For genprompt_bingo
Apr. 10th, 2021 01:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Here Without You
Summary: Kylo dreams about Poe.
Prompt: Free Space — Song-Inspired
He should reject these pulls to the Light. These pulls, across all the miles that separate them. After all, he can’t afford them. But nonetheless, he feels them, at times, when he goes to sleep.
He doesn’t always dream of Poe. Sometimes he dreams about his parents, and the better times that he’s had with them. Sometimes he dreams of Luke, before everything went so wrong. (Those ones are hard, he thinks, because he wakes and wonders exactly what he did that was so horrible that Skywalker thought of him as unimportant, as unworthy) But when he does dream of Poe, he dreams tend to take them back to Yavin, before everything went wrong.
***
In the dream, it seems like all the miles that separate them melt away. Like Poe is really here, under the Force tree with him. He’s all too familiar, all leather jacket and white shirt, and he’s happy. Honest-to-stars happy.
“I didn’t think we’d end up back here,” Poe says, catching a blossom from the Force tree in his hand. “You remember, when we were both kids?”
“Too well.” Kylo sits on a log on Yavin, feeling tired even in the dream. Poe would never love him if he knew what he’d done. But there would be nothing that took away his love for Poe, no matter how hard things got. “We used to run through the jungles, making up some game that made sense to no one but ourselves.”
“What kids did.” Poe sits next to him, a hand caressing his shoulder. Unfortunately, in dreams, such touches can never truly land.
“We’re not kids anymore.” Kylo says, bitterly.
“But I still love you, Ben,” Poe says. His voice is quietly earnest, insistent. "It doesn’t change that. No matter how tense things really get. No matter where I go, no matter how hard things get.”
“Quite right too.” Kylo smiles, despite himself.
Another blossom falls into Kylo’s hand, and it feels softer, more real than it has any right to be.
“They’re beautiful,” Kylo murmurs. “I wish I could be here, with you.” Words that he never thought he’d speak, in the waking world or otherwise.
“You could come home.”
Kylo sighs. “You wouldn’t want me to...if you knew what I’d done."
Poe. How would he react if he knew that Kylo had failed to save the students at the Academy? He hadn’t called down the fire that had burned the Academy down. It didn’t mean he wasn’t still a failure. And then there was Voe. Hennix. Tai he hadn’t killed, but he had failed to save him.
Maybe that was the worst part, as Ben Solo; failing to save people.
And then there were the crimes he’d committed as Kylo Ren. How would Poe continue to love him, after what he’d done?
Then again, why wouldn’t he? Dear, sweet Poe, who had so much love to give, even towards people who had done nothing but hurt him.
Wasn’t that striking, he thought. Snoke was trying to poison his mind with anger and envy against Poe — but no matter how much Snoke tried, he couldn’t succeed. Just like with his parents, if a different shade of love.
Poe cupped his face. “I turned my life around,” he said. “You can too.”
Silence.
“Sometimes I’m afraid to wake up,” Kylo says. “I’ll realize that you’re on the other side of the Resistance again. And I’m alone.”
“I’m with you,” Poe says. “Truly, Ben. Until the end.”
***
Of course Kylo has to wake up. Wake up alone in the dark, and realize that, truly, he is lonely. That he left Poe behind.
It was the right thing to do, he rationalizes. To keep him safe. If Poe had joined him, he would have been put through as much hell as anyone else in the First Order. Snoke’s casual cruelty. The way one gradually becomes cold if they weren’t cold in the first place.
Kylo had not started out as cold. He knows that. He’s just been given time, time for the ice to harden over his heart. Sometimes bits of warmth slip through, a spared life here, a forgiveness here. Sometimes it’s enough. Maybe it adds to his mystique, he thinks wryly. The Reaper who can spare a soul here, reap another here.
Is that all he is, though, he wonders, a reaper? A legend?
Sometimes he wants to just be sentient again. To see his parents again, to see Poe. But dreams, in the meantime...they’ll be enough.
They’ll be more than enough.
Summary: Kylo dreams about Poe.
