudar. Through him, they could end the war. Finding Lisaris, and finding whoever this Snoke was and capturing them both before they could do more harm. Preferably with maximum security.
“Can you feel anything?” Poe’s voice. Something that felt almost grounding in this sea of melancholy, this sea of I-shouldn’t-even-be-here.
“Not yet.” Ben sighed. “This whole planet...who would want to hide out here?”
“It’s not too bad,” Poe said. “I mean, the trees are nice.”
“The trees are nice?” Ben said wryly.
“Well, and it’s got a nice view.”
“I don’t know.” Ben rubbed his temples. “It just seems like such a...sad planet. Like the whole planet is just swimming in that sadness.”
“You can feel it?”
Ben nodded. “It’s like we shouldn’t be here. If we weren’t going to find Narudar...”
“I feel it too.” Annie, this time. “So that’s the planet that Palpatine raided during Order 66?”
“And that Malak bombed during the Jedi Civil War,” Ben said. “No sign of Narudar. He could be hiding somewhere else completely for all we know.”
“We could always ask around,” Poe said. “ ‘Excuse me, have you seen a homicidal sonuvaHutt who destroys cities for the stang of it?’”
His voice was light, but Ben could sense the anger in him, the sort of anger that threatened to boil over, and he reached out, tentatively, towards Poe’s hand. Poe took it.
“I didn’t scare you, did I?”
“No,” Ben said. And it would be hypocritical for me to be scared anyway. After all, I’m bad in the anger department as well. “I want to stop him too. Believe me. He’s a monster. And the sooner that we get him back behind bars, the better.”
“Preferably maximum security.”
“Yeah.”
They did ask around, with the new leader of the Dantooine government, Molly Adare. A strict woman in her late thirties, Molly seemed harried, but then again, Ben thought, if one had to deal with some of the things that she had to deal with most likely, including a Mandalorian terrorist hiding on her planet...well, it was a miracle that she wasn’t more harried, actually.
“I don’t know if Narudar is here,” she said, “But I’ve heard reports of the old Jedi Enclave being raided. Mostly for old artifacts. A lot of the militia’s been killed coming down there, so be careful. You better keep your weapons at the ready.”
“Figured that,” Ben said. “Thank you, Administrator. If we find anything about whoever’s been hoarding the artifacts, we’ll let you know.”
Even heading down to the Enclave, there was something about it where, looking at it, it felt like arriving on a chapter of ancient history that had been long been closed. And yet there was also something awe-inspiring about it -- this was their history, their ancient history, their heritage. Part of their heritage, the fabric of who they were.
And then Ben saw the bodies. Bodies that looked as if they had been slashed with a lightsaber. One had their eyes open as if in shock -- whoever they had expected among Vader’s crew in trashing the Dantooine temple had apparently been a terrible betrayal, something that they didn’t expect.
Ben knelt beside the corpse and, gently, closed their eyes. He stood up. He could already feel the emptiness of the Enclave radiating off it. As if it were some sort of energy, some sort of character all its own.
“So that’s what happened?” Poe sounded disbelieving, disgusted. “Vader...I mean, I knew that he was an evil bastard, but it’s another thing to see it.”
“I know.” The bodies looking up at them seemed to be frozen in shock, betrayal. Some bore blaster wounds -- clone troopers, no doubt. Stepping over them, Ben wondered why no one had come around to burying them properly.
They deserved that much, really.
When they got back, perhaps, they could find a way to see to them properly.
They headed into the Enclave, and Ben could feel him. He went still, reaching through the Force, and he could sense Narudar, in one of the old rooms where those on Dantooine likely took refuge from Malak before the Enclave was bombed, as if he was...
Waiting. As if he was waiting for this the whole time.
“Ben.” Poe’s voice. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Narudar.” Ben said. “I can feel him. And I think he’s ready for us.”
“Ready?” Jess said.
“He’s...pleased to see us,” Ben said. “He hasn’t had a challenge like this in a long time.”
“A challenge?” Snap said. “Is that what he calls firing on innocent people?”
