For hc-bingo
Aug. 20th, 2017 08:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofleithianTitle: The General's Favorite
Summary: He's not her son, not really. He's not a replacement either. And yet Leia can't help but see certain things in him that suggest otherwise.
Prompt: Mistaken Identity
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: Written in response to the recent revelation of awful that Leia considers Poe like a surrogate son -- also known as Reason 24601 that I have a bad feeling about The Last Jedi, seriously, RianJohnsonisahackRianJohnsonisahackRianJohnsonisahack... *cough* Sorry. Anyway, I figured I'd write my response to that.
He's not her son. Not really. As good of a man as he is, he's not her son. And yet in this moment, looking at him as he's emerged from Doctor Kalonia's treatment, there is something guilty in Leia that makes her wonder if Poe is almost like a second chance for her. The son she could have had. It's shameful to think of it that way, but it's the truth.
"You nearly got yourself killed out there." she says.
"I know." he says.
"Just be careful," she says, and she painfully flashes back to when she had to say that with Ben when he got into scrapes with Poe when they were both little, bandaging scraped knees and so much more.
Of course, there's no guarantee that Poe will ever be careful. He's too headstrong for his own good, too daring.
Even as Poe nods, she knows that there is no guarantee that it's a promise that he can keep.
Poe walks away, BB-8 at his heels.
Fascinating, General, Snoke drawls in her mind. It's not really Snoke, of course. It's mostly her inner voice that's decided to take on Snoke's form as a cruel sort of joke. Not only do the junglecats eat their young, but they also decide to replace them with someone better. Why don't you admit you hated your own son?
I never did --
You could have fooled just about anyone, General. You hated your son. You saw his childish outbursts as a guarantee that he would go dark.
I never --
A mother never hates their child, does she? Mothers never neglect, betray or batter. Mothers never try and upstage or control their offspring. Mothers never jump at ghosts. Mothers are just another word for goddesses in your culture, aren't they? Mothers can do no wrong. So where did you go wrong?
Stop it.
Why didn't you fight for him, Leia? Why didn't you track me down and fight me? Milaran mothers would die for their offspring, but human mothers apparently care nothing for them. Or were you too much of a coward?
"General?" One of the soldiers, a dark-skinned, curly-haired woman. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes." The others don't have to know about how her inner voice transforms itself into a bitter, angry Milaran who has nothing but wrath in his words and acid on his tongue, hatred in his veins.
If they knew who you really were, they would hate you. And they would be right to do so, false General. They would be right to do so.
I am not false.
But they would be right to hate you. Wouldn't they?
Leia grips the railing tightly, and tries to regain her composure. The voice is wrong. She never hated her son. She never -- but she'd been afraid of him. Is Poe just safer? The perfect son, perfect in all ways? Perfect where Ben wasn't?
It makes her ill just to think about it.
***
He's not her son, and already it's making him uneasy just to be treated as such. Why is she trying so hard to forget Ben, why isn't she looking for him? Why does she want to bury him so badly? It doesn't make any sense. And even if Ben were dead, why would she want to forget him so badly?
None of it makes any sense. She isn't rejecting his attempts to search for Ben, not really, but she doesn't seem to be particularly invested in them either. Why isn't she looking for her son? Does she want to forget him? Why?
***
It's the day before Han Solo's funeral that he confronts her. "Why didn't you tell me?" he says.
"I didn't know how to tell you."
"There could have been a lot of ways to tell me. You could have told me after the massacre. Why didn't you?"
"It would have broken your heart, Poe."
"It would have broken my heart either way. And the way you acted...did you want to forget him?"
"Poe -- "
"You hated him."
"I never did."
"The way you acted, you might as well. Did you know that he actually thought I was going to leave him after we had an argument? Did you even know how much he hated himself, felt like he didn't belong, anything like that? You have no idea. Maybe you didn't even care. How's that got to feel, not loving your own son -- "
The General's hand cracks across his face, and Poe stumbles back, stunned. It's not just the sharp, stinging pain and the realization that damn-the-General-hits-hard, but the shock that she even did it in the first place. The General has never, ever done something like this before.
