For allbingo
Apr. 8th, 2021 08:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: something has been taken from deep inside of me
Summary: Luke tells Rey the full truth about what happened that night in Ben’s hut.
Prompt: Assault
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Title from “Easier to Run” by Linkin Park. Trigger warning for a pretty obvious rape parallel in Luke’s flashback.
“Tell the truth.”
How did he even begin to tell her? Even lying in the rain, defeated by her, humiliated — Luke could already feel the terrible memories starting to brew up again. It would be easy to lie, to say that he had done it willingly, to say...
But he didn’t. He didn’t do it willingly.
“I lied to you,” Luke said. “Because I was ashamed of what I’d done. What happened to me.” Then, “I didn’t tell you, because things like that aren’t supposed to happen to men...”
“What are you talking about?” Rey’s earlier, angry expression was already lapsing into a look of worry and confusion.
“Did Ben know that I didn’t do this of my own free will?”
Rey, faltering. “Explain,” she said, softly.
“The night that the Temple burned...”
***
Luke was supposed to be asleep. Supposed to be. Voe, Tai and Hennix were out on a mission together, and Luke trusted the three of them. Trusted them, implicitly. Ben had come to him earlier in tears, something about Poe, though he’d clarified that Poe hadn’t hurt him. Luke could only pray that in the morning, all their minds would be clear.
Except for Voe, Tai and Hennix. They’d be tired. Poor souls, Luke thought, smiling to himself.
That smile was short-lived even as he felt...something brush against his mind. Ice cold. If he’d had any experience with Palpatine, he’d realize it was Palpatine. But he didn’t have any experience whatsoever.
To him, it seemed like just a stranger.
To him, if just seemed like a cold presence, ice water in his mind, and a voice. You will go to him. A voice, seeming to rumble out of the darkness. You will go to him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Luke muttered. “I just want to go back to sleep..."
The pull in his mind became like a compulsion. Further research on Ach-To would reveal it was another modification of the Jedi mind trick, which only made Luke feel worse. Obi-Wan said that the mind trick only worked on the weak-minded, which only made Luke wonder: was he weak-minded? If his mind was so pliable, how was he not weak-minded?
He was pulled to his feet, and in that moment, the voice in his mind became booming. Go to him.
One foot in front of the other. Above, the moon was full, full and bright. Luke wondered, even as he headed down the path to Ben’s hut with his feet feeling like they were on the strings of a marionette, if he was being judged by the moon itself.
Ben’s hut. Luke was already trying to stop the compulsion. Ben, thankfully, was asleep — though there was some sort of darkness emanating from him like a particularly powerful stench. He tried to turn away, only for his hand to lift like a marionette being manipulated —
— horrifying flashes, flashes of battlefields and blood and screaming —
— against his will, his free hand igniting his lightsaber —
Good, Skywalker, good. Kill him. Kill him now.
Kill?
No!
Shaking off the compulsion, after what seemed too long. Seemed. Then again, time didn’t even seem real in that moment...
The presence disappeared, and Luke was left feeling dirty, weak, ashamed. He’d nearly killed his sister’s son, and for what? If only he’d fought harder, fought like a reek breaking its chains. Why didn’t he fight?
And then Ben opened his eyes. The hurt there, the pain — and though Luke tried to explain, it didn’t stop the brief clash. It didn’t stop the hut crashing down.
And then Luke came to, too ashamed, feeling too dirty and damaged and disgusting, to even tell Han and Leia the truth. They would hate him. They would think of him as hateful, weak...they would never understand.
So he lied. Lying was better than facing the idea of being too weak, of being nothing.
***
Rey’s face softened even as Luke explained, his voice cracking. Then, “I believe you.”
Three words. Three beautiful words. Words that Luke could never imagine himself hearing.
“I mean,” Rey said. “You won. You broke free of whoever was mind-controlling you. The real tragedy was that Ben couldn’t see it. But it’s not your fault.”
She squatted next to him. In that moment, Luke doubted he could be more grateful for this one woman. Willing to forgive him, to help him.
“There’s still a chance to save Ben,” Rey said.
“You think I can redeem myself for ‘creating’ him?”
Rey winced. “Forget what I said,” she said. “I didn’t know.”
Luke nodded.
“You deserve to get better,” Rey said. “You don’t deserve to suffer. Nobody does. Ben and I — we touched hands. I saw his future.”
“...I still don’t know what to make of it.”
“Just come with me,” Rey said. “You deserve better.”
