Chapter Eleven: Reflections On The Past
Dec. 11th, 2013 11:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianIn which Padme and Sabe tell Mara about her father. Well, half the truth, at the very least.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: This was actually a chapter that I kind of sort of struggled with, mostly in regards to if Padme should tell Mara everything, or do what Obi-Wan did in canon and tell...half the truth, shall we say. (And even that's a goddamn understatement. I'm sort of adjusting a bit more to Ben lying to Luke, but I'm not entirely happy with it. I mean, maybe it was kind of him trying to sort of cope with Vader's fall in his own way -- such as his comment about the good man that Anakin was being destroyed when he became Vader, and like a lot of good lies, there's a grain of truth in it; Anakin really did metaphorically die when he pledged himself to Sidious -- but still... Then again, I doubt Lucas really intended us to really agree with Ben. After all, it was really Luke showing compassion to Vader that saved the day in the end, not just killing Vader and the Emperor. A pretty damn good lesson, I think, and pretty damn awesome for the time)
I figured here that Padme would tell half the truth, really. Just to not break Mara's heart, even though it would no doubt break Mara's heart in the long run.
Also, yes, Sabe's alias is partially an Actor Allusion -- "Elizabeth" is the name of the character that Keira Knightley played in Pirates of the Carribbean. I haven't seen all the Pirates movies (I think I saw the first one at a friends' house), but they definitely sound fantastic. And Nerus...yeah, I took the name "Nerys" (think Kira Nerys in Deep Space Nine) and changed a vowel. Yeah, I know.
Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. :)
There was something about Lady Nemo and Elizabeth Nerus’ house that was bizarrely cozy, Mara thought, even though there was a sort of lonely feel to it. All these old trophies lying around, no doubt testaments to what had happened in days past – back in the times before the Jedi. Mara had heard many things about the Jedi, from them being defenders of the peace to them being tyrants and monsters who kidnapped children from their homes and turned them into soldiers, and that Terminus was dispensing justice by storming their Temple and killing everyone in sight (even some instances where people said that he’d tried to get the Jedi to surrender first, and they’d just brought this on themselves by refusing to surrender), but she had never really heard the truth about them. The truth seemed to really be nothing more than just some sort of illusion, really. Even turning to look at Lady Nemo and Elizabeth Nerus, Mara wondered if she would ever truly know the truth about what had happened the night that the Empire was born.
There was something about Lady Nemo, Mara thought, that was almost comforting, in a sense – she had a very kind face, and though she was now old, it was still beautiful. A sort of classic beauty frozen in time, dark hair falling in waves around her face, streaked with gray, and painfully expressive brown eyes. From the way they looked, Mara thought, it seemed almost as if she had been to the Corellian hells and back. Yet there was a sort of kindness in them, a kindness that, even in spite of herself, she found herself growing steadily more comfortable with.
She couldn’t really describe it, but there was something about Lady Nemo’s presence that made Mara feel if only oddly at peace.
Elizabeth Nerus had the same sort of feel – the gentle, kind, serious face, although there was more of a sense of fire to it. The way that her dark hair, now graying, fell down her back, contrasting with her red robes, almost reminded Mara of the sun goddess that Beru had told her stories about when she was just a small child. The woman who controlled the rising of the twin suns every morning. In a way, Mara thought, she seemed so very familiar. Almost, she thought, like the woman she had seen in her dreams.
And more than that, it was a strange sense of belonging here, really. Almost as if it felt…right.
“It really is good to see you.” Ben’s voice cut through after a long while. “Both of you. I can’t really say that it’s under the best of circumstances. After all…” He bit his lip. “We’re going to need to get home in time to deliver the Death Star plans. And,” he said, “I can only fear for the safety of our crew that had to be left behind when we ran to the escape pods.”
“You did the right thing,” Lady Nemo said if only gently. “After all, if you hadn’t, the Death Star plans would have been in the hands of the Empire.”
“That doesn’t necessarily make it any better.”
It was then that Lady Nemo turned towards Padme. “I understand you’re probably very confused,” she said.
