For allbingo
Oct. 10th, 2021 11:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: do you see a lion when you look inside of me?
Summary: The discovery of the holocron in Vader’s castle leads to Poe being confronted by the ghosts of an old love.
Prompt: I Can’t Live Without You
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Poe hadn’t expected any of it. Being discovered to be Force Sensitive by Vanee, being able to open the door to the room containing the holocron. Finding that the holocron had some sort of Wookiee’s Paw effect.
Poe had to give the holocron credit; it was good at being exceedingly cruel. Ben’s hand seemed to reach from the vision that Poe saw — battered and blooded, no doubt, from having to claw his way out. His voice. “You weren’t there, Poe! How could you leave me?”
A Jedi Academy, on fire. Screaming. Ben’s sobs — clearly a memory (Poe already didn’t know what was memory and what was just a horrible trick of the Dark Side). “I killed them! Dear stars, I killed them…”
“Poe.” Dean’s voice. “It’s okay, Poe. It’s not real…”
“But your failure,” Vanee sneered. “That was real. Don’t think I didn’t smell it on you when you first came in. Your link to Kylo Ren. You didn’t even need the Dyad like the girl Rey did. Memory can be a powerful link on its own.”
“No.” Poe’s heart already sped up in that moment, out of sheer grief and fear. Violation, just at Vanee knowing. “Don’t do this. Just let it die.”
“Like you let your childhood friend die?” Vanee said.
Poe already felt his hands clench into fists.
“Poe?” Dean sounded so gentle, so concerned. “You…knew Kylo Ren?”
“Long ago.” Poe took a deep breath. “Even he was innocent, once upon a time."
“And you could do what Rey Palpatine couldn’t,” Vanee said. “The girl he saved, who only let him die when he’d served his purpose. The rest of the Resistance hates you, after all. They see you as nothing but a failure, a fool. A bumbling idiot whose role among the Resistance is to, simply, be the friend that nobody likes. I mean, they certainly haven’t come to rescue you. They’re probably celebrating your absence.”
Poe’s body tensed like a bow. Dank ferrik, why did Vanee have to hit directly on his fears like that?
“After all,” Vanee said. “Even the woman you saw as a parental substitute…she didn’t reach out to you in her last moments, did she? No, she reached out to her pathetic son, a man seeking to imitate someone who, in the end, he couldn’t even begin to imitate. Him. It hurts, doesn’t it, knowing you weren’t her favorite child?”
Something snapped in Poe.
“I’m glad she reached out towards Ben,” he said, heatedly. “If I was able to, I would have done the same thing. Because he would have done the same for me. If I had to carry him, I would have.”
Because I love him. It didn’t need to be said, in many ways. Because it echoed in Poe’s heart, head and bones with a conviction he didn’t expect.
Kylo Ren was not a good man. He was an evil man with flickers of good in him — Poe could at least appreciate him for sparing Finn at Tuanul. But Ben…Ben had had faith in Poe even on his worst days.
Poe didn’t hesitate, in that moment, to smash the holocron. He wouldn’t deny he felt horrible, horrible regret as he did it, like he was failing Ben again.
But he swore he felt warm hands — Ben’s hands — brushing his shoulders. You did it, Poe. That’s my champion, well done.
***
They defeated Vanee. Poe shuddered to think of what Vanee could have become if he’d actually gotten the holocron, but at least he, BB-8 and Dean managed to fight off those troops.
They said their goodbye to Graballa — Poe suggesting he start small, “Maybe don’t mess with Sith artifacts next time?”
As Poe, Dean and BB-8 boarded the X-wing, Dean said, “I saw him, you know. Ben’s ghost.” Then, “It’s so weird that he was Kylo Ren.”
“That’s an understatement,” Poe said. “He…didn’t start out as a monster. I’d say very few people start out monsters, or even like being monsters.”
“What was he like before he…y’know?"
Poe paused. “Lonely,” he said. “But funny. He was a bit of a snarky bastard. Then again, I’m a snarky bastard, so…we were well-matched. I was his friend outside the Academy. He could be smart, insightful, creative and, even if you had to poke at him a little, he was…kind."
Dean nodded. “It’s just weird. I mean, a lot of the First Order are monsters, and Kylo did monstrous things, but…Ben sounds like he was a good guy.”
“He was. He still is."
Even though Ben Solo was gone, it didn’t mean the imprint he left on Poe meant nothing.
***
It was in the cockpit of Black One, with Dean and BB-8 sleeping soundly (if what BB-8 did could be counted as “sleeping") that Poe saw Ben again.
He didn’t know what exactly to expect, seeing Ben’s ghost again. Some sort of mental projection. But Ben — dear, wonderful Ben, he smiled the way he used to in life. “Poe Dameron,” he said, softly. “You didn’t think I’d abandon you without some sort of mental defense, would you?”
“Ben.” Poe finally found his voice. It was something, to say Ben’s name again.
Ben smiled. “I missed hearing that. Acknowledging that.”
“I’m sorry.” Poe’s voice cracked in that moment. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I should have been there, at the end.” Even remembering Exegol, being stranded in the sky while Ben died…
He didn’t think that the ground and sky could be a barrier in and of themselves.