He knows he's gone too far, and yet he's also angry. "So you slap people you disagree with now?"
"Poe." She sounds horrified all the while.
"Just don't, General. You've done enough damage."
Poe walks away. He thinks that he can hear her call his name, but he ignores her as he heads up to his room. He's already trying not to shake as he heads up, past the pilots whispering about what might have happened, and he reaches his room. It's a relief when he reaches his room and BB-8's there.
BB-8 doesn't have to hear anything. He already knows as he wheels over towards Poe's bedside. Poe isn't about to cry, but he's close, he's very close. For Ben, for what Ben turned into, for what happened to Poe himself, everything. BB-8 already knows. BB-8's already seen Poe go through wedding holos like they're clues to what went wrong.
"I'm okay, buddy," he says. "I'm okay." He's not, but he will be. BB-8 stays with him throughout the night, and while Poe doesn't know if he can get to sleep, there is something comforting about having BB-8 with him.
Tomorrow, he can apologize to General Organa, see if there is some way to heal everything between them. He doesn't know, but he can try.
By the stars, he can try.
***
Leia's alone in the room long after Poe's left, and she already feels ashamed of herself. She's never actually hit someone before -- Han would have been more of the type than her -- but there was something about what Poe said...
Not the favorite son anymore, is he? her version of Snoke drawls.
"Stop it."
The favorite until he says something you don't want to hear. How telling. You really are your father's daughter, aren't you -- hurting those you claim to love.
"I'm nothing like him."
You both have a talent for hurting those you claim to love. Is love not a verb as well as a noun? Is love not actions as well as words?
"Yes."
And you failed in that.
Leia pauses, and realizes that in a way, it is true. She has failed with Ben. And she has failed with Poe in her way as well.
She's failed them both, and that knowledge, more than anything, hurts.
Tomorrow, when they've had enough space, she'll talk with Poe. Apologize -- he deserves an apology, at least. And from there, perhaps they can rebuild what they have.
Maybe she can do the same with Ben too.
Maybe.
Maybe...
Summary: He's not her son, not really. He's not a replacement either. And yet Leia can't help but see certain things in him that suggest otherwise.
Prompt: Mistaken Identity
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: Written in response to the recent revelation of awful that Leia considers Poe like a surrogate son -- also known as Reason 24601 that I have a bad feeling about The Last Jedi, seriously, RianJohnsonisahackRianJohnsonisahackRianJohnsonisahack... *cough* Sorry. Anyway, I figured I'd write my response to that.
He's not her son. Not really. As good of a man as he is, he's not her son. And yet in this moment, looking at him as he's emerged from Doctor Kalonia's treatment, there is something guilty in Leia that makes her wonder if Poe is almost like a second chance for her. The son she could have had. It's shameful to think of it that way, but it's the truth.
"You nearly got yourself killed out there." she says.
"I know." he says.
"Just be careful," she says, and she painfully flashes back to when she had to say that with Ben when he got into scrapes with Poe when they were both little, bandaging scraped knees and so much more.
Of course, there's no guarantee that Poe will ever be careful. He's too headstrong for his own good, too daring.
Even as Poe nods, she knows that there is no guarantee that it's a promise that he can keep.
Poe walks away, BB-8 at his heels.
Fascinating, General, Snoke drawls in her mind. It's not really Snoke, of course. It's mostly her inner voice that's decided to take on Snoke's form as a cruel sort of joke. Not only do the junglecats eat their young, but they also decide to replace them with someone better. Why don't you admit you hated your own son?
I never did --
You could have fooled just about anyone, General. You hated your son. You saw his childish outbursts as a guarantee that he would go dark.
I never --
A mother never hates their child, does she? Mothers never neglect, betray or batter. Mothers never try and upstage or control their offspring. Mothers never jump at ghosts. Mothers are just another word for goddesses in your culture, aren't they? Mothers can do no wrong. So where did you go wrong?
Stop it.