Mara laughed. “More than a bit, really.” She then faltered. “Who are you? How does Ben know you, the both of you? And really…what do I have to do with any of this?”
Lady Nemo took a deep breath. She looked, if nothing else, heavily burdened by what she was about to say. “We always knew that the day would come,” she said. “The question was whether or not you would be ready for it.” A beat. “The both of you, actually. Ben had already accepted his role, but we didn’t know about you.”
Mara nodded. She was still confused, but at the very least, she was getting at least somewhere. “All right,” she said, “Please, explain it to me. Because I’m really confused.”
“What did Owen and Beru tell you about your father?”
That, Mara thought, she didn’t expect. “Well,” she said, “He was a navigator on a spice freighter. Died in some unfortunate accident, and so they had to raise me in his stead. Can’t say they told me what happened to my mother.”
She could swear that there was a flash of sadness that came across Elizabeth Nerus’ face. Even looking at her, Mara felt almost uncomfortable – she looked so very haunted, so very sad, to the point that even looking at her made Mara wish she hadn’t said anything.
Lady Nemo seemed almost baffled at that moment, but that disappeared as quickly as it came. “I told Owen and Beru to tell you the truth when you were older,” she said, “But…” She ran a hand across her temples, rubbing them if only blearily. “They didn’t, did they?”
“No,” Mara said. Even now, she couldn’t help but be confused. “Also,” she said, “You’re not making sense. What do you mean ‘tell you the truth when you were older’?”
“Your father wasn’t a navigator on a spice freighter,” Lady Nemo said. “He was a Jedi Master – my master.”
Mara couldn’t help but laugh. “You…you’re kidding.” My dad, a Jedi? Even that didn’t make any sense.
A faint, almost nostalgic smile came over Lady Nemo’s face. “Yes,” she said. “And he fought in the Clone Wars. We all did, in fact.” She grew more serious. “We lost many good people in the war,” she said. “People with their lives ahead of them, people with families, people with futures. There were people who tried to call off the war, to make it stop, but they weren’t listened to. And I think it might have been to their undoing. Because that…that was how the Empire got started.”
Mara faltered in that moment, trying to picture it. The wars, breaking out, spreading across the galaxy, getting worse day after day after day. Felling multiple people who didn’t even need to die. She had heard, at least, in the texts of the Empire, the texts that recounted the matter of the Clone Wars, that it was a just war against the “traitors” attempting to break away from the Republic. Even picturing it, she couldn’t help but wonder – had the Empire started out with good intentions at first before becoming corrupt, or did they, pure and simply, just deceive everyone into thinking that they had good intentions?
“And when the war was finally over,” Lady Nemo said, “It wasn’t, really. A young man known as Darth Terminus, grief-stricken from what had happened in the war including the loss of a dear friend of his, my own student, and desiring to restore some semblance of order, some semblance of sanity – he joined the Emperor if only to hunt down every Jedi that there ever was. Your father was one of his first victims, unfortunately.”
Even as she said it, Mara thought, she seemed to have been pulling teeth. Almost as if she was forcibly extracting them. Mara couldn’t say that she blamed her. After all, the idea of your Master, someone close to you, being murdered by a man who seemed to somehow think that he was doing the right thing…
Even thinking about it, Mara felt a sudden wave of nausea. “I…I need a moment,” she said. Even the inside of her mouth tasted like acid. “Just for a bit.”
“The fresher’s that way.” Lady Nemo’s voice was gentle, soft. “Take as long as you need.”
Mara smiled if only faintly. “Thanks.”
She headed towards the fresher in that moment, allowing herself to vomit into it, emptying the contents of her stomach. Just the very idea of it, the very idea of Terminus doing this, all this, just because he thought that he had some semblance of order in mind…
It was after a long while that Mara stood up, wiping her mouth, before realizing that there were tears falling from her eyes as well. She took a deep breath, trying if only vainly to steady herself. It’s going to be all right. And yet at the same time, she couldn’t really believe it. Because her father –
Why had Owen and Beru lied to her? To protect her somehow from Terminus? To protect her from being hurt somehow? She couldn’t even say, really. Not really. To protect her from the fact that her father had been murdered by some godsdamned madman?