“Poe.” Stars, it was so reassuring, just hearing Ben’s voice saying his name again. “It wasn’t your fault. I died doing the right thing. About time I did it.” Ben sighed. “I guess that’s one thing I have in common with Grandfather; it’s only when we died we stopped being kriff-ups…”
“You’re not a kriff-up, Ben.” Stars, Ben had spent so much time reassuring Poe he wasn’t a kriff-up, after Kijimi. Reassuring him that he was innocent, brave, wonderful. Ben had been, for all his flaws, the one to most consistently see the good in Poe. “A kriff-up wouldn’t have gone to Exegol in the first place. Not like you.”
“I still feel Grandfather did it better.”
“You saved Rey from dying. That’s one thing your Grandfather couldn’t do." Poe took a deep breath. “I just wish you could be here, Ben. See all the good that’s going on. How far Rey’s come. Everything."
“You’d be surprised as to how much you can see from the netherworld of the Force."
Silence.
“Vanee…he nearly got me to open the holocron…”
“But you didn’t.” Ben said, firmly. “You resisted. You protected Dean, you escaped. You managed to outsmart Vanee’s droids. And Dean?” A faint smile. “He takes after you. For starters, he’s brilliant.”
Poe laughed. “He certainly is that."
Ben smiled, if fondly. “Stars, I really did miss your genuine laugh. There were times when I thought you looked like an angel.”
Poe snorted. “I’m not that good.” His amusement faded, thinking of Holdo. Of all the mistakes he made. Rey, seeming to subtly taunt him about his capture.
“Yes, you are.” Ben gently took his shoulders, eyes seeming to blaze with the utmost certainty, the utmost conviction. “You always have been. I never told you, but…when the voices in my head were getting really bad, you helped me, just by being there. You reminded me that there was still good in the galaxy. Just by being there. Just by being kind, funny. Generous. Loyal. Clever.”
Poe didn’t miss the way that Ben’s words felt warmer than they had any right to be.
"You were a dyad-mate, in the metaphorical sense,” Ben said. “I just wish I’d been able to say it earlier.”
“So were you, Ben.”
There were limitations in dreams. Poe already wished he could feel Ben’s large, muscular build, smell his scent. There was a lot about what happened that Poe wished he could change. But Ben was here, really here, and that was enough for the moment.
***
It was when Poe woke up that he found himself in Black One with wet eyes. Wet eyes…but he swore he could feel Ben’s presence with him, where it was supposed to be.
Summary: The discovery of the holocron in Vader’s castle leads to Poe being confronted by the ghosts of an old love.
Prompt: I Can’t Live Without You
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Wow. Darkpilot fandom, it is so good to be back! Just watched the Terrifying Tales Halloween special and it’s better than I thought it would be.
And of course, I had to write something. 😏 Title from Hollywood Undead’s “Lion”.
Poe hadn’t expected any of it. Being discovered to be Force Sensitive by Vanee, being able to open the door to the room containing the holocron. Finding that the holocron had some sort of Wookiee’s Paw effect.
Poe had to give the holocron credit; it was good at being exceedingly cruel. Ben’s hand seemed to reach from the vision that Poe saw — battered and blooded, no doubt, from having to claw his way out. His voice. “You weren’t there, Poe! How could you leave me?”
A Jedi Academy, on fire. Screaming. Ben’s sobs — clearly a memory (Poe already didn’t know what was memory and what was just a horrible trick of the Dark Side). “I killed them! Dear stars, I killed them…”
“Poe.” Dean’s voice. “It’s okay, Poe. It’s not real…”
“But your failure,” Vanee sneered. “That was real. Don’t think I didn’t smell it on you when you first came in. Your link to Kylo Ren. You didn’t even need the Dyad like the girl Rey did. Memory can be a powerful link on its own.”
“No.” Poe’s heart already sped up in that moment, out of sheer grief and fear. Violation, just at Vanee knowing. “Don’t do this. Just let it die.”
“Like you let your childhood friend die?” Vanee said.
Poe already felt his hands clench into fists.
“Poe?” Dean sounded so gentle, so concerned. “You…knew Kylo Ren?”
“Long ago.” Poe took a deep breath. “Even he was innocent, once upon a time."
“And you could do what Rey Palpatine couldn’t,” Vanee said. “The girl he saved, who only let him die when he’d served his purpose. The rest of the Resistance hates you, after all. They see you as nothing but a failure, a fool. A bumbling idiot whose role among the Resistance is to, simply, be the friend that nobody likes. I mean, they certainly haven’t come to rescue you. They’re probably celebrating your absence.”
Poe’s body tensed like a bow. Dank ferrik, why did Vanee have to hit directly on his fears like that?
“After all,” Vanee said. “Even the woman you saw as a parental substitute…she didn’t reach out to you in her last moments, did she? No, she reached out to her pathetic son, a man seeking to imitate someone who, in the end, he couldn’t even begin to imitate. Him. It hurts, doesn’t it, knowing you weren’t her favorite child?”
Something snapped in Poe.