Why didn't you fight for him, Leia? Why didn't you track me down and fight me? Milaran mothers would die for their offspring, but human mothers apparently care nothing for them. Or were you too much of a coward?
"General?" One of the soldiers, a dark-skinned, curly-haired woman. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes." The others don't have to know about how her inner voice transforms itself into a bitter, angry Milaran who has nothing but wrath in his words and acid on his tongue, hatred in his veins.
If they knew who you really were, they would hate you. And they would be right to do so, false General. They would be right to do so.
I am not false.
But they would be right to hate you. Wouldn't they?
Leia grips the railing tightly, and tries to regain her composure. The voice is wrong. She never hated her son. She never -- but she'd been afraid of him. Is Poe just safer? The perfect son, perfect in all ways? Perfect where Ben wasn't?
It makes her ill just to think about it.
***
He's not her son, and already it's making him uneasy just to be treated as such. Why is she trying so hard to forget Ben, why isn't she looking for him? Why does she want to bury him so badly? It doesn't make any sense. And even if Ben were dead, why would she want to forget him so badly?
None of it makes any sense. She isn't rejecting his attempts to search for Ben, not really, but she doesn't seem to be particularly invested in them either. Why isn't she looking for her son? Does she want to forget him? Why?
***
It's the day before Han Solo's funeral that he confronts her. "Why didn't you tell me?" he says.
"I didn't know how to tell you."
"There could have been a lot of ways to tell me. You could have told me after the massacre. Why didn't you?"
"It would have broken your heart, Poe."
"It would have broken my heart either way. And the way you acted...did you want to forget him?"
"Poe -- "
"You hated him."
"I never did."
"The way you acted, you might as well. Did you know that he actually thought I was going to leave him after we had an argument? Did you even know how much he hated himself, felt like he didn't belong, anything like that? You have no idea. Maybe you didn't even care. How's that got to feel, not loving your own son -- "
The General's hand cracks across his face, and Poe stumbles back, stunned. It's not just the sharp, stinging pain and the realization that damn-the-General-hits-hard, but the shock that she even did it in the first place. The General has never, ever done something like this before.
He knows he's gone too far, and yet he's also angry. "So you slap people you disagree with now?"
"Poe." She sounds horrified all the while.
"Just don't, General. You've done enough damage."
Poe walks away. He thinks that he can hear her call his name, but he ignores her as he heads up to his room. He's already trying not to shake as he heads up, past the pilots whispering about what might have happened, and he reaches his room. It's a relief when he reaches his room and BB-8's there.
BB-8 doesn't have to hear anything. He already knows as he wheels over towards Poe's bedside. Poe isn't about to cry, but he's close, he's very close. For Ben, for what Ben turned into, for what happened to Poe himself, everything. BB-8 already knows. BB-8's already seen Poe go through wedding holos like they're clues to what went wrong.
"I'm okay, buddy," he says. "I'm okay." He's not, but he will be. BB-8 stays with him throughout the night, and while Poe doesn't know if he can get to sleep, there is something comforting about having BB-8 with him.
Tomorrow, he can apologize to General Organa, see if there is some way to heal everything between them. He doesn't know, but he can try.
By the stars, he can try.
***
Leia's alone in the room long after Poe's left, and she already feels ashamed of herself. She's never actually hit someone before -- Han would have been more of the type than her -- but there was something about what Poe said...
Not the favorite son anymore, is he? her version of Snoke drawls.
"Stop it."
The favorite until he says something you don't want to hear. How telling. You really are your father's daughter, aren't you -- hurting those you claim to love.
"I'm nothing like him."
You both have a talent for hurting those you claim to love. Is love not a verb as well as a noun? Is love not actions as well as words?
"Yes."
And you failed in that.
Leia pauses, and realizes that in a way, it is true. She has failed with Ben. And she has failed with Poe in her way as well.
She's failed them both, and that knowledge, more than anything, hurts.
Tomorrow, when they've had enough space, she'll talk with Poe. Apologize -- he deserves an apology, at least. And from there, perhaps they can rebuild what they have.
Maybe she can do the same with Ben too.
Maybe.
Maybe...