Just calm down. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.
She returned to the room now, where bits of conversation were drifting in. “…how can I even tell her, Sabe? I mean, how can she even live with that burden?”
Sabe. So that woman in the dreams…she was Elizabeth Nerus. No wonder Mara kept dreaming about her. It seemed that everything in that dream seemed designed to lead her up to this point.
Learning that her father hadn’t died on a spice freighter, and that Owen and Beru had lied to her…for what reason? To coddle her? To protect her? Because they somehow wanted to erase her father entirely from their memories?
No. They probably were just trying to protect you. Just calm down. Mara took a few deep breaths now, forcing herself to be calm.
Lady Nemo looked up at her now. “Are you all right?”
“A bit better.” Mara sat down in her previous seat. “So you basically just called me out there to avenge my father’s death?”
“No.” Lady Nemo said if only softly. “A Jedi doesn’t seek revenge. It was definitely how Terminus got started – one of many ways he was made into the man you know now.” A beat. “We wanted you to take on your father’s mantle when you were old enough. I have a feeling he would have wanted you to have this.”
She and Elizabeth Nerus stood up. Lady Nemo then fished a box from the nearest shelf, handing it to Mara. Mara looked over it before opening it. Inside was a long, slim sort of handle, gleaming silver, almost simple, she thought, in terms of design. It was activating it that she nearly dropped it if only in shock – it was a good thing that the plasma blade didn’t necessarily hurt anyone by mistake. Still, there was something about it, even as she moved it around experimentally, that felt oddly right in her hands, almost as if it was made for her.
Lady Nemo smiled. “You’re going to have to be careful,” she said, “I know that there have been cases of people who have accidentally damaged things,” and at this she became more serious, “Thanks to not being careful.”
“Right.” Mara deactivated the lightsaber, hooked it to her belt. “Honestly,” she said, “This is all so strange to me.”
“Understandable,” Lady Nemo said.
“So,” Mara said, “You want me to basically go to Alderaan to fight the Empire? Full-time, not just as being an escort?”
“It’s about time you went to Alderaan,” Lady Nemo said.
“I mean, I want to,” Mara said. “I want to go out and do something about the Empire, but Mom and Dad need me, more than ever.” She sighed. “Harvest season’s coming up and that’s when they need me the most. The farm takes a lot of looking after. And I don’t know – running away just seems almost irresponsible.”
It was then that Lady Nemo placed a hand on Mara’s shoulder. “Just do whatever you feel is right,” she said. “You’ll be ready in time. And I believe that Owen and Beru will see it as well.”
Mara took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said. She took a deep breath. “I better get home and explain things to them first,” she said, “I mean, they’re probably panicking like crazy.”
“Yes,” Lady Nemo said. “You probably should.”
“Just one last question,” Mara said, “This is for…his benefit.” She gestured towards C-3PO. “He’s…well, he’s more than a bit confused about the matter of Ar-Too’s mission. Can you help him?”
The way that Lady Nemo looked, it was almost sad and yet…somehow happy at the same time. Almost as if she had found an old friend. And there was something in Mara that couldn’t help but wonder how she could possibly be that lonely, and what had happened to her – she already had a feeling that the matter of Terminus was just a sample of the story. And yet even thinking about it was enough to make Mara’s heart hurt. None of this should have happened. No one should have had to suffer what the Empire had put them through. The Empire should have never come to power. Mara already knew that the Empire was a pack, to say the least, of complete and utter bastards worth less than the slime under a Hutt’s tail. She hadn’t expected something like this.
Lady Nemo took a deep breath. “Well,” she said, “The Rebellion’s been losing the war for quite a while now. For all we’ve fought, the Empire is stronger – their fleet, for example, is more equipped than ours, and they have some of the most powerful fighters on their side. Add in their newest weapon, the Death Star, and realistically, we have no chance against them. I can only pray that the Death Star plans give us that chance should we reach Alderaan.”