“I think so.” Ben swallowed. Even thinking about it in those terms was repulsive. “It’s why he joined the Knights of Ren -- ’’
“Who exactly is Ren, anyway?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said. “The leader of the Knights, I assume.”
“Right,” Snap said, dryly. “Stupid question.”
“I’m just wondering who calls themselves Ren.”
“Maybe it’s the Supreme Leader’s last name?” Poe said. “Snoke Ren. Maybe that’s why he decided to try and take over the galaxy...or whatever he wants to do.”
“Would make sense, weirdly enough.” Ben sighed. “Unless Ren is the Supreme Leader’s second-in-command, as it were.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe Narudar can give us some answers.”
They continued down the hall. The door where Narudar was...
The door was already open. Even continuing down the hall, looking about the closed doors, testaments to what once was, the open door on the far left called Ben’s attention. He could sense the arrogance flowing from it, the confidence, the excitement, as if this was a new, exciting game.
In the doorway, the Mandalorian in strange, shiny black armor looked over the group. He responded to Poe first.
“Poe Dameron,” said Narudar. “An honor to meet you. That was quite the impressive amount of flying that you did back there. I had no idea that I would be facing the best pilot in the Republic fleet back there when we first went into battle, but it is an honor.”
Poe tensed next to Ben, and Ben could feel Poe’s thoughts all but colliding into him like an out of control speeder. Bastard -- bastard thinks this is some sort of game -- bastard thinks this is a contest -- would rather cry on a Hutt’s shoulder than have him call me a worthy opponent --
“Leave him alone,” Ben said.
Narudar at least seemed to be distracted from Poe long enough to look at Ben.
“You are Jedi Solo,” Narudar said.
“I am.”
“Lisaris spoke of you. Said you were quite something all right. Can’t say I’ve fought a Jedi before, so...” A bright blue sort of glow surrounded Narudar even as the latter activated his energy shield. “This should be fun.”
Fun. Like this was a game, and no one’s lives had been destroyed by all this. Ben could already feel the fury all but building in his chest, in his eyelids, and he lashed out with the Force, sending Narudar across the room. He turned towards Poe. “You have anything sharp I can use? I have a feeling this isn’t going to help anything.”
Poe tossed him a vibroblade. Ben deactivated his lightsaber, then took the vibroblade and headed towards Narudar, charging at him. They fought, furiously, a nick across Ben’s shoulder making him wince in pain, but pain was irrelevant, pain was a weakness, and he pounded his shoulder, trying to remind himself of the pain. Can’t give up can’t give in can’t let one stupid drop of blood one stupid cut get in the way of things can’t --
“You’re a tough one,” said Narudar. “I’ll say that.”
Ben shuddered. Even the idea of a compliment from this monster was enough to make his skin crawl. “I’ve practiced.”
“I can see that. You are a worthy opponent, Jedi Solo. Can’t say that I’ve come across those in my lifetime. Pretty lonely lifetime.”
“And that’s why you’ve done this?” Ben said. “Because you were bored?”
“You never felt held back in your life, Jedi?”
That hit too close to home. Ben fought again, harder, harsher, vibroblades scraping against one another and drawing sparks. Ben kicked --
-- and knocked the vibroblade from Narudar’s hand.
Ben held out his hand and froze Narudar in stasis.
He walked out of the room, feeling like his shoulder had opened up again and started bleeding. Damn you. Weak Jedi. Weak. Poe and Annie ran towards him, both of them in shock.
“Ben,” Annie began, “You’re bleeding.”
“It’s nothing,” Ben insisted. weak not quick enough rusty.
“Ben, you’ve got to put something on it.” Poe’s voice was gentle, tender. “It doesn’t look like nothing from what I can see.”
Ben took the medpac from Poe before activating it, letting the bacta flow into his bleeding shoulder. The pain stopped, at least. Poe handed him some bandages as well, and Ben wrapped them around his shoulder if only to stop the bleeding. Force, he was tired. It was as if what he’d tried to pass off as a minor injury was starting to tire him -- what kind of Jedi was he anyhow?