Prompt: Free Space — Song-Inspired
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Mostly using “Here Without You” by Three Doors Down for nostalgia reasons. I remember seeing it in an Anakin/Padme vid when I was first getting into Star Wars, so it has a special place in my heart.
He should reject these pulls to the Light. These pulls, across all the miles that separate them. After all, he can’t afford them. But nonetheless, he feels them, at times, when he goes to sleep.
He doesn’t always dream of Poe. Sometimes he dreams about his parents, and the better times that he’s had with them. Sometimes he dreams of Luke, before everything went so wrong. (Those ones are hard, he thinks, because he wakes and wonders exactly what he did that was so horrible that Skywalker thought of him as unimportant, as unworthy) But when he does dream of Poe, he dreams tend to take them back to Yavin, before everything went wrong.
***
In the dream, it seems like all the miles that separate them melt away. Like Poe is really here, under the Force tree with him. He’s all too familiar, all leather jacket and white shirt, and he’s happy. Honest-to-stars happy.
“I didn’t think we’d end up back here,” Poe says, catching a blossom from the Force tree in his hand. “You remember, when we were both kids?”
“Too well.” Kylo sits on a log on Yavin, feeling tired even in the dream. Poe would never love him if he knew what he’d done. But there would be nothing that took away his love for Poe, no matter how hard things got. “We used to run through the jungles, making up some game that made sense to no one but ourselves.”
“What kids did.” Poe sits next to him, a hand caressing his shoulder. Unfortunately, in dreams, such touches can never truly land.
“We’re not kids anymore.” Kylo says, bitterly.
“But I still love you, Ben,” Poe says. His voice is quietly earnest, insistent. "It doesn’t change that. No matter how tense things really get. No matter where I go, no matter how hard things get.”
“Quite right too.” Kylo smiles, despite himself.
Another blossom falls into Kylo’s hand, and it feels softer, more real than it has any right to be.
“They’re beautiful,” Kylo murmurs. “I wish I could be here, with you.” Words that he never thought he’d speak, in the waking world or otherwise.
“You could come home.”
Kylo sighs. “You wouldn’t want me to...if you knew what I’d done."
Poe. How would he react if he knew that Kylo had failed to save the students at the Academy? He hadn’t called down the fire that had burned the Academy down. It didn’t mean he wasn’t still a failure. And then there was Voe. Hennix. Tai he hadn’t killed, but he had failed to save him.
Maybe that was the worst part, as Ben Solo; failing to save people.
And then there were the crimes he’d committed as Kylo Ren. How would Poe continue to love him, after what he’d done?
Then again, why wouldn’t he? Dear, sweet Poe, who had so much love to give, even towards people who had done nothing but hurt him.
Wasn’t that striking, he thought. Snoke was trying to poison his mind with anger and envy against Poe — but no matter how much Snoke tried, he couldn’t succeed. Just like with his parents, if a different shade of love.
Poe cupped his face. “I turned my life around,” he said. “You can too.”
Silence.
“Sometimes I’m afraid to wake up,” Kylo says. “I’ll realize that you’re on the other side of the Resistance again. And I’m alone.”
“I’m with you,” Poe says. “Truly, Ben. Until the end.”
***
Of course Kylo has to wake up. Wake up alone in the dark, and realize that, truly, he is lonely. That he left Poe behind.
It was the right thing to do, he rationalizes. To keep him safe. If Poe had joined him, he would have been put through as much hell as anyone else in the First Order. Snoke’s casual cruelty. The way one gradually becomes cold if they weren’t cold in the first place.
Kylo had not started out as cold. He knows that. He’s just been given time, time for the ice to harden over his heart. Sometimes bits of warmth slip through, a spared life here, a forgiveness here. Sometimes it’s enough. Maybe it adds to his mystique, he thinks wryly. The Reaper who can spare a soul here, reap another here.
Is that all he is, though, he wonders, a reaper? A legend?
Sometimes he wants to just be sentient again. To see his parents again, to see Poe. But dreams, in the meantime...they’ll be enough.
They’ll be more than enough.