Luke got to his feet, slowly. And then, after a while, he nodded.
***
Summary: Luke tells Rey the full truth about what happened that night in Ben’s hut.
Prompt: Assault
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Notes: Title from “Easier to Run” by Linkin Park. Trigger warning for a pretty obvious rape parallel in Luke’s flashback.
“Tell the truth.”
How did he even begin to tell her? Even lying in the rain, defeated by her, humiliated — Luke could already feel the terrible memories starting to brew up again. It would be easy to lie, to say that he had done it willingly, to say...
But he didn’t. He didn’t do it willingly.
“I lied to you,” Luke said. “Because I was ashamed of what I’d done. What happened to me.” Then, “I didn’t tell you, because things like that aren’t supposed to happen to men...”
“What are you talking about?” Rey’s earlier, angry expression was already lapsing into a look of worry and confusion.
“Did Ben know that I didn’t do this of my own free will?”
Rey, faltering. “Explain,” she said, softly.
“The night that the Temple burned...”
***
Luke was supposed to be asleep. Supposed to be. Voe, Tai and Hennix were out on a mission together, and Luke trusted the three of them. Trusted them, implicitly. Ben had come to him earlier in tears, something about Poe, though he’d clarified that Poe hadn’t hurt him. Luke could only pray that in the morning, all their minds would be clear.
Except for Voe, Tai and Hennix. They’d be tired. Poor souls, Luke thought, smiling to himself.
That smile was short-lived even as he felt...something brush against his mind. Ice cold. If he’d had any experience with Palpatine, he’d realize it was Palpatine. But he didn’t have any experience whatsoever.
To him, it seemed like just a stranger.
To him, if just seemed like a cold presence, ice water in his mind, and a voice. You will go to him. A voice, seeming to rumble out of the darkness. You will go to him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Luke muttered. “I just want to go back to sleep..."
The pull in his mind became like a compulsion. Further research on Ach-To would reveal it was another modification of the Jedi mind trick, which only made Luke feel worse. Obi-Wan said that the mind trick only worked on the weak-minded, which only made Luke wonder: was he weak-minded? If his mind was so pliable, how was he not weak-minded?
He was pulled to his feet, and in that moment, the voice in his mind became booming. Go to him.
One foot in front of the other. Above, the moon was full, full and bright. Luke wondered, even as he headed down the path to Ben’s hut with his feet feeling like they were on the strings of a marionette, if he was being judged by the moon itself.
Ben’s hut. Luke was already trying to stop the compulsion. Ben, thankfully, was asleep — though there was some sort of darkness emanating from him like a particularly powerful stench. He tried to turn away, only for his hand to lift like a marionette being manipulated —
— horrifying flashes, flashes of battlefields and blood and screaming —
— against his will, his free hand igniting his lightsaber —
Good, Skywalker, good. Kill him. Kill him now.
Kill?
No!
Shaking off the compulsion, after what seemed too long. Seemed. Then again, time didn’t even seem real in that moment...
The presence disappeared, and Luke was left feeling dirty, weak, ashamed. He’d nearly killed his sister’s son, and for what? If only he’d fought harder, fought like a reek breaking its chains. Why didn’t he fight?
And then Ben opened his eyes. The hurt there, the pain — and though Luke tried to explain, it didn’t stop the brief clash. It didn’t stop the hut crashing down.
And then Luke came to, too ashamed, feeling too dirty and damaged and disgusting, to even tell Han and Leia the truth. They would hate him. They would think of him as hateful, weak...they would never understand.
So he lied. Lying was better than facing the idea of being too weak, of being nothing.
***
Rey’s face softened even as Luke explained, his voice cracking. Then, “I believe you.”
Three words. Three beautiful words. Words that Luke could never imagine himself hearing.
“I mean,” Rey said. “You won. You broke free of whoever was mind-controlling you. The real tragedy was that Ben couldn’t see it. But it’s not your fault.”
She squatted next to him. In that moment, Luke doubted he could be more grateful for this one woman. Willing to forgive him, to help him.
“There’s still a chance to save Ben,” Rey said.
“You think I can redeem myself for ‘creating’ him?”
Rey winced. “Forget what I said,” she said. “I didn’t know.”
Luke nodded.
“You deserve to get better,” Rey said. “You don’t deserve to suffer. Nobody does. Ben and I — we touched hands. I saw his future.”
“...I still don’t know what to make of it.”
“Just come with me,” Rey said. “You deserve better.”
Luke got to his feet, slowly. And then, after a while, he nodded.
***