And in the haze of that injury, the old, nasty thoughts came back.
stupid lazy not good enough couldn’t save your friend
He stamped down on those thoughts. It wasn’t like that at all. He wasn’t quick enough but...
useless nothing not a pilot like your father not a politician like your mother stupid lost your mother deserved better than someone as nothing as you --
“Ben?” Poe’s voice jarred him out of his thoughts. Out of the barrage of self-loathing that seemed as intertwined with failure as the Force was with him. Mediocre Jedi. Nothing really. You may be a mixture of the Force but it doesn't mean you’re strong enough...
“I’m fine,” Ben said. “Just...tired is all.” Weak. Foolish. No room for weakness.
“Yeah. I can see that. And Narudar?”
“We’re not going to kill him,” Ben said. But it doesn’t mean he can expect us to go easy on him either.
“Right,” Poe said. “Got it.” He was so rigid in that moment, and Ben wished that there was some way, any way at all, to get him to stop.
He turned to Annie, sent her a quick, questioning look. She nodded. “I’ll take care of Narudar.” Then, “Is Poe all right? He seems angry.”
“He just needs some time to breathe a little,” Ben said.
Poe nodded. “Breathe. Yeah.” His voice sounded clipped, short.
Annie nodded. “We’ll watch Narudar. I don’t think he’s in danger of waking up yet anyway.”
“Is Poe doing all right?” Jessika Pava, this time.
Ben nodded. “Is it okay if I talk with him?”
“Not like there’s a law against it,” Jessika said. “We’ll watch the sonuvaHutt like a rancor.”
“Thank you.”
Ben and Poe walked out of earshot just then. Poe said, “Are you really going to start laying into me just because I -- ’’
“No,” Ben said. “And I’m not going to start lecturing you. I’d look like a hypocrite if I did, and the last thing you need is a hypocrite telling you what to do. I just don’t want you to be upset.”
“How can you not -- ’’
“Poe. I know.”
He placed his hand on Poe’s chest, feeling Poe’s heart all but speeding up underneath. Poe’s chest, he realized, was small next to his own hand. Poe was slender and slight but strong, Ben was tall and muscular.
“Of course I’m upset,” Ben said. “I just don’t want him getting to you. Saying all these things like you being...” He trailed off. “You get what I mean.”
Poe seemed to relax a little. Instead of being angry, he just looked exhausted, a man who was in danger of having his light extinguished. It was uncharacteristic of Poe, Poe, usually bright and optimistic and witty. Then again, considering what he had seen...
“That was the worst,” he said. “I don’t want to be considered anything like that...that murderer. Or anyone he thinks is...accomplished.”
“And you’re not.”
“I know. And yet sometimes -- ’’
“You did them because you had to. Narudar did it for pleasure. You know...you know that old quote from Admiral Onasi about warriors vs. soldiers? You’re a soldier, Poe. Don’t even think on what he said for one minute. You’re worth so much more of that monster.” Ben ran a hand along the side of Poe’s face, and Poe relaxed into the touch. His anger seemed to have softened for the moment, replaced by exhaustion -- someone who had been at war for too long and seen too much.
Oh, Poe. How could anyone even think of making Poe’s light go out? It only made Ben hate this war all the more. The war that never seemed to end. The war that never seemed to stop. Would this be raging until they were in their fifties or so? Ben shuddered to think about it.
“I love you,” Ben said. “Let me help you, Poe. Please.”
“You’re helping me already.” And let me help you, the silent request was, in those earnest brown eyes. Let me save you.
Never mind that he was fine, that he didn’t need saving, that everything was all right. So some of his powers were...ambiguous. To end the war, he knew full well that he would do anything.
“That’s good. How do you feel?”
“A little better. I’m not looking forward to anything else that sonuvaHutt wants to say, though.”
“Same here.” Ben put an arm around Poe’s shoulders. “Whatever happens, if he tries to goad you, we’ll be there. I promise.”
“I know.”
“Let’s go see him.”
“Yeah.” Poe grimaced. “Why not?”
