For angst_bingo.
Jun. 5th, 2013 07:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: In The Dark
Summary: During the Year That Never Was, the Doctor waits for the Master to come to his senses.
Prompt: Wild Card -- Captivity.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warnings: Um, inner-monologue-heavy, dark themes, and rusty writing skills. And second person.
In the dark, you're already waiting.
You know full well about everything that he's done. You've seen the islands of Japan burning outside the VALIANT's window, you've seen the way that he treats the Joneses, and Lucy, and how he basically tortures Jack. And you can't help but hate him for it. You hate seeing the Joneses in pain, you hate seeing Jack in pain, you hate constantly worrying about whether or not Martha Jones is still alive, and you hate the fact that in a way, a lot of this was your own fault.
All this. All of this. The Master's been all too happy to rub it back in your face in the way only he can -- how, basically, if you hadn't decided to depose Harriet Jones out of some misguided sense of righteousness, all of this wouldn't have happened. And for all Jack tries to tell you that he's wrong, that he really honestly has no place in saying things like that considering what he's done (complete with saying that in all honesty, he's a hypocrite), like all things, there's an uncomfortable grain of truth in it.
You were trying to do the right thing. You always have -- it's not always a beautiful thing, but you're trying at least to do something right. It doesn't always have to be beautiful, but if it's worth fighting for, you will fight for it. And you can still remember the explosion, the bits of debris falling from the Sycprax ship shot down on Christmas Day far too clearly, and how Harriet Jones, a woman you trusted, a woman you had personally helped out in power, had done this, out of *fear* --
And now look what you've done. You've helped to put a madman in power. And the worst part about all of this, in a pile of worst things (the Toclafane, the fact that you did this, and so many more), is that in a way, you can't hate him.
You hate what he's doing, that you can't deny. Having to all but watch helplessly from your tent (for some reason, the Master seems to be fond of treating you as...well, a pet) as he does these terrible things. But you can't hate him. Because when you look at him, there are times you can see the boy that you grew up with at the Academy. When you look at him, you can see Professor Yana as well -- he is changed, that you can't deny, and he isn't Yana, but Yana has to be there somewhere.
And then there's the fact that pure and simply, you don't want to be alone anymore.
You're not truly alone -- you had Rose, and you have Martha and Jack. But that's not really what you think of when you think of "alone". You were the last of your kind -- wandering aimlessly, still haunted by when you set off The Moment, destroying every Dalek ship, destroying Gallifrey, Time Locking the war, and even the fact that you did it if only to save creation is barely any solace at all. The Master...he's the last of his kind and you're the last of yours.
There are other reasons, of course -- because how can you live with yourself if you can't save someone? (It's an unfortunate reality but it honestly doesn't make it hurt any less) Because how can you simply condemn him to death? Because how can you overlook everything you shared -- Gallifrey, and even your time as enemies in some ways? And because you've destroyed so much that if you could actually care for something for a change, then it would be one of the few times that you actually got something right. And because really, seriously, honestly, you're as much like him as much as he's like you; you can't deny that. You would be mad to deny that. (Unless you're already going mad and this is but one stage of the process. Being confined to a tent and almost literally treated like a dog will do that to you, you suppose)
But the fact that the both of you are the only ones left plays quite the part in it, in all truth. After destroying the Time Lords and Gallifrey, perhaps it is time to do something right for a change. To find a way to help the Master, if you can. Helping is what you do, after all. It's who you are. Who are you, truly, if you don't?
And how can you abandon him?
And so you're waiting here in the dark, waiting for Martha to come back, waiting for Martha to return, and most of all, you're waiting for the Master to come to his senses. You're waiting for him, unrealistic as the wish sounds, to give up these ridiculous dreams of conquest and come and see the universe -- not rule it -- with you. You're waiting for him to see sense. You're waiting for him to listen to you and not continue to shut you out. You're waiting for the opportunity to say -- though your throat feels so dry it hurts and when you speak it sounds as if you haven't used your voice in a long time, not that that's far from the truth -- what you always wanted to say. Some would no doubt argue that it's unlikely that he'll listen, but you want him to listen. You want him to understand. You want to be able to say what you need to say.