“I certainly hope so too, Lady Nemo,” C-3PO said.
And Mara, even listening, couldn’t disagree.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: This was actually a chapter that I kind of sort of struggled with, mostly in regards to if Padme should tell Mara everything, or do what Obi-Wan did in canon and tell...half the truth, shall we say. (And even that's a goddamn understatement. I'm sort of adjusting a bit more to Ben lying to Luke, but I'm not entirely happy with it. I mean, maybe it was kind of him trying to sort of cope with Vader's fall in his own way -- such as his comment about the good man that Anakin was being destroyed when he became Vader, and like a lot of good lies, there's a grain of truth in it; Anakin really did metaphorically die when he pledged himself to Sidious -- but still... Then again, I doubt Lucas really intended us to really agree with Ben. After all, it was really Luke showing compassion to Vader that saved the day in the end, not just killing Vader and the Emperor. A pretty damn good lesson, I think, and pretty damn awesome for the time)
I figured here that Padme would tell half the truth, really. Just to not break Mara's heart, even though it would no doubt break Mara's heart in the long run.
Also, yes, Sabe's alias is partially an Actor Allusion -- "Elizabeth" is the name of the character that Keira Knightley played in Pirates of the Carribbean. I haven't seen all the Pirates movies (I think I saw the first one at a friends' house), but they definitely sound fantastic. And Nerus...yeah, I took the name "Nerys" (think Kira Nerys in Deep Space Nine) and changed a vowel. Yeah, I know.
Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. :)
There was something about Lady Nemo and Elizabeth Nerus’ house that was bizarrely cozy, Mara thought, even though there was a sort of lonely feel to it. All these old trophies lying around, no doubt testaments to what had happened in days past – back in the times before the Jedi. Mara had heard many things about the Jedi, from them being defenders of the peace to them being tyrants and monsters who kidnapped children from their homes and turned them into soldiers, and that Terminus was dispensing justice by storming their Temple and killing everyone in sight (even some instances where people said that he’d tried to get the Jedi to surrender first, and they’d just brought this on themselves by refusing to surrender), but she had never really heard the truth about them. The truth seemed to really be nothing more than just some sort of illusion, really. Even turning to look at Lady Nemo and Elizabeth Nerus, Mara wondered if she would ever truly know the truth about what had happened the night that the Empire was born.
There was something about Lady Nemo, Mara thought, that was almost comforting, in a sense – she had a very kind face, and though she was now old, it was still beautiful. A sort of classic beauty frozen in time, dark hair falling in waves around her face, streaked with gray, and painfully expressive brown eyes. From the way they looked, Mara thought, it seemed almost as if she had been to the Corellian hells and back. Yet there was a sort of kindness in them, a kindness that, even in spite of herself, she found herself growing steadily more comfortable with.
She couldn’t really describe it, but there was something about Lady Nemo’s presence that made Mara feel if only oddly at peace.
Elizabeth Nerus had the same sort of feel – the gentle, kind, serious face, although there was more of a sense of fire to it. The way that her dark hair, now graying, fell down her back, contrasting with her red robes, almost reminded Mara of the sun goddess that Beru had told her stories about when she was just a small child. The woman who controlled the rising of the twin suns every morning. In a way, Mara thought, she seemed so very familiar. Almost, she thought, like the woman she had seen in her dreams.
And more than that, it was a strange sense of belonging here, really. Almost as if it felt…right.
“It really is good to see you.” Ben’s voice cut through after a long while. “Both of you. I can’t really say that it’s under the best of circumstances. After all…” He bit his lip. “We’re going to need to get home in time to deliver the Death Star plans. And,” he said, “I can only fear for the safety of our crew that had to be left behind when we ran to the escape pods.”
“You did the right thing,” Lady Nemo said if only gently. “After all, if you hadn’t, the Death Star plans would have been in the hands of the Empire.”
“That doesn’t necessarily make it any better.”
It was then that Lady Nemo turned towards Padme. “I understand you’re probably very confused,” she said.
Mara laughed. “More than a bit, really.” She then faltered. “Who are you? How does Ben know you, the both of you? And really…what do I have to do with any of this?”
