For allbingo
Apr. 28th, 2021 08:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: Mistakes We Knew We Were Making
Summary: Ben’s initially nervous about having kids.
Prompt: Deciding to have / not have children
It’s one night when Poe ventures the question. “Have you ever considered...having children?”
Ben freezes, briefly. Even the idea...would he even be a good father? Would he kriff it up, like he’s just kriffed up everything else?
“Poe,” he says, softly. “You won’t hate me if I say I’m not sure, will you?”
“No. Never.” Poe says. “Ben...when I fell in love with you, I fell in love with every part of you. Not just the comfortable parts. All these parts...they mean something to me.”
“Good.” Ben exhales; it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “I’m just...afraid. I mean, it wasn’t like my parents were bad parents. I mean, they took me on vacations to Naboo and such. They weren’t perfect, but they loved me. I wish I’d known that sooner...”
“It was Snoke. And Palpatine,” Poe says, gently.
“Still.” Then, “I just wonder if my parents were this scared when they were having me.” He wonders, absently, if his parents had conversations late at night, wondering if they would be able to escape the shadows of their pasts. He knows his parents loved him; Leia resurrected him, after all. But now, Ben feels the shadows of his parents, the joy and terror they must have felt.
They should be here, Ben thinks. They’d spoil their grandchildren rotten. He can picture another time, a son or daughter with his or Poe’s face, running to greet their grandparents.
They should be here.
“I’m sure every parent had those thoughts,” Poe says. “Every parent. I’m sure my parents had those worries too.”
That Ben can’t deny.
***
He’s scared. That can’t be denied. But he wants to share a piece of both him and Poe. It’s not just an obligation to carry on the Skywalker line; it’s a matter of having someone who’s a piece of both of them.
He tells Poe he agrees, and Poe hugs him tightly. Poe...sweet, wonderful Poe, he’s excited about the family they could share together.
***
Of all the things that Ben expected, using cloning to create their child isn’t exactly what he pictured. It’s risky, it’s challenging — and yet when the Kaminoans present Ben and Poe’s daughter to them, what a small price it is to pay for something so perfect.
She looks so much like Poe, Ben thinks, even as he holds her. She looks so much like Poe, with her curly black hair that seems like just a lot of it, and her smooth, silky olive skin. She looks so much like Poe, and he turns to Poe, who’s looking down at their daughter in wonder.
“At least she doesn’t have my ears,” Ben jokes.
Poe scoffs. “Ben...even if she did, she’s ours. Nothing can change that.”
“No,” Ben says. “Nothing.”
He holds the baby. The baby, who’s peering up at him with such curious eyes. Eyes that seem so naive, and yet impossibly wise.
***
They name her Leia, after Ben’s mother, and the woman who was good as a mentor to Poe. Ben can already sense his own mother, in the Force, approving of the idea. Approving, even if Ben can’t see her. He can still feel her, the woman that resurrected him.
“It’s such a heavy name, though,” Poe says. “Leia. We’ll have to...I mean, it’s such a big name for such a little girl.”
Ben thinks back to his father, without hesitation. A toddler boy, following his father around, watching his father’s tough scoundrel facade just melt away in that very moment looking at his son.
My little bandit.
There are things that Ben still has to live with. The fact that his little girl will never have grandparents. That most of her family...no, there is Rey. Ben’s cousin, and her husband, and her son. Leia Dameron will not go a day not knowing she has a family, that she’s loved and cherished.
“We’ll figure it out,” Ben says. “We’ll figure this all out. In the meantime...I’ll never let you or her go by without knowing how loved the both of you are.”
He kisses the top of Poe’s head. In his arms, Leia Dameron is currently sleeping, bundled up in pink, and Ben knows that he’ll never go and take them for granted.
Summary: Ben’s initially nervous about having kids.
Prompt: Deciding to have / not have children
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It’s one night when Poe ventures the question. “Have you ever considered...having children?”
Ben freezes, briefly. Even the idea...would he even be a good father? Would he kriff it up, like he’s just kriffed up everything else?
“Poe,” he says, softly. “You won’t hate me if I say I’m not sure, will you?”
“No. Never.” Poe says. “Ben...when I fell in love with you, I fell in love with every part of you. Not just the comfortable parts. All these parts...they mean something to me.”
“Good.” Ben exhales; it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “I’m just...afraid. I mean, it wasn’t like my parents were bad parents. I mean, they took me on vacations to Naboo and such. They weren’t perfect, but they loved me. I wish I’d known that sooner...”
“It was Snoke. And Palpatine,” Poe says, gently.
“Still.” Then, “I just wonder if my parents were this scared when they were having me.” He wonders, absently, if his parents had conversations late at night, wondering if they would be able to escape the shadows of their pasts. He knows his parents loved him; Leia resurrected him, after all. But now, Ben feels the shadows of his parents, the joy and terror they must have felt.
They should be here, Ben thinks. They’d spoil their grandchildren rotten. He can picture another time, a son or daughter with his or Poe’s face, running to greet their grandparents.
They should be here.
“I’m sure every parent had those thoughts,” Poe says. “Every parent. I’m sure my parents had those worries too.”
That Ben can’t deny.
***
He’s scared. That can’t be denied. But he wants to share a piece of both him and Poe. It’s not just an obligation to carry on the Skywalker line; it’s a matter of having someone who’s a piece of both of them.
He tells Poe he agrees, and Poe hugs him tightly. Poe...sweet, wonderful Poe, he’s excited about the family they could share together.
***
Of all the things that Ben expected, using cloning to create their child isn’t exactly what he pictured. It’s risky, it’s challenging — and yet when the Kaminoans present Ben and Poe’s daughter to them, what a small price it is to pay for something so perfect.
She looks so much like Poe, Ben thinks, even as he holds her. She looks so much like Poe, with her curly black hair that seems like just a lot of it, and her smooth, silky olive skin. She looks so much like Poe, and he turns to Poe, who’s looking down at their daughter in wonder.
“At least she doesn’t have my ears,” Ben jokes.
Poe scoffs. “Ben...even if she did, she’s ours. Nothing can change that.”
“No,” Ben says. “Nothing.”
He holds the baby. The baby, who’s peering up at him with such curious eyes. Eyes that seem so naive, and yet impossibly wise.
***
They name her Leia, after Ben’s mother, and the woman who was good as a mentor to Poe. Ben can already sense his own mother, in the Force, approving of the idea. Approving, even if Ben can’t see her. He can still feel her, the woman that resurrected him.
“It’s such a heavy name, though,” Poe says. “Leia. We’ll have to...I mean, it’s such a big name for such a little girl.”
Ben thinks back to his father, without hesitation. A toddler boy, following his father around, watching his father’s tough scoundrel facade just melt away in that very moment looking at his son.
My little bandit.
There are things that Ben still has to live with. The fact that his little girl will never have grandparents. That most of her family...no, there is Rey. Ben’s cousin, and her husband, and her son. Leia Dameron will not go a day not knowing she has a family, that she’s loved and cherished.
“We’ll figure it out,” Ben says. “We’ll figure this all out. In the meantime...I’ll never let you or her go by without knowing how loved the both of you are.”
He kisses the top of Poe’s head. In his arms, Leia Dameron is currently sleeping, bundled up in pink, and Ben knows that he’ll never go and take them for granted.