"I forgive you."
Summary: During the Year That Never Was, the Doctor waits for the Master to come to his senses.
Prompt: Wild Card -- Captivity.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warnings: Um, inner-monologue-heavy, dark themes, and rusty writing skills. And second person.
In the dark, you're already waiting.
You know full well about everything that he's done. You've seen the islands of Japan burning outside the VALIANT's window, you've seen the way that he treats the Joneses, and Lucy, and how he basically tortures Jack. And you can't help but hate him for it. You hate seeing the Joneses in pain, you hate seeing Jack in pain, you hate constantly worrying about whether or not Martha Jones is still alive, and you hate the fact that in a way, a lot of this was your own fault.
All this. All of this. The Master's been all too happy to rub it back in your face in the way only he can -- how, basically, if you hadn't decided to depose Harriet Jones out of some misguided sense of righteousness, all of this wouldn't have happened. And for all Jack tries to tell you that he's wrong, that he really honestly has no place in saying things like that considering what he's done (complete with saying that in all honesty, he's a hypocrite), like all things, there's an uncomfortable grain of truth in it.
You were trying to do the right thing. You always have -- it's not always a beautiful thing, but you're trying at least to do something right. It doesn't always have to be beautiful, but if it's worth fighting for, you will fight for it. And you can still remember the explosion, the bits of debris falling from the Sycprax ship shot down on Christmas Day far too clearly, and how Harriet Jones, a woman you trusted, a woman you had personally helped out in power, had done this, out of *fear* --
And now look what you've done. You've helped to put a madman in power. And the worst part about all of this, in a pile of worst things (the Toclafane, the fact that you did this, and so many more), is that in a way, you can't hate him.
You hate what he's doing, that you can't deny. Having to all but watch helplessly from your tent (for some reason, the Master seems to be fond of treating you as...well, a pet) as he does these terrible things. But you can't hate him. Because when you look at him, there are times you can see the boy that you grew up with at the Academy. When you look at him, you can see Professor Yana as well -- he is changed, that you can't deny, and he isn't Yana, but Yana has to be there somewhere.
And then there's the fact that pure and simply, you don't want to be alone anymore.
You're not truly alone -- you had Rose, and you have Martha and Jack. But that's not really what you think of when you think of "alone". You were the last of your kind -- wandering aimlessly, still haunted by when you set off The Moment, destroying every Dalek ship, destroying Gallifrey, Time Locking the war, and even the fact that you did it if only to save creation is barely any solace at all. The Master...he's the last of his kind and you're the last of yours.
There are other reasons, of course -- because how can you live with yourself if you can't save someone? (It's an unfortunate reality but it honestly doesn't make it hurt any less) Because how can you simply condemn him to death? Because how can you overlook everything you shared -- Gallifrey, and even your time as enemies in some ways? And because you've destroyed so much that if you could actually care for something for a change, then it would be one of the few times that you actually got something right. And because really, seriously, honestly, you're as much like him as much as he's like you; you can't deny that. You would be mad to deny that. (Unless you're already going mad and this is but one stage of the process. Being confined to a tent and almost literally treated like a dog will do that to you, you suppose)
But the fact that the both of you are the only ones left plays quite the part in it, in all truth. After destroying the Time Lords and Gallifrey, perhaps it is time to do something right for a change. To find a way to help the Master, if you can. Helping is what you do, after all. It's who you are. Who are you, truly, if you don't?
And how can you abandon him?
And so you're waiting here in the dark, waiting for Martha to come back, waiting for Martha to return, and most of all, you're waiting for the Master to come to his senses. You're waiting for him, unrealistic as the wish sounds, to give up these ridiculous dreams of conquest and come and see the universe -- not rule it -- with you. You're waiting for him to see sense. You're waiting for him to listen to you and not continue to shut you out. You're waiting for the opportunity to say -- though your throat feels so dry it hurts and when you speak it sounds as if you haven't used your voice in a long time, not that that's far from the truth -- what you always wanted to say. Some would no doubt argue that it's unlikely that he'll listen, but you want him to listen. You want him to understand. You want to be able to say what you need to say.
"I forgive you."