Lady Nemo took a deep breath. She looked, if nothing else, heavily burdened by what she was about to say. “We always knew that the day would come,” she said. “The question was whether or not you would be ready for it.” A beat. “The both of you, actually. Ben had already accepted his role, but we didn’t know about you.”
Mara nodded. She was still confused, but at the very least, she was getting at least somewhere. “All right,” she said, “Please, explain it to me. Because I’m really confused.”
“What did Owen and Beru tell you about your father?”
That, Mara thought, she didn’t expect. “Well,” she said, “He was a navigator on a spice freighter. Died in some unfortunate accident, and so they had to raise me in his stead. Can’t say they told me what happened to my mother.”
She could swear that there was a flash of sadness that came across Elizabeth Nerus’ face. Even looking at her, Mara felt almost uncomfortable – she looked so very haunted, so very sad, to the point that even looking at her made Mara wish she hadn’t said anything.
Lady Nemo seemed almost baffled at that moment, but that disappeared as quickly as it came. “I told Owen and Beru to tell you the truth when you were older,” she said, “But…” She ran a hand across her temples, rubbing them if only blearily. “They didn’t, did they?”
“No,” Mara said. Even now, she couldn’t help but be confused. “Also,” she said, “You’re not making sense. What do you mean ‘tell you the truth when you were older’?”
“Your father wasn’t a navigator on a spice freighter,” Lady Nemo said. “He was a Jedi Master – my master.”
Mara couldn’t help but laugh. “You…you’re kidding.” My dad, a Jedi? Even that didn’t make any sense.
A faint, almost nostalgic smile came over Lady Nemo’s face. “Yes,” she said. “And he fought in the Clone Wars. We all did, in fact.” She grew more serious. “We lost many good people in the war,” she said. “People with their lives ahead of them, people with families, people with futures. There were people who tried to call off the war, to make it stop, but they weren’t listened to. And I think it might have been to their undoing. Because that…that was how the Empire got started.”
Mara faltered in that moment, trying to picture it. The wars, breaking out, spreading across the galaxy, getting worse day after day after day. Felling multiple people who didn’t even need to die. She had heard, at least, in the texts of the Empire, the texts that recounted the matter of the Clone Wars, that it was a just war against the “traitors” attempting to break away from the Republic. Even picturing it, she couldn’t help but wonder – had the Empire started out with good intentions at first before becoming corrupt, or did they, pure and simply, just deceive everyone into thinking that they had good intentions?
“And when the war was finally over,” Lady Nemo said, “It wasn’t, really. A young man known as Darth Terminus, grief-stricken from what had happened in the war including the loss of a dear friend of his, my own student, and desiring to restore some semblance of order, some semblance of sanity – he joined the Emperor if only to hunt down every Jedi that there ever was. Your father was one of his first victims, unfortunately.”
Even as she said it, Mara thought, she seemed to have been pulling teeth. Almost as if she was forcibly extracting them. Mara couldn’t say that she blamed her. After all, the idea of your Master, someone close to you, being murdered by a man who seemed to somehow think that he was doing the right thing…
Even thinking about it, Mara felt a sudden wave of nausea. “I…I need a moment,” she said. Even the inside of her mouth tasted like acid. “Just for a bit.”
“The fresher’s that way.” Lady Nemo’s voice was gentle, soft. “Take as long as you need.”
Mara smiled if only faintly. “Thanks.”
She headed towards the fresher in that moment, allowing herself to vomit into it, emptying the contents of her stomach. Just the very idea of it, the very idea of Terminus doing this, all this, just because he thought that he had some semblance of order in mind…
It was after a long while that Mara stood up, wiping her mouth, before realizing that there were tears falling from her eyes as well. She took a deep breath, trying if only vainly to steady herself. It’s going to be all right. And yet at the same time, she couldn’t really believe it. Because her father –
Why had Owen and Beru lied to her? To protect her somehow from Terminus? To protect her from being hurt somehow? She couldn’t even say, really. Not really. To protect her from the fact that her father had been murdered by some godsdamned madman?