“I’m glad she reached out towards Ben,” he said, heatedly. “If I was able to, I would have done the same thing. Because he would have done the same for me. If I had to carry him, I would have.”
Because I love him. It didn’t need to be said, in many ways. Because it echoed in Poe’s heart, head and bones with a conviction he didn’t expect.
Kylo Ren was not a good man. He was an evil man with flickers of good in him — Poe could at least appreciate him for sparing Finn at Tuanul. But Ben…Ben had had faith in Poe even on his worst days.
Poe didn’t hesitate, in that moment, to smash the holocron. He wouldn’t deny he felt horrible, horrible regret as he did it, like he was failing Ben again.
But he swore he felt warm hands — Ben’s hands — brushing his shoulders. You did it, Poe. That’s my champion, well done.
***
They defeated Vanee. Poe shuddered to think of what Vanee could have become if he’d actually gotten the holocron, but at least he, BB-8 and Dean managed to fight off those troops.
They said their goodbye to Graballa — Poe suggesting he start small, “Maybe don’t mess with Sith artifacts next time?”
As Poe, Dean and BB-8 boarded the X-wing, Dean said, “I saw him, you know. Ben’s ghost.” Then, “It’s so weird that he was Kylo Ren.”
“That’s an understatement,” Poe said. “He…didn’t start out as a monster. I’d say very few people start out monsters, or even like being monsters.”
“What was he like before he…y’know?"
Poe paused. “Lonely,” he said. “But funny. He was a bit of a snarky bastard. Then again, I’m a snarky bastard, so…we were well-matched. I was his friend outside the Academy. He could be smart, insightful, creative and, even if you had to poke at him a little, he was…kind."
Dean nodded. “It’s just weird. I mean, a lot of the First Order are monsters, and Kylo did monstrous things, but…Ben sounds like he was a good guy.”
“He was. He still is."
Even though Ben Solo was gone, it didn’t mean the imprint he left on Poe meant nothing.
***
It was in the cockpit of Black One, with Dean and BB-8 sleeping soundly (if what BB-8 did could be counted as “sleeping") that Poe saw Ben again.
He didn’t know what exactly to expect, seeing Ben’s ghost again. Some sort of mental projection. But Ben — dear, wonderful Ben, he smiled the way he used to in life. “Poe Dameron,” he said, softly. “You didn’t think I’d abandon you without some sort of mental defense, would you?”
“Ben.” Poe finally found his voice. It was something, to say Ben’s name again.
Ben smiled. “I missed hearing that. Acknowledging that.”
“I’m sorry.” Poe’s voice cracked in that moment. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I should have been there, at the end.” Even remembering Exegol, being stranded in the sky while Ben died…
He didn’t think that the ground and sky could be a barrier in and of themselves.
“Poe.” Stars, it was so reassuring, just hearing Ben’s voice saying his name again. “It wasn’t your fault. I died doing the right thing. About time I did it.” Ben sighed. “I guess that’s one thing I have in common with Grandfather; it’s only when we died we stopped being kriff-ups…”
“You’re not a kriff-up, Ben.” Stars, Ben had spent so much time reassuring Poe he wasn’t a kriff-up, after Kijimi. Reassuring him that he was innocent, brave, wonderful. Ben had been, for all his flaws, the one to most consistently see the good in Poe. “A kriff-up wouldn’t have gone to Exegol in the first place. Not like you.”
“I still feel Grandfather did it better.”
“You saved Rey from dying. That’s one thing your Grandfather couldn’t do." Poe took a deep breath. “I just wish you could be here, Ben. See all the good that’s going on. How far Rey’s come. Everything."
“You’d be surprised as to how much you can see from the netherworld of the Force."
Silence.
“Vanee…he nearly got me to open the holocron…”
“But you didn’t.” Ben said, firmly. “You resisted. You protected Dean, you escaped. You managed to outsmart Vanee’s droids. And Dean?” A faint smile. “He takes after you. For starters, he’s brilliant.”
Poe laughed. “He certainly is that."
Ben smiled, if fondly. “Stars, I really did miss your genuine laugh. There were times when I thought you looked like an angel.”
Poe snorted. “I’m not that good.” His amusement faded, thinking of Holdo. Of all the mistakes he made. Rey, seeming to subtly taunt him about his capture.
“Yes, you are.” Ben gently took his shoulders, eyes seeming to blaze with the utmost certainty, the utmost conviction. “You always have been. I never told you, but…when the voices in my head were getting really bad, you helped me, just by being there. You reminded me that there was still good in the galaxy. Just by being there. Just by being kind, funny. Generous. Loyal. Clever.”
Poe didn’t miss the way that Ben’s words felt warmer than they had any right to be.
"You were a dyad-mate, in the metaphorical sense,” Ben said. “I just wish I’d been able to say it earlier.”
“So were you, Ben.”
There were limitations in dreams. Poe already wished he could feel Ben’s large, muscular build, smell his scent. There was a lot about what happened that Poe wished he could change. But Ben was here, really here, and that was enough for the moment.
***
It was when Poe woke up that he found himself in Black One with wet eyes. Wet eyes…but he swore he could feel Ben’s presence with him, where it was supposed to be.