Just calm down. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.
She returned to the room now, where bits of conversation were drifting in. “…how can I even tell her, Sabe? I mean, how can she even live with that burden?”
Sabe. So that woman in the dreams…she was Elizabeth Nerus. No wonder Mara kept dreaming about her. It seemed that everything in that dream seemed designed to lead her up to this point.
Learning that her father hadn’t died on a spice freighter, and that Owen and Beru had lied to her…for what reason? To coddle her? To protect her? Because they somehow wanted to erase her father entirely from their memories?
No. They probably were just trying to protect you. Just calm down. Mara took a few deep breaths now, forcing herself to be calm.
Lady Nemo looked up at her now. “Are you all right?”
“A bit better.” Mara sat down in her previous seat. “So you basically just called me out there to avenge my father’s death?”
“No.” Lady Nemo said if only softly. “A Jedi doesn’t seek revenge. It was definitely how Terminus got started – one of many ways he was made into the man you know now.” A beat. “We wanted you to take on your father’s mantle when you were old enough. I have a feeling he would have wanted you to have this.”
She and Elizabeth Nerus stood up. Lady Nemo then fished a box from the nearest shelf, handing it to Mara. Mara looked over it before opening it. Inside was a long, slim sort of handle, gleaming silver, almost simple, she thought, in terms of design. It was activating it that she nearly dropped it if only in shock – it was a good thing that the plasma blade didn’t necessarily hurt anyone by mistake. Still, there was something about it, even as she moved it around experimentally, that felt oddly right in her hands, almost as if it was made for her.
Lady Nemo smiled. “You’re going to have to be careful,” she said, “I know that there have been cases of people who have accidentally damaged things,” and at this she became more serious, “Thanks to not being careful.”
“Right.” Mara deactivated the lightsaber, hooked it to her belt. “Honestly,” she said, “This is all so strange to me.”
“Understandable,” Lady Nemo said.
“So,” Mara said, “You want me to basically go to Alderaan to fight the Empire? Full-time, not just as being an escort?”
“It’s about time you went to Alderaan,” Lady Nemo said.
“I mean, I want to,” Mara said. “I want to go out and do something about the Empire, but Mom and Dad need me, more than ever.” She sighed. “Harvest season’s coming up and that’s when they need me the most. The farm takes a lot of looking after. And I don’t know – running away just seems almost irresponsible.”
It was then that Lady Nemo placed a hand on Mara’s shoulder. “Just do whatever you feel is right,” she said. “You’ll be ready in time. And I believe that Owen and Beru will see it as well.”
Mara took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said. She took a deep breath. “I better get home and explain things to them first,” she said, “I mean, they’re probably panicking like crazy.”
“Yes,” Lady Nemo said. “You probably should.”
“Just one last question,” Mara said, “This is for…his benefit.” She gestured towards C-3PO. “He’s…well, he’s more than a bit confused about the matter of Ar-Too’s mission. Can you help him?”
The way that Lady Nemo looked, it was almost sad and yet…somehow happy at the same time. Almost as if she had found an old friend. And there was something in Mara that couldn’t help but wonder how she could possibly be that lonely, and what had happened to her – she already had a feeling that the matter of Terminus was just a sample of the story. And yet even thinking about it was enough to make Mara’s heart hurt. None of this should have happened. No one should have had to suffer what the Empire had put them through. The Empire should have never come to power. Mara already knew that the Empire was a pack, to say the least, of complete and utter bastards worth less than the slime under a Hutt’s tail. She hadn’t expected something like this.
Lady Nemo took a deep breath. “Well,” she said, “The Rebellion’s been losing the war for quite a while now. For all we’ve fought, the Empire is stronger – their fleet, for example, is more equipped than ours, and they have some of the most powerful fighters on their side. Add in their newest weapon, the Death Star, and realistically, we have no chance against them. I can only pray that the Death Star plans give us that chance should we reach Alderaan.”
“I certainly hope so too, Lady Nemo,” C-3PO said.
And Mara, even listening, couldn’t disagree.
